Who said having a job had to be boring?
We use the term “working” very lightly.
Finish reading Working From Home: Expectation vs. Reality
How It Works: Another classic novice S&M position. Just have sex however you want, but do it on a weeknight when you have to wake up the next morning. EMBRACE THE PAIN.
How Do I Know If I’ve Done It Right? You’ll wake up, look at your phone, not believe the time, convince yourself you have to be reading the time wrong, then after realizing you’re super late and panicking, you’ll throw on some terrible clothes and rush out, spending the rest of the day TIRED AND SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT YOUR SMELLY UNSHOWEREDNESS.
Finish reading 5 Incredibly Simple S&M Sex Moves for Beginners
Step 1. Ask for a glass of water. Everyone needs to drink water. You’re only human.
Step 2. Keep looking around as if your friend is going to arrive any moment, and you need to wait until they arrive before you order anything, because you’re fucking polite.
Step 3. Get up and look at their selection of desserts, then ask which one is the best. After listening to the barista describe what is in each pastry, make a self-deprecating joke about how you really shouldn’t eat anything because you’re fat enough already, and sit back down. Do not look back.
Step 4. Ask about the inspiration for the décor. What were they going for when they decided to place that plant by the window? What’s with all the chairs?
Step 5. Flirt with the cashier. She’s not just being nice to you because her job depends on quality customer service! She really likes you! Don’t get thrown off your game when she asks if you’ll be buying anything. Just go back to your seat. Do not look back.
Step 6. Flirt with various inanimate objects. You’ll seem really quirky and mysterious, and unlike your interaction with the cashier, you won’t feel rejected!
Step 7. Go to the bathroom. You had a lot of water. You’re only human.
Step 8. Start a small fire, but then put it out before it escalates. You’ll be a hero and score major points with that plant/cashier!
Step 9. Tear open all the sugar packets you can find and empty them over your head, making it appear as if it is snowing. This works especially well in the summer, making customers feel nostalgic for their last snowfall and sometimes even a bit cooled off.
Step 10. Ask the person next to you to watch your things while you go to the bathroom. Then, find a corner where you can hide safely and watch them watch your things. If nothing happens, pay someone to steal your things and see if the person reacts. This helps nothing but could be interesting to watch.
Step 11. Drink as much skim milk and cream as you can without stopping, and see how long it takes you to puke. Write the time down so you can try to beat it next time.
Step 12. Help them kick out the homeless guy who refuses to buy anything. It’s just inconsiderate to stay there all day without doing any work. I hope he knows he isn’t fooling anyone.
PROTIP: Start a fire, then put it out before it escalates. Now you’re a hero!
An after-work party leads to a dinosaur cat fight.
(Source: College Humor)
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If your midday is making you sleepy then we have the cure. And that cure is gonna take you straight to nightmaretown.
A step-by-step guide to mastering the art of the “The Reply.”
Finish reading How to Properly Respond to an Important Email
The techniques in this article have all been successfully tested and implemented by the author in a real workplace environment. Still, it should be noted that some techniques, particularly those rated “ADVANCED” may be hazardous to an amateur and can result in loss of balance and/or employment.
LEVEL ONE: BEGINNER
This one is a classic: Pack yourself a sandwich for lunch and eat it at your desk while pretending to work. Then, tell your supervisor that you’re going to “take lunch” and go take a 30-minute nap in the closest public park, bank lobby seating area, or bus depot.
Sure, you won’t be able to lie down, but you’ll have the privacy of your own stall. Sit down, drop trow (to fool any nosy co-workers who might peer beneath the door), rest your arms and head on your legs, and catch some Z’s. Your boss is unlikely to ask why you’ve been in the bathroom for so long, lest you reveal the gruesome details of your digestive system. If someone does press you on the matter, tell them you think the break room coffee was poisoned and instigate a week-long witchhunt. Spend most of that week sleeping on the toilet.
Move on to LEVEL TWO: INTERMEDIATE
If you’ve ever been on a conference call then this is the funniest thing you’ll see all day.