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Finish reading If Dating Worked Like You Thought It Would as a Kid

CollegeHumor is LIVE in tomorrow night in NYC at UCB. RSVP for free & see some sweet, sweet comedy. We have a killer lineup.
Host Will Stephen - Tinder Strategy Powerpoint
The Lucas Brothers (22 Jump Street) 

Hari Kondabolu - David Letterman appearance
Sabrina Jalees - Live @ The Apt
BOAT Sketch - Future Husbands
Tix here

CollegeHumor is LIVE in tomorrow night in NYC at UCB. RSVP for free & see some sweet, sweet comedy. We have a killer lineup.

Host Will Stephen - Tinder Strategy Powerpoint

  • The Lucas Brothers (22 Jump Street) 

Tix here

CollegeHumor is LIVE in 2 days in NYC. You can RSVP for free to see some awesome stand-up and sketch comedy. We have CollegeHumor’s own Will Stephen hosting with Featured Guests:
The Lucas Brothers (22 Jump Street) 
Hari Kondabolu - David Letterman appearance
Sabrina Jalees - Live @ The Apt
BOAT Sketch - Future Husbands
Tix here

CollegeHumor is LIVE in 2 days in NYC. You can RSVP for free to see some awesome stand-up and sketch comedy. We have CollegeHumor’s own Will Stephen hosting with Featured Guests:

Tix here

CollegeHumor is LIVE this Thursday in NYC. RSVP for free and come see some of the best stand-up and sketch comedy the world has to offer.
Tix here

CollegeHumor is LIVE this Thursday in NYC. RSVP for free and come see some of the best stand-up and sketch comedy the world has to offer.

Tix here

CollegeHumor is LIVE in NYC on Thursday, August 14th! Our show’s have been selling out quickly so RSVP now (for free) before they’re gone forever! 
We have a great show hosted by Will Stephen and FEAT:

SABRINA JALEES
HARI KONDABOLU
BOAT Sketch
THE LUCAS BROTHERS

CollegeHumor is LIVE in NYC on Thursday, August 14th! Our show’s have been selling out quickly so RSVP now (for free) before they’re gone forever! 

We have a great show hosted by Will Stephen and FEAT:

SABRINA JALEES

HARI KONDABOLU

BOAT Sketch

THE LUCAS BROTHERS

Cheat Codes for the Kim Kardashian iPhone Game
- At the load screen, tap the K Star six times in a row to skip right to being spotted by a Big Hollywood Agent who wants to make you a Big Hollywood Super Star.

- At the character select screen, swipe down, then left, then left again to gain 5000 Social Media points and a write-up on a some blog calling you an “Instagram Celeb.”

-  Tap the Hollywood sign twelve times to up your Star Rating by fucking a photographer at the Torque premiere.

- When talking to the VALET PARKING GUY outside Kim’s perfume launch party, TIP TRIPLE to get four free Speedballs and an exclusive invite to McG’s forty-fifth at his Venice fuckpad.

- When Jake (the Journalist) asks you out, instead of tapping “Sure!” or “Let’s just be friends”, scroll left, then right, then left, then right, then up, then down to gain 100 Love Points and instead get martinis with Chez, a guy who “did some consulting on SAW VI” and “can definitely get you your own reality show, hundo percent.”
          BONUS: To up your Star Rating, sign whatever he hands you. That way you can skip all the hard shit.

- When out shopping with Kim, shoplift. It saves Money and increases your Style Points. Plus, whatever, it’ll be fine.
Finish reading Cheat Codes for the Kim Kardashian iPhone Game

Cheat Codes for the Kim Kardashian iPhone Game

- At the load screen, tap the K Star six times in a row to skip right to being spotted by a Big Hollywood Agent who wants to make you a Big Hollywood Super Star.



- At the character select screen, swipe down, then left, then left again to gain 5000 Social Media points and a write-up on a some blog calling you an “Instagram Celeb.”



-  Tap the Hollywood sign twelve times to up your Star Rating by fucking a photographer at the Torque premiere.



- When talking to the VALET PARKING GUY outside Kim’s perfume launch party, TIP TRIPLE to get four free Speedballs and an exclusive invite to McG’s forty-fifth at his Venice fuckpad.



- When Jake (the Journalist) asks you out, instead of tapping “Sure!” or “Let’s just be friends”, scroll left, then right, then left, then right, then up, then down to gain 100 Love Points and instead get martinis with Chez, a guy who “did some consulting on SAW VI” and “can definitely get you your own reality show, hundo percent.”

          BONUS: To up your Star Rating, sign whatever he hands you. That way you can skip all the hard shit.



- When out shopping with Kim, shoplift. It saves Money and increases your Style Points. Plus, whatever, it’ll be fine.

Finish reading Cheat Codes for the Kim Kardashian iPhone Game

21 Signs You Spend Too Much Time on Your Phone
1. Your first thought upon seeing your new baby cousin for the very first time is “Valencia filter, no border.”
2. You plan your day around known charger locations.
3. You occasionally feel your thigh vibrate out of nowhere, so you’re pretty sure you know what phantom limb syndrome feels like.
4. You have tried to swipe open a book.
5. You judge people by the pattern on their iPhone case.
6. When your phone is dead, and someone asks you what the weather is like, your first instinct is to say “I don’t know” — rather than look outside or simply open the front door.
7. When you close your eyes, you see Candy Crush combos.
8. This year you have spent more time arbitrarily scrolling through your Camera Roll than you have reading a newspaper.
9. When you wake up in the morning, you check your Facebook notifications before you take a sip of water.
10. Books make you twitch with anxiety.
11. You have at least once made the conscious and reasoned decision that a trip to the bathroom without your phone is probably not worth it.
Finish reading 21 Signs You Spend Too Much Time on Your Phone

21 Signs You Spend Too Much Time on Your Phone

1. Your first thought upon seeing your new baby cousin for the very first time is “Valencia filter, no border.”

2. You plan your day around known charger locations.

3. You occasionally feel your thigh vibrate out of nowhere, so you’re pretty sure you know what phantom limb syndrome feels like.

4. You have tried to swipe open a book.

5. You judge people by the pattern on their iPhone case.

6. When your phone is dead, and someone asks you what the weather is like, your first instinct is to say “I don’t know” — rather than look outside or simply open the front door.

7. When you close your eyes, you see Candy Crush combos.

8. This year you have spent more time arbitrarily scrolling through your Camera Roll than you have reading a newspaper.

9. When you wake up in the morning, you check your Facebook notifications before you take a sip of water.

10. Books make you twitch with anxiety.

11. You have at least once made the conscious and reasoned decision that a trip to the bathroom without your phone is probably not worth it.

Finish reading 21 Signs You Spend Too Much Time on Your Phone

6 Things You Literally Can’t Even

1. BECOME PRESIDENT BEFORE AGE 35

image

Legally, I can’t even. Like, if the constitution declared otherwise, then, like, maybe? But with the law being the way it is, I meeeeeean… I can’t. Like, I can’t with this.

2. BREATHE UNDERWATER

Just… no. With gills, sure. Or like scuba gear? Totally. But like, otherwise? I just… can’t. I’m… sorry? Ugh, I can’t. I can’t! I just cannot EVEN.

3. FLY

No, flying in a plane, like yes, but like flying, like LITERALLY flying, like… you can’t, like, you actually can’t even. Due to physics, yeah. Seriously. UGGGH. I can’t with this right now.

4. TIME TRAVEL

No, I KNOW. Like… I KNOW. But, like, I can’t. With time travel…. you can’t EVEN… It’s science, like, I can’t. H.G. Wells, yeah I know, but that was, like, fiction. And, honestly? I can’t.

Finish reading 6 Things You Literally Can’t Even

Bring it in, guys. Bring it in.
Brazil’s Post-Game Locker Room Speech

Bring it in, guys. Bring it in.

Brazil’s Post-Game Locker Room Speech

Come see CollegeHumor Live this Thursday! RSVP for free right here.
Hosted by Will Stephen with performances by
Streeter Seidell
LaKendra Tookes
Pete Davidson AND 
a LIVE Drawfee with CollegeHumor illustrators Caldwell and Nathan.
Tickets here.

Come see CollegeHumor Live this Thursday! RSVP for free right here.

Hosted by Will Stephen with performances by

  • Streeter Seidell
  • LaKendra Tookes
  • Pete Davidson AND 

a LIVE Drawfee with CollegeHumor illustrators Caldwell and Nathan.

Tickets here.

(via collegehumor)

Come see CollegeHumor Live this Thursday! RSVP for free right here.
Hosted by Will Stephen with performances by
Streeter Seidell
LaKendra Tookes
Pete Davidson AND 
a LIVE Drawfee with CollegeHumor illustrators Caldwell and Nathan.
Tickets here.

Come see CollegeHumor Live this Thursday! RSVP for free right here.

Hosted by Will Stephen with performances by

  • Streeter Seidell
  • LaKendra Tookes
  • Pete Davidson AND 

a LIVE Drawfee with CollegeHumor illustrators Caldwell and Nathan.

Tickets here.

I WILL RESPOND TO EVERY COMMENT ON THIS ARTICLE.
 
OK, THE GUIDELINES:
 
- ANY COMMENT MADE HERE BEFORE 11:00 PM EST ON AUGUST 30, 2014 WILL GET A RESPONSE, WRITTEN BY ME.
 
- I WILL BE RESPONDING TO COMMENTS - NOT COMMENTS WITHIN COMMENTS (UNLESS TRULY COMPELLED TO DO SO).
 
- I DO NOT GUARANTEE A THOUGHTFUL RESPONSE WHATSOEVER.
 
OK. I THINK THAT’S IT.
 
ALRIGHT.
 

WHATEVER.


LET’S DO THIS.

I WILL RESPOND TO EVERY COMMENT ON THIS ARTICLE.

 

OK, THE GUIDELINES:

 

- ANY COMMENT MADE HERE BEFORE 11:00 PM EST ON AUGUST 30, 2014 WILL GET A RESPONSE, WRITTEN BY ME.

 

- I WILL BE RESPONDING TO COMMENTS - NOT COMMENTS WITHIN COMMENTS (UNLESS TRULY COMPELLED TO DO SO).

 

- I DO NOT GUARANTEE A THOUGHTFUL RESPONSE WHATSOEVER.

 

OK. I THINK THAT’S IT.

 

ALRIGHT.

 

WHATEVER.

LET’S DO THIS.

CollegeHumor’s writers and performers are Internet folk who don’t get out much. So we shut down our computers and pushed them into the world for a set at DCM (Del Close Marathon) at UCBeast. Come laugh at the freakishly pale staff as they improvise with their famous funny friends.
This is all weekend. Find out more.

CollegeHumor’s writers and performers are Internet folk who don’t get out much. So we shut down our computers and pushed them into the world for a set at DCM (Del Close Marathon) at UCBeast. Come laugh at the freakishly pale staff as they improvise with their famous funny friends.

This is all weekend. Find out more.

Fun for the whole snooty family!

Finish reading 6 Board Games for Spoiled Rich Kids

CollegeHumor Live with Host Will Stephen: Tinder Strategy Powerpoint