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21 Signs You Spend Too Much Time on Your Phone
1. Your first thought upon seeing your new baby cousin for the very first time is “Valencia filter, no border.”
2. You plan your day around known charger locations.
3. You occasionally feel your thigh vibrate out of nowhere, so you’re pretty sure you know what phantom limb syndrome feels like.
4. You have tried to swipe open a book.
5. You judge people by the pattern on their iPhone case.
6. When your phone is dead, and someone asks you what the weather is like, your first instinct is to say “I don’t know” — rather than look outside or simply open the front door.
7. When you close your eyes, you see Candy Crush combos.
8. This year you have spent more time arbitrarily scrolling through your Camera Roll than you have reading a newspaper.
9. When you wake up in the morning, you check your Facebook notifications before you take a sip of water.
10. Books make you twitch with anxiety.
11. You have at least once made the conscious and reasoned decision that a trip to the bathroom without your phone is probably not worth it.
Finish reading 21 Signs You Spend Too Much Time on Your Phone

21 Signs You Spend Too Much Time on Your Phone

1. Your first thought upon seeing your new baby cousin for the very first time is “Valencia filter, no border.”

2. You plan your day around known charger locations.

3. You occasionally feel your thigh vibrate out of nowhere, so you’re pretty sure you know what phantom limb syndrome feels like.

4. You have tried to swipe open a book.

5. You judge people by the pattern on their iPhone case.

6. When your phone is dead, and someone asks you what the weather is like, your first instinct is to say “I don’t know” — rather than look outside or simply open the front door.

7. When you close your eyes, you see Candy Crush combos.

8. This year you have spent more time arbitrarily scrolling through your Camera Roll than you have reading a newspaper.

9. When you wake up in the morning, you check your Facebook notifications before you take a sip of water.

10. Books make you twitch with anxiety.

11. You have at least once made the conscious and reasoned decision that a trip to the bathroom without your phone is probably not worth it.

Finish reading 21 Signs You Spend Too Much Time on Your Phone

6 Things You Literally Can’t Even

1. BECOME PRESIDENT BEFORE AGE 35

image

Legally, I can’t even. Like, if the constitution declared otherwise, then, like, maybe? But with the law being the way it is, I meeeeeean… I can’t. Like, I can’t with this.

2. BREATHE UNDERWATER

Just… no. With gills, sure. Or like scuba gear? Totally. But like, otherwise? I just… can’t. I’m… sorry? Ugh, I can’t. I can’t! I just cannot EVEN.

3. FLY

No, flying in a plane, like yes, but like flying, like LITERALLY flying, like… you can’t, like, you actually can’t even. Due to physics, yeah. Seriously. UGGGH. I can’t with this right now.

4. TIME TRAVEL

No, I KNOW. Like… I KNOW. But, like, I can’t. With time travel…. you can’t EVEN… It’s science, like, I can’t. H.G. Wells, yeah I know, but that was, like, fiction. And, honestly? I can’t.

Finish reading 6 Things You Literally Can’t Even

Bring it in, guys. Bring it in.
Brazil’s Post-Game Locker Room Speech

Bring it in, guys. Bring it in.

Brazil’s Post-Game Locker Room Speech

Come see CollegeHumor Live this Thursday! RSVP for free right here.
Hosted by Will Stephen with performances by
Streeter Seidell
LaKendra Tookes
Pete Davidson AND 
a LIVE Drawfee with CollegeHumor illustrators Caldwell and Nathan.
Tickets here.

Come see CollegeHumor Live this Thursday! RSVP for free right here.

Hosted by Will Stephen with performances by

  • Streeter Seidell
  • LaKendra Tookes
  • Pete Davidson AND 

a LIVE Drawfee with CollegeHumor illustrators Caldwell and Nathan.

Tickets here.

(via collegehumor)

Come see CollegeHumor Live this Thursday! RSVP for free right here.
Hosted by Will Stephen with performances by
Streeter Seidell
LaKendra Tookes
Pete Davidson AND 
a LIVE Drawfee with CollegeHumor illustrators Caldwell and Nathan.
Tickets here.

Come see CollegeHumor Live this Thursday! RSVP for free right here.

Hosted by Will Stephen with performances by

  • Streeter Seidell
  • LaKendra Tookes
  • Pete Davidson AND 

a LIVE Drawfee with CollegeHumor illustrators Caldwell and Nathan.

Tickets here.

I WILL RESPOND TO EVERY COMMENT ON THIS ARTICLE.
 
OK, THE GUIDELINES:
 
- ANY COMMENT MADE HERE BEFORE 11:00 PM EST ON AUGUST 30, 2014 WILL GET A RESPONSE, WRITTEN BY ME.
 
- I WILL BE RESPONDING TO COMMENTS - NOT COMMENTS WITHIN COMMENTS (UNLESS TRULY COMPELLED TO DO SO).
 
- I DO NOT GUARANTEE A THOUGHTFUL RESPONSE WHATSOEVER.
 
OK. I THINK THAT’S IT.
 
ALRIGHT.
 

WHATEVER.


LET’S DO THIS.

I WILL RESPOND TO EVERY COMMENT ON THIS ARTICLE.

 

OK, THE GUIDELINES:

 

- ANY COMMENT MADE HERE BEFORE 11:00 PM EST ON AUGUST 30, 2014 WILL GET A RESPONSE, WRITTEN BY ME.

 

- I WILL BE RESPONDING TO COMMENTS - NOT COMMENTS WITHIN COMMENTS (UNLESS TRULY COMPELLED TO DO SO).

 

- I DO NOT GUARANTEE A THOUGHTFUL RESPONSE WHATSOEVER.

 

OK. I THINK THAT’S IT.

 

ALRIGHT.

 

WHATEVER.

LET’S DO THIS.

CollegeHumor’s writers and performers are Internet folk who don’t get out much. So we shut down our computers and pushed them into the world for a set at DCM (Del Close Marathon) at UCBeast. Come laugh at the freakishly pale staff as they improvise with their famous funny friends.
This is all weekend. Find out more.

CollegeHumor’s writers and performers are Internet folk who don’t get out much. So we shut down our computers and pushed them into the world for a set at DCM (Del Close Marathon) at UCBeast. Come laugh at the freakishly pale staff as they improvise with their famous funny friends.

This is all weekend. Find out more.

Fun for the whole snooty family!

Finish reading 6 Board Games for Spoiled Rich Kids

CollegeHumor Live with Host Will Stephen: Tinder Strategy Powerpoint

Tonight’s show is sold out, but there will still be a standby line. Come to UCB in Chelsea to see CollegeHumor perform LIVE! 

Tonight’s show is sold out, but there will still be a standby line. Come to UCB in Chelsea to see CollegeHumor perform LIVE! 

In round 3 of the Drawfee Olympics, Caldwell and Nathan see who can draw the best Obama by only using 5 lines. With guest judge Will Stephen 

Don’t forget to subscribe to The Drawfee Channel if you haven’t already 

(Source: youtube.com)

Every kiss begins with slop.

Finish reading The 7 Kissing Techniques Guaranteed to Make You a Bad Kisser

They’ve already swiped left, pal.

Finish reading 10 Tinder Tricks That Fool No One

Increase your productivity by just not really giving a shit!

Finish reading 6 Life Hacks for Flaky People 

We are performing LIVE TONIGHT in NYC at the Upright Citizens Brigade in Chelsea!
Our monthly show has some of the best stand-up/sketch comedy in the city and you can RSVP here for free! 

newyork.ucbtheatre.com


We are performing LIVE TONIGHT in NYC at the Upright Citizens Brigade in Chelsea!

Our monthly show has some of the best stand-up/sketch comedy in the city and you can RSVP here for free! 

newyork.ucbtheatre.com