Condoms in the Valentine’s section at CVS. They get it.
“When I was younger, my dad didn’t want me playing Zelda games because breaking ancient pots for rupees was an “anthropological crime”.”
Screencap - Sorry for your loss
“I’ve just spent 25 minutes locked in a basement, having to call a friend to look up my boss in the phonebook to get him come get me out, have got yelled at by a 80 year old dude foaming at the mouth, with said foam flying out at my face, had a 60 year old woman show me her bare, 1 hour fresh scarred chest to explain that she can’t shower because she just had surgery done (I work in a hotel opposite a hospital), and got electrocuted. It’s my first day.”
Work Sucks - I got electrocuted
How bad could your day have really been?
Screencap - Have one on hand
“My mom is afraid to shred her old ATM card, because it still has money “IN” it.”
“I make grocery store ads. Every now and then we do special deals and I send out an email to the clients asking if they want to participate. Every time I do this almost half the clients print my email, circle their answer (“yes” or “no”), and fax it back to me. The other half email back “ok”.”
“The first day of my C++ programming class, my professor stood up and said “I don’t care what you guys do in this class. If you want to eat, drink, smoke…. go ahead.””
“My grandmother thinks her cell phone is broken because she never gets any “tex-mex’s” from her friends and can’t “turn it into a camera.”
“Today I realized how good are girls at holding secrets… in groups of about 40.”
“The other day my mom and I were eating dinner discussing her boyfriend’s old pool table. I said to her, “He doesn’t even touch it anymore”. To which she responded, “He used to touch it….alot.” We both laughed and she yelled, “SHE SAID THAT!!!!!!” She didn’t think it was funny when i corrected her that it is actually “thats what she said”….but hey, she tried.”
“My dad was wondering why no one was commenting or liking his facebook posts anymore, he was beginning to think no one liked him. later he realized that he had changed his settings so that I was the only person that could see his posts. He claims he was trying to send me a message.”