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If you play too much hard-to-get, you’ll never be gotten.
True diplomacy comes from the heart.
Finish reading Obama’s Phone Call with the President of Iran Gets Emotional
Find out the LAST Way to Break Up with Someone That’s Even Worse Than Texting [Click to finish this fucking terrible relationship]
Panda Can’t Believe Those Texts He Sent Last Night [Click to animate]
NOT MY EX. GOD NOT MY EX!
I Really Enjoyed That Picture of Your Penis [Click for full post]
Thanks for sending me that picture of your penis! It really brightened my day!
It’s funny, I was just sitting here thinking of you when my phone beeped, and suddenly, there it was — an e-mail from you with that telltale photo attachment, cleverly titled “monster.jpeg”.
I hope you don’t mind me saying so, but your penis really brings out your eyes. It’s quite attractive! And I don’t tell that to just anyone. Seriously. You must get complimented on it all the time. Really? You don’t? I’ll bet you’re just being shy.
Although we’ve been emailing, texting and chatting online for a few weeks, since we haven’t gotten a chance to meet in person yet, I hope you know that receiving a picture of your penis really helped break the ice for me. You’ve done a great job of showing, without the need for words, just how totally down to earth and approachable you are. I’m so grateful to have seen this side of you.
Not only that, but I can’t tell you how many promising relationships I’ve entered into, only to eventually discover, upon becoming intimate, that I wasn’t into how my partner’s penis looked. As I’m sure you know, that’s pretty much a deal breaker for most women. I don’t ask for much out of a relationship, but a good looking penis is non-negotiable. Happily, your photo confirms what I had been dearly hoping to find — that your junk is aesthetically pleasing, and also appears to be in good working order. In fact, it’s quite photogenic! Have you done any penis-modeling in the past? I mean it!
Continue reading I Really Enjoyed That Picture of Your Penis
7 Excuses for Missing Texts That Would Actually Be Legit [Click for 5 more]
Sry was busy choosing not 2 respond.
How Anthony Weiner Became Carlos Danger [Click for full post]
OK, Anthony. If you’re going to get back in the game, you need an alias. And not just any alias. You see, a man livin’ on the edge needs a name on the edge. A sunglasses-and-‘stache, panty-droppin’, blast-some-AC/DC-and-fuck-me-on-the-deck-of-the-speedboat kind of name. This is not your Joe Schmo-level sexting here. This is some James Bond, John McClane, Jack Reacher-level shit. So strap in, and get ready for take-off. It’s go-time.
Time for some inspiration. iPod Nano in the iHome. Playlists…. “Flex/Air-Hump in Mirror”. Yeah, that’ll do. That’ll do just fine. Shuffle. Well, well, well. What do we have here? “Smooth.” With my man Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20. Oooo yeah. Boy can sing. What a song. You know it well, the song that always gets you so… riled up and ready to go. All horned up from those Latin rhythms. By none other than… why, the ‘stached bandana-man himself, Mr. SANTANA. SANTANA, COMMA, CARLOS. Keep reading
Quick, there’s a nerdy-girl-takes-off-her-glasses-and-wow-she’s-beautiful scene inside. This is all a troll, right?
(Source: College Humor)
Damn autocorrect! I’m trying to fire someone here.
IdioTech: No Texting on Your Calculators, Kids [Click for full post]
My nutrition professor wouldn’t let us use graphing calculators on our final because he didn’t want us texting each other the answers.
- Elizabeth S.
A year ago, my dad started texting. Not only are the texts bare minimum, but he’s more recently enjoyed good old-fashioned misleading acronyms. “Sorry about the dog, lol, dad” Lots of love?
- Brent D.
At least once a week, my mother’s best friend calls us and asks how to use “The Amazon.” She’s been doing this for about 8 years. You think she’d learn.
- Jessa M
Idiotech, the column where we shame your parents, teachers, and other old people for being dumb about technology. If you think your parents are even stupider than this, submit your story to our Tumblr inbox.
(Source: College Humor)
19 People Getting Friend Zoned into Oblivion [Click for more]
Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and I treasure our friendship so, so much.