Need help getting out of a test for finals week? We have you covered.
F for effort either way.
Perhaps they should consider a career in 4chan.
Twas the Night Before Finals [Click for full poem]
Twas the night before finals, when all through the dorm
Not a person was sleeping, though that was the norm
Empty Red Bull, iced coffee, and tash strewn about
In hope that some seeds of knowledge would sprout
The students were sitting uncomfortably at their chairs
Hoping thoughts of good grades won’t be met with despair.
And my roommate in his pajamas, and I in my jeans
Studied like monsters and wrote like machines.
When from outside the building came such a racket
I leaped up from my desk and put on my jacket.
Out of the building I went in a hurry,
My nose meeting smells of ramen, beer, and curry.
The glow of the moon lit up the scene:
Fog on two sides, with a man in between
Emerging from the smoke with two hands outstretched
Holding red plastic cups? It seemed quite farfetched.
Then, after a step or two to keep up his balance
(He seemed to be under some sort of influence)
I realized who the man in front of me must be!
St. Procrastinate himself, it could only be he!
Ambling towards me without a care at all,
He saw my studious nature and seemed quite appalled
“What are you doing, huh? Preparing for exams?
Writing papers, doing projects, and trying to cram?”
“Go out and enjoy your life, just learn to let loose
Time spent in a library is time spent in misuse.
Why bother studying with so much fun at your disposal?”
He took a quick sip of something, and began his proposal: [Keep Reading]
I think he’s been studying a lot of elementary Buddhism.
…so does Dad.
“You should always drop a tab of acid before an exam. That way, pass or fail, you’ll still get flying colours.”
How many dangerous lies and vicious rumors are there if Daddy Fat Stacks blocks his shine at the same rate as the bombs over Baghdad?
“After a serious spill, a former study partner begins to stalk me like a procrastinating puma on an answer sheet.”