Finish reading 10 Reasons Why Bear Week Would Be Better Than Shark Week
Interior: Giant Shower With Unfrosted Glass On All Four Sides Somehow.ANASTASIA STEELE, a busty half-Asian Student / Journalist / Cop-Scientist is showering for five and a half minutes while the Opening Credits Roll. Royalty-free cool-Jazz background music is playing, indicating that something SEXY is happening in 1997 or you’re in the bathroom at a W Hotel.
ANASTASIA towels herself off and exits the bathroom. Her roommate KATE, a petite but busty blond 36-year-old college student is laying on her bed in a tight yellow cocktail dress, masturbating. KATE is startled.
Hey there Kate. I see you’re having fun.
What can I say, Ana, ever since I started dating Mike, I’m just too hot and bothered all the time, I just want everyone. And I mean… everyone.
KATE lovingly caresses ANA’s towel.
Lucky you. Ever since Dave and I broke up, I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever get touched again. Except by you, haha.
Fuck Dave. He was a shit.
ANA playfully pushes KATE’S hand away and they both laugh, then lock eyes. They caress their faces together. The mood turns erotic.
Before we do this, I have to tell you — I’ve only been with another woman one other time today.
Finish reading If “50 Shades Of Grey” Were A Cinemax Movie
It’s like a Grand Theft Auto character has come to life.
Choose a Setting:
1. The War of 1812
2. Wikipedia’s first office, 2000
3. Sodom and Gomorrah
4. Suburban Minneapolis during the Cold War ’50s
5. A robot factory in the not-too-distance future
6. The site of the first SARS outbreak, 2003
7. Europa, the sixth moon of Jupiter, in the year 3000
8. Berkeley California, circa 1967
Choose Your Lead:
1. Bjork, for some reason
2. Patton Oswalt in a surprisingly meatty dramatic role. He can practically smell the Emmy already.
3. Anyone from American Pie
4. Sir Ben Kingsley, pretty much phoning it in
5. A talented person with a perfect face who has somehow never landed a major acting role
6. Dennis Franz, resurrected
7. An increasingly creepy Tilda Swinton
8. The entire cast of Sideways
Finish reading Create Your Own Highbrow TV Pilot!
The best part about a wholesome morning news show blasting DMX is how horrendously awkward their laughs are.
Reality T.V. is so dumb. WAIT don’t change the channel, though, I want to see who the father is!
The obvious mash-up for celebrating large, nontraditional families.
Seen here giving a lecture on the importance of always having extra underwear.