IdioTech: Meet Me at Facebook [Click for more]

My mom opened up her web browser. I recently set the homepage to Google. She exclaimed “Oh, we have Google now!”
- Anonymous 

Whenever my stepmom gets an error in a dialog box on her computer, she just turns off the monitor and says, “I’ll wait for your dad to get home and look at this.”
- Anonymous 

My dad told me to meet him at Facebook. He meant Starbucks.
- Anonymous 

If you know people that don’t understand the difference between “liking” a caramel macchiato venti and drinking a facebook post then submit your stories straight to our Tumblr. You won’t regret it, but your friends might. 

Work Sucks: Tornado Warnings Don’t Apply To Assh*les

I’m a security officer and work in a big office building. One night we received a tornado warning so I then evacuated the 85 employees that were still there down to the shelter. I then patrolled all three floors to look for anyone who may have not heard the evacuation announcement. I found one guy in his office who refused to leave stating “Those procedures are for hourly employees and I am busy so please shut my door.” I made two more attempts to get him to the shelter, letting him know that if hes not following procedure that he’s free to go home as I can’t legally hold him in the building however I let him know that should he choose to stay he must follow company procedures regardless of payroll status. He told me to get off my power trip and get out of his face. I went down to the shelter mere seconds before the roof was starting to cave in. When it was all done, I went up to check on him and he fallen to the floor and his desk was laying on top of his cold quivering wet body. He had the balls to then ask me for help.

- Anonymous

Have you dealt with any quivering pussies lately at work? If so then let’s embarrass them together. Send your work sucks stories straight to our Tumblr. 

Rough Love: You bring out the best of me

My boyfriend had been pursuing me all night trying to get me to have sex. I wasn’t terribly in the mood but I finally gave in and we proceeded to head into the bedroom. Just as we started going at it he lets out this huge, rank fart and starts laughing hysterically. I said “How can you expect me to f**k you when you just farted like that?” He replied with, “What can I say babe? You bring out the best of me” – complete a huge ass grin on his face.
- Anonymous

If your significant other brings out the best in you then submit those smelly stories straight to our Tumblr. 

Rough Love: Lactose Intolerance Has Nothing to Do With Eggs, Sweetie [Click for full post]

I’m lactose intolerant. After eating some raw cookie dough, I said to my girlfriend, “I think that’s bad for you” and take a piece for myself. She replies, “it’s especially bad for you.” “why?” I ask. “Because it has eggs,” she says, “I thought that had something to do with dairy…Please don’t post this.” Too late.
- Anonymous

My wife does NOT enjoy being tickled which makes it all the funner for me to tickle her. The problem is that she’s a dirty fighter. Her immediate reaction to being tickled?…Attack my balls in any way possible. Kicking, punching, attempted crushing. Its all fair game to her.
- Anonymous

After having sex, my fiance and I always high-five.
- Anonymous

The last one wasn’t really rough, but I guess that depends on how hard they high-fived. If you high-five rougher then submit your stories to us here on Tumblr. You know you want to.

5 Gifs You Can Hear and Feel

Woah, dude. It’s like you can hear and feel the thump in these gifs. And no you aren’t high. Unless you are high. In which case, you can DEFINITELY hear and feel it. Sweet, sweet brain magic.

What gifs stimulate your senses? If you got some then submit them straight to our Tumblr.

Work Sucks: Holiday AND Compensation

I worked at a store for a few months, nothing out of the blue. As time went on tasks became more and more weirder. It used to ‘Get stock’….’Thanks’ then it was ‘could you count the trolleys please? cheers’ then I had to check a fuse, guess how that went. Soon time went on and I noticed they pay wasn’t matching the agreed contract. 4.98 was meant to be my pay but I got 3.69. So I complained and they said it went well according to them, but I knew something was up. So I left and started bugging the company. Turned out it was the company’s fault, wrong contract. So now im stuck with NOT getting the pay that I thought id be getting but now they owe me holiday pay AND compensation. Now they know how it feels to get fucked over. – - Connor H

Be like Connor and submit your own “Work Sucks” stories straight to our Tumblr inbox.

Hey everyone, BearShark the Game was released today on Nintendo 3DS! 

I have 5 complimentary codes that you can type into your 3DS to get the game for free. The first 5 to submit a bear or shark picture to our Tumblr will get them. Starting now! 

Work Sucks: My Little Princess

In my first year of college I worked at Abercrombie and Fitch (kids) store. It was a pretty boring job. Folding clothes, setting up new sets of clothes, saying the crappy tag line, checking out and changing rooms. One day I had to work the changing rooms. I see three girls who are like 12 years old and a botox mom with them all carrying lots of victoria secret bags. (Why 12 year olds need to buy lots of stuff from victoria secret I do not know…) So this girl grabs probably 15 items and I told her she couldn’t take all the items in the changing rooms. She starts getting hissy and calls her mom over saying how I wouldn’t let her in the changing room. I had to explain to her mom why 15 items weren’t allowed because you can only take 5 items of clothing into a changing room. Her mom tells her to give me the clothes she doesn’t want to take into the changing room. Well the girl starts throwing the clothes at me! When she finished throwing the clothes at me. I asked her, “Is there anything else I can help you with little princess!” Her mom asked for the manager and complained about me. My manager took me to the back room. Right when we entered he busted out laughing. He said that was some funny shit you said but don’t ever do that again. My manager told me to just stay in the back room till they left and do nothing.
- Justin B

If your job sucks, like most do, then submit those complaints to us right here on Tumblr. Sharing misery is what the Internet was made for.

Don’t Ever Live With Someone From Work

My roommate is so messy it’s disgusting. Weird smells come out of her room…I can’t even describe it, its like BO and sweaty gym socks and god only knows. There are crumbs all over our kitchen constantly no matter how much I clean it. I had to put out ant traps cuz I’m sure we will get ants sooner or later. She is always dropping things into the little metal things under the coils of the stove and never cleans it out after! Hello?? That stuff is gonna just burn later….when I’m cooking…. She has never once cleaned a thing in our apartment…ever. But I repay her for that because after I clean the bathroom I dry off all the surfaces with her face towel and then hang it back on the hook so she will use it to dry her face the next morning. I also put a few drops of pickle juice in her half gone gallon of milk so she thought it spoiled and threw it out….and I’ve done this a few times…love seeing her waste money. On an unrelated note….she contributed next to nothing to our apartment. Well that’s gonna bite her in the ass when I tell her I’m not renewing our lease and then she will be stuck with an apartment with nothing in it except her bed, a couch, and a frying pan. Whoops, guess she just won’t have a roommate but will be stuck here for her job ….or she can go back home and live with her parents. HA! Oh yea, and bitch has GOT to learn to chew with her mouth closed. No one wants to see half-eaten food rolling around in your mouth. DISGUSTING! Not to mention this girl is perpetually single. She has a gross face with no chin (how weird is that?). Not sure if she has ever dated anyone but she is so socially awkward I wouldn’t be surprised if she is 24 and still a virgin. I wish I could say all this to her face, or just be a complete bitch to her…but we work together…so I am forced to be courteous and nice. Lesson learned here: don’t ever live with someone you only know from work…chances are they are going to be a horrible roommate. Worst. Decision. Ever. - Corie 

If you have a story like Corie (that rhymes) then submit yours straight to our Tumblr (that doesn’t) 

CH Doppelgangers Contest: Josh Ruben + Oompa = Ruben Loompa? Oompa Loompa Rubendy Doo?

If you or a friend or an oompa loompa look like any of us here at CollegeHumor then submit them to us on Tumblr. May the best doppelganger win eternal glory.

Rough Love - eBay

Ironic how my ex girlfriend was the one who taught me how to sell things on eBay considering everything she bought me is now up for auction.

How’s your love life? Tell us by submitting your stories straight to our Tumblr.

(Source: College Humor)

These guys were paying attention in Chem

Joe Pera’s 2012 Andy Kaufman Award Submission Video

The only trophy in life that matters is the one inside of you that makes you real sick and eventually leads to your death.

(Source: joepera.com)

Write For Help With Illiteracy

Also, copy this phone number to call if you have numerical dyslexia!