IdioTech: Meet Me at Facebook [Click for more]

My mom opened up her web browser. I recently set the homepage to Google. She exclaimed “Oh, we have Google now!”
- Anonymous 

Whenever my stepmom gets an error in a dialog box on her computer, she just turns off the monitor and says, “I’ll wait for your dad to get home and look at this.”
- Anonymous 

My dad told me to meet him at Facebook. He meant Starbucks.
- Anonymous 

If you know people that don’t understand the difference between “liking” a caramel macchiato venti and drinking a facebook post then submit your stories straight to our Tumblr. You won’t regret it, but your friends might. 

I Married Her For Her Port-a-Potty Farts [Click for full post]

My wife has farts that make a state fair porta-potty smell good. This has become a nightly occurrence - Anonymous

So I was over my boyfriend’s house last night, and we started messing around a little. I got on top of him and started riding him, when all of a sudden he burst out laughing. I asked what he was laughing at and all he could get out was “Reach for the stars!” After about 10 minutes of hysterical laughter, he finally explained that somehow his mind had connected the cowgirl position with Woody from Toy Story, and “reaching for the stars” was him ejaculating. What have I gotten myself into?- naturegir

Having a rough love kind of week? We understand. Share it with the world and submit your stories right here on Tumblr.

IdioTech: Where Do I Put the Money?

Welcome to Idiotech, the column where we shame your parents, teachers, and other old people for being dumb about technology.

My grandmother asked me where she was supposed to “place the money” in her computer, And when I asked her why, she said it was to buy that sweater off the website I showed her.
- Anonymous

Everytime my dad uses the internet, no matter the browser he will use a search engine and type the website’s url in there instead of the navigation bar.
- starlight-shadow 

My mom asked how long I’d be 18 years old the day before my birthday. It took her several minutes to realize what she had asked me.
- whorephanages 

I once texted my dad a link to a website and he asked how he could access the site on the computer instead of his phone…
- noestoyhechodecarne 

Our first batch of Tumblr submitters are here! If you’d like to submit to IdioTech or any of our other columns then we just made it a whole lot easier. Send it straight to our Tumblr. 

Don’t Ever Live With Someone From Work

My roommate is so messy it’s disgusting. Weird smells come out of her room…I can’t even describe it, its like BO and sweaty gym socks and god only knows. There are crumbs all over our kitchen constantly no matter how much I clean it. I had to put out ant traps cuz I’m sure we will get ants sooner or later. She is always dropping things into the little metal things under the coils of the stove and never cleans it out after! Hello?? That stuff is gonna just burn later….when I’m cooking…. She has never once cleaned a thing in our apartment…ever. But I repay her for that because after I clean the bathroom I dry off all the surfaces with her face towel and then hang it back on the hook so she will use it to dry her face the next morning. I also put a few drops of pickle juice in her half gone gallon of milk so she thought it spoiled and threw it out….and I’ve done this a few times…love seeing her waste money. On an unrelated note….she contributed next to nothing to our apartment. Well that’s gonna bite her in the ass when I tell her I’m not renewing our lease and then she will be stuck with an apartment with nothing in it except her bed, a couch, and a frying pan. Whoops, guess she just won’t have a roommate but will be stuck here for her job ….or she can go back home and live with her parents. HA! Oh yea, and bitch has GOT to learn to chew with her mouth closed. No one wants to see half-eaten food rolling around in your mouth. DISGUSTING! Not to mention this girl is perpetually single. She has a gross face with no chin (how weird is that?). Not sure if she has ever dated anyone but she is so socially awkward I wouldn’t be surprised if she is 24 and still a virgin. I wish I could say all this to her face, or just be a complete bitch to her…but we work together…so I am forced to be courteous and nice. Lesson learned here: don’t ever live with someone you only know from work…chances are they are going to be a horrible roommate. Worst. Decision. Ever. - Corie 

If you have a story like Corie (that rhymes) then submit yours straight to our Tumblr (that doesn’t) 

Work Sucks: Slapped By A Sweet Old Lady [Click for full post]

On weekends I volunteer at an old folk’s home. On my second day working there, I was greeted at the entrance by the friendly dog that belongs to the home. I walked in with in with him and noticed a sweet old woman in a wheelchair beckoning me over. I smiled and asked what I could do for her. She slapped me and said, “I told you not to bring dogs in the house, bitch.” Lesson Learned: Never judge a book by its cover. Because even a sweet looking old lady in a pastel pink sweater can slap you and call you a bitch.

- Becka S

I worked at a Baskin Robbins for a year, dealing with the shittiest owner ever. He constantly made me work 8+ hour shifts by myself without a break and broke several other labor laws. I never confronted him because money is money and I needed the job. Today I was fired because last Sunday, a day i had requested off, i was scheduled to open, but didn’t since it should have been covered. Well guess who just call got off the phone with BR headquaters, the health department, and the family lawyer regarding serveral health and labor law violations? Yeah, better lawyer up bitch.
- Anonymous

Does work suck for you too? Submit your stories straight to our Tumblr and let the world know.

Rough Love: Yay, Boobs!

You see, I’m quite the nerd. When I first started dating my girlfriend, we went at it in my storage room. I then proceeded to have sex with her on top of my vintage Star Wars action figure collection. At that moment I felt like I shattered nerd stereotypes. But I also found out the packaging on the top layer of figures are now in less than mint condition :(

- Anonymous

Me and my boyfriend were hanging out when things started getting hot and heavy. When I took my top off, he looked at me and exclaimed “Yay! Boobs!”… He’s 25…. I’m pretty sure his mind stopped at 14…. It’s justified with his love of comic books!
- Anonymous

Ironic how my ex girlfriend was the one who taught me how to sell things on eBay considering everything she bought me is now up for auction.
- Anonymous

Love Rough Love? Then join the party. Submit your sensual stories right to our Tumblr. We’re all submerged in a bathtub, sipping wine, awaiting your sultriness. More rough lovin

Work Sucks: Butts Make the Best Headrests

If work is ruining your life too then tell the world! Submit your story to our inbox and you could be published in the next issue. 

I was in the office relaxing in a chair. I leaned my head back and thought to myself, “Wow, what a comfy headrest.” Then I realized, that chair didn’t have a headrest. I had been leaning head against my cute co-worker’s ass for 2 minutes and she never said a thing.
- Anonymous

Today, I had to call the Australian Passport office to track my passport. Turns out they lost it in the mail. A week ago, I got my dream job as a flight attendant. Without a passport they won’t accept me. I lost my dream job before I even started it.
- Anonymous

I just got fired for not working on my vacation.
- D.S. 

In this issue, we’ve brought you more of the best of your worst work stories from the past year. 

Rough Love: Fire Alarms and Fat Bastard

Just after my girlfriend and I had some really hot sex, the fire alarm in her apartment building began screeching. That night we learned how fast the two of us could get dressed. Well…mostly dressed. I’m sure nobody noticed right? - Anonymous

I was having sex with this guy on his bedroom floor and got my period and it stained the carpet. I was too embarrassed to own up to it, so I convinced him that there must be something wrong with him because he came blood. He then spent the rest of the month freaking out because he thought his dick was broken. Little did he know, it was just my lady business. Sorry, not sorry. - averageandboring

Girls, an (useful) advice from a girl who’s boyfriend is a nerd: Give him a blowjob when he’s gaming! Seriously, the look on his face is priceless and he’ll be thankful. I promise! ;) - Riiwii

My girlfriend and I were about about to have sex when she said “Get in my belly”, I asked what said not quite believing what I had heard and she repeated “Get in my belly”. Needless to say it’s hard to be turned on when your girlfriend is impersonating Fat Bastard. - Anonymous

There’s more rough loving here where you can also submit your own story or just hit up our Tumblr inbox with it. We always check.

The Internet Is For Cat Videos, Right?

My Dad was editing a video for his work which he was going to upload to YouTube, upon overhearing this my nan gave a laugh and asked why we’d upload it to YouTube. Why was she so surprised? She thought the website was ONLY for cat videos… - Anonymous 

My mother in law is worried about us sending her videos or pictures of our new baby from our iPhones because it will “use up our minutes.” - Anonymous 

Whenever my aunt sees something on the internet, shes says “the man in the computer told me”. I still don’t know if she’s kidding or not. - Anonymous 

We know you must love shaming your friends and family too so send us the dirt and it could be in the next IdioTech column. You can also send those stories to us straight on Tumblr. 

Rough Love: Does it still count as sex if the guy can’t get it up? [Click for more]

One out of three guys I’ve slept with couldn’t get it up. I wonder if it still counts as sleeping with them and whether I’m considered a slut, or maybe I’m just too hot and they were extremely nervous…. - Anonymous

Before me and my ex ever slept together (actual sleeping in a bed) she would spend forever in the bathroom. When I asked her one time why this was she left the room and came back with a note that said “I have bad gas at night”…She did! - Anonymous

One night I was over at my boyfriend’s house (now my ex). We were making out and it was getting pretty intense. At almost the exact moment our hands got into each other’s pants his dad opened the bedroom door we forgot to lock and said, “You guys coming down for dinner? Or have you already eaten?” - Anonymous

Share your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories in our Tumblr inbox or submit them here at the bottom of the page.

How to Get Hired By Seeming Like a Serial Killer [Click for more]

Welcome to Work Sucks, the column where you get to complain about your most terrible, lousy, soul-sucking jobs. In this issue, we’ve brought you more of the best of your worst work stories from the past year. If your job sucks too then submit your story to us on Tumblr and it might be featured in the next column.

I work for Comcast as an installer, one of my duties is disconnecting cable. I disconnected a guy on Superbowl Sunday right before the game, I could see his living room with a flat screen set up and cars lining the street for a party. A minute before kick off, I pulled the wire, before I could get down the pole, the guy comes out with a gun shooting at me. I got the hell out of there and called the cops. - Anonymous

So some kid kept on asking her mom to get her candy while I was at work today. When they came by to check out, the mom asked me, “You are so skinny. What do you eat usually?” I answered, “Spinach. Lots of spinach.” The look on her kid’s face was priceless. - Anonymous

I work at a restaurant where we pass out pagers when your food is ready. A mother and young boy ordered their food and the boy kept reaching up. The mother handed him the pager and said “He always enjoys playing with my vibrator.” My eyes got wide as I tried not to laugh. Then she said “uh I mean buzzer thingy” and made a bee line for the drink station. - Anonymous - Continue reading

Rough Love: Slow Dancing, Roosters, and Pokeballs [Click for more]

Rough Love is back by popular demand! It’s the column where we share your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories.

My dad is cheating on my stepmother with my mother. Both think he’s going to leave one for the other. I want to hit him. - Rose

This girl I’m seeing now is a huge nerd just like me. She took a plain white bra and drew on the cups to make them look like Pokeballs. Knowing she had this on one day I said, “I see you have two hidden items under your shirt.” We both couldn’t stop laughing for 20 minutes. - Anonymous

I was once at a dance with a boyfriend of mine. We were slow dancing and he was singing the song to me. Not only did his voice sound like a distressed cat, but he proceeded to ask me, in the middle of the song, if i could “feel his excitement”. I didn’t know slow dancing could make a guy horny. - Anonymous

If you think you can top this batch of rough loving, submit your story here or just send it to our Tumblr inbox and we’ll read it right there!

Roommate Confessions: String Cheese and Hamburger Buns [Click for more]

Welcome back to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you’ve done to your roommate.

You fed me moldy hamburger buns. I fed you my pubes. -Anonymous

Hey Alan, you know how I gave you discounted rent for the month you crashed at my place, because we were sort of friends last year? And you know how I didn’t even mind when you consumed my food and beer without contributing anything to the household? And do you remember that time I asked for a ride down the street and you tried to charge me ten dollars for “gas money?” Oh and do you recall that time I fucked one of your friends on your futon and then came, on your futon? Well I did. - Anonymous

I ate the last string cheese. Sorry man. - Anonymous

If you think you can top these stories, confess your sins here.

My Elf Girlfriend: Fast & Furious [Click for sketch]

It’s the greatest story ever told, retold to impress Murph’s GF’s elf friends.

The Story of Christmas as Told by a Child [Click to continue reading]

Hey, get it right. JESUS hung out with dinosaurs.