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8 Dark Theories About Children’s Movies and TV Shows
Chewbacca and R2D2 were traitors.
I kind of wanted to include this as a treat to myself, just to imagine the spike in blood pressure from nerds once again seeing Star Wars labeled as a kids movie. Which it is. Am I kidding? Do you have toys? I digress. Some dopes out there find it hard to accept that maybe some stories are just… pretty straightforward. In their mind, R2D2 is a spy who avoids getting his memory deleted and purposefully manipulates everyone around him to avoid getting captured and help the Rebels. He often does so by communicating with “fellow super spy” Chewbacca, who uses stupid ol’ Han Solo, a mere puppet of a pilot, to do his every nefarious bidding. Let’s slow down for a second. Star Wars is pretty much the oldest tale in the book, a prototypical hero’s journey. There are good guys and there are bad guys. There are some twists and turns, of course, but this is not Dostoevsky. Chewy is a big furry thing, R2D2 is a little beepy thing. They do stuff, kids enjoy them, shut up. Keep Reading

8 Dark Theories About Children’s Movies and TV Shows

Chewbacca and R2D2 were traitors.

I kind of wanted to include this as a treat to myself, just to imagine the spike in blood pressure from nerds once again seeing Star Wars labeled as a kids movie. Which it is. Am I kidding? Do you have toys? I digress. Some dopes out there find it hard to accept that maybe some stories are just… pretty straightforward. In their mind, R2D2 is a spy who avoids getting his memory deleted and purposefully manipulates everyone around him to avoid getting captured and help the Rebels. He often does so by communicating with “fellow super spy” Chewbacca, who uses stupid ol’ Han Solo, a mere puppet of a pilot, to do his every nefarious bidding. Let’s slow down for a second. Star Wars is pretty much the oldest tale in the book, a prototypical hero’s journey. There are good guys and there are bad guys. There are some twists and turns, of course, but this is not Dostoevsky. Chewy is a big furry thing, R2D2 is a little beepy thing. They do stuff, kids enjoy them, shut up. Keep Reading

The 5 Types of Romantic Comedy Movie Posters [Click to view all]
Two Guys, One Girl, No Cup.

The 5 Types of Romantic Comedy Movie Posters [Click to view all]

Two Guys, One Girl, No Cup.

James Bond Resigns Following 790 Sexual Affairs [Click for Full Report]
James Bond, a longtime agent with the British Secret Service, has announced his resignation after being implicated in a vast number of sexual affairs. He issued the following statement earlier today:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and thank you for coming. I am here to announce that I am stepping down from my position with British Intelligence and handing in my License To Kill, effective immediately. The fact is, I willingly engaged in conduct unbefitting an individual in my profession, as I have engaged in inappropriate sexual contact with approximately 790 different individuals during my tenure with this organization, in a variety of locations around the world including numerous boats, moving vehicles, and areas just outside volcanic villain lairs, often times massively endangering myself, my sexual partner, and my mission in the process.
First off, I’d like to apologize to everyone I’ve hurt: To the British government and its citizens, to M, to Miss Moneypenny, and most of all, to my loving wife of more than 30 years, Susan Wertz-Bond. Suzie, you’ll always be my rock, and I thank you for all of your unwavering support during this trying time.
Now, a lot of you didn’t know I was married, and there’s a reason for that: I’m an international superagent who constantly puts myself and those around me in mortal danger. Do you really expect me to go around wearing a wedding band and mentioning my wife willy-nilly when I’m banging villain-mistresses by the half-dozen inside laser-guarded kill-chambers? Sure, if I didn’t love my wife and wanted someone to come kidnap her, I could say “sorry I’m married” and refrain from constant sex with mysterious and often incredibly dangerous strangers, but I’ve never been one to take the easy way out. And yes, this also applies to when I’m off duty and frequent local pubs, and when I banged that Chili’s hostess six weeks ago, and when I slept with my wife’s sister Denise while she was visiting her grandmother in the hospital: The fact is, you just never know who’s secretly an evil double-agent, so it’s best to just never mention your wife in front of anyone, ever. I stand by that. [Keep Reading]

James Bond Resigns Following 790 Sexual Affairs [Click for Full Report]

James Bond, a longtime agent with the British Secret Service, has announced his resignation after being implicated in a vast number of sexual affairs. He issued the following statement earlier today:

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and thank you for coming. I am here to announce that I am stepping down from my position with British Intelligence and handing in my License To Kill, effective immediately. The fact is, I willingly engaged in conduct unbefitting an individual in my profession, as I have engaged in inappropriate sexual contact with approximately 790 different individuals during my tenure with this organization, in a variety of locations around the world including numerous boats, moving vehicles, and areas just outside volcanic villain lairs, often times massively endangering myself, my sexual partner, and my mission in the process.

First off, I’d like to apologize to everyone I’ve hurt: To the British government and its citizens, to M, to Miss Moneypenny, and most of all, to my loving wife of more than 30 years, Susan Wertz-Bond. Suzie, you’ll always be my rock, and I thank you for all of your unwavering support during this trying time.

Now, a lot of you didn’t know I was married, and there’s a reason for that: I’m an international superagent who constantly puts myself and those around me in mortal danger. Do you really expect me to go around wearing a wedding band and mentioning my wife willy-nilly when I’m banging villain-mistresses by the half-dozen inside laser-guarded kill-chambers? Sure, if I didn’t love my wife and wanted someone to come kidnap her, I could say “sorry I’m married” and refrain from constant sex with mysterious and often incredibly dangerous strangers, but I’ve never been one to take the easy way out. And yes, this also applies to when I’m off duty and frequent local pubs, and when I banged that Chili’s hostess six weeks ago, and when I slept with my wife’s sister Denise while she was visiting her grandmother in the hospital: The fact is, you just never know who’s secretly an evil double-agent, so it’s best to just never mention your wife in front of anyone, ever. I stand by that. [Keep Reading]

Jimmy Kimmel Breaks Down the Petraeus Scandal

The spy who shagged me also shagged other people.

(Source: youtube.com)

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