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The First Draft of Shia LaBeouf's Apology »

Amazon CEO Apologizes for Drones

It’s not the Singularity. It’s the Singularity Prime.

(Source: youtube.com)

Millennials Finally Apologize For Sucking So Much

It’s Obama’s fault.

(Source: youtube.com)

Making New Friends is as Easy as Kicking Them in the Face
By this logic Jackie Chan is the most popular man on the planet.

Making New Friends is as Easy as Kicking Them in the Face

By this logic Jackie Chan is the most popular man on the planet.

(Source: reddit.com)

My Apologies to the Girl I Tried to Smell, and Others [click for others]
To the Worker at Home Depot:
I’m sorry that when I asked if you had fishing line, you asked me what I needed it for, and I admitted in a disappointed-in-myself voice, “It’s for a craft project.” First of all, can’t a girl buy a little fishing line in New York City without the third degree? Maybe I’m one of those guys fishing in the Hudson. You don’t know. You don’t know my life. Maybe I like Hudson fish? Fine. I don’t eat Hudson fish and maybe all signs DID point to craft project. Maybe it was my lost-child stare that said, “I don’t come here a lot.” Perhaps the contents of my cart (one cardboard box, two wooden dowels and a can of spray paint) didn’t add up to “home improvement project.” So what. I resent being pigeonholed. I resent being “read” mister, okay? And alsothankyousomuch you pointed me in exactly the right direction and my craft project came out so perfect, the girls at the coffee klatch just DIED! Continue
 

My Apologies to the Girl I Tried to Smell, and Others [click for others]

To the Worker at Home Depot:

I’m sorry that when I asked if you had fishing line, you asked me what I needed it for, and I admitted in a disappointed-in-myself voice, “It’s for a craft project.” First of all, can’t a girl buy a little fishing line in New York City without the third degree? Maybe I’m one of those guys fishing in the Hudson. You don’t know. You don’t know my life. Maybe I like Hudson fish? Fine. I don’t eat Hudson fish and maybe all signs DID point to craft project. Maybe it was my lost-child stare that said, “I don’t come here a lot.” Perhaps the contents of my cart (one cardboard box, two wooden dowels and a can of spray paint) didn’t add up to “home improvement project.” So what. I resent being pigeonholed. I resent being “read” mister, okay? And alsothankyousomuch you pointed me in exactly the right direction and my craft project came out so perfect, the girls at the coffee klatch just DIED! Continue

 

My Apologies to the Girl I Tried to Smell, and Others [click for others]
To The Girl on the Train I Kept Trying to Smell
Well, that sounds bad. I’m sorry. But the thing is this. I am in the market for a new perfume. I thought you had on a perfume that I liked. It turns out you didn’t. The scent I liked belonged to the man sitting in front of you. I’ll deal with my issues of wanting to wear a men’s cologne at another time and place. This is about the fact that I was wafting you for the entire trip from New York to Washington, DC. Wafting is an oft-unnoticed activity, but intimate nonetheless, and I feel the need to tell you that I did it. I wafted you, girl. I wafted you good. I was ultimately disappointed in the results, but hey. We gave it a go. We tried. Hope you had a nice trip. Me? Well. I’m still looking for my perfume partner in the sun. Smell you around? Continue

My Apologies to the Girl I Tried to Smell, and Others [click for others]

To The Girl on the Train I Kept Trying to Smell

Well, that sounds bad. I’m sorry. But the thing is this. I am in the market for a new perfume. I thought you had on a perfume that I liked. It turns out you didn’t. The scent I liked belonged to the man sitting in front of you. I’ll deal with my issues of wanting to wear a men’s cologne at another time and place. This is about the fact that I was wafting you for the entire trip from New York to Washington, DC. Wafting is an oft-unnoticed activity, but intimate nonetheless, and I feel the need to tell you that I did it. I wafted you, girl. I wafted you good. I was ultimately disappointed in the results, but hey. We gave it a go. We tried. Hope you had a nice trip. Me? Well. I’m still looking for my perfume partner in the sun. Smell you around? Continue

My Apologies to the Blind Man I Ran Into and Others
To the blind man I ran into on the sidewalk

I’m really sorry. There’s no good way to excuse hitting a blind man with your body. But I’m going to try. It was raining, I had my big furry hood on which blocked my peripheral vision and I was on a mission to get to shelter. When it was already too late, I saw what I now realize was your tappy cane in front of me. Seconds later I felt the full body check of a blind man against me. What I’m trying to say, in so many words, is that I was quite literally blind sided. But, look, I’m not here to play a game of he-said-she-said. I’m here to apologize. Even though it’s anyone’s guess what the right of way rules are on this one. Is there special dispensation for the blind? Probably. Does it change things if it’s raining and I’m in a really cute not-good-for-rain coat? Probably not. But regardless, I thought I’d be the bigger person and apologize. And I can do that without hesitation. Because there’s like zero chance you are reading this right now. Continue

My Apologies to the Blind Man I Ran Into and Others

To the blind man I ran into on the sidewalk

I’m really sorry. There’s no good way to excuse hitting a blind man with your body. But I’m going to try. It was raining, I had my big furry hood on which blocked my peripheral vision and I was on a mission to get to shelter. When it was already too late, I saw what I now realize was your tappy cane in front of me. Seconds later I felt the full body check of a blind man against me. What I’m trying to say, in so many words, is that I was quite literally blind sided. But, look, I’m not here to play a game of he-said-she-said. I’m here to apologize. Even though it’s anyone’s guess what the right of way rules are on this one. Is there special dispensation for the blind? Probably. Does it change things if it’s raining and I’m in a really cute not-good-for-rain coat? Probably not. But regardless, I thought I’d be the bigger person and apologize. And I can do that without hesitation. Because there’s like zero chance you are reading this right now. Continue

Mike and Watt Apologize to Murph

They’re sorry for 2004—and that joke now too.

(Previously: CollegeHumor Rips Off Mike and Watt)

(Previously: CollegeHumor Reprimands Mike and Watt)

Honest Apology Note 
Sharing is caring. Too bad I DGAF.

Honest Apology Note

Sharing is caring. Too bad I DGAF.

(Source: reddit.com)

1. Write an email. Let someone know that you’re sorry without having to make eye contact, or an attempt at pretending to actually be sorry.
2. Make a phone call. After experiencing the living hell that is answering a ringing phone, whatever you did last night won’t seem nearly as bad.
3. Replace whatever you destroyed. If you barfed on someone’s cocktail dress, get them a new one. If you ruined someone’s relationship, buy them two.
4. Buy a gift. If it’s a good enough present, it should get someone to forget about your festive failings, and not stand as a memorial to it.
5. Disappear for a while. You’ll get to avoid whoever it is that you want to avoid, and they’ll get the gift of not having to see your face. [Keep Reading]

1. Write an email. Let someone know that you’re sorry without having to make eye contact, or an attempt at pretending to actually be sorry.

2. Make a phone call. After experiencing the living hell that is answering a ringing phone, whatever you did last night won’t seem nearly as bad.

3. Replace whatever you destroyed. If you barfed on someone’s cocktail dress, get them a new one. If you ruined someone’s relationship, buy them two.

4. Buy a gift. If it’s a good enough present, it should get someone to forget about your festive failings, and not stand as a memorial to it.

5. Disappear for a while. You’ll get to avoid whoever it is that you want to avoid, and they’ll get the gift of not having to see your face. [Keep Reading]

Canadian Bus
Surry, surry

Canadian Bus

Surry, surry

(Source: reddit.com)

Thoughtful Graffiti Apology
Being able to say you’re sorry takes real strength.

Thoughtful Graffiti Apology

Being able to say you’re sorry takes real strength.

(Source: reddit.com)

Polite Canadian Sign Apologizes
Sorry for trying to keep you safe, gawsh.

Polite Canadian Sign Apologizes

Sorry for trying to keep you safe, gawsh.

(Source: reddit.com)

Unusual Apology Cake
Honest mistake deserves a cake!

Unusual Apology Cake

Honest mistake deserves a cake!

Pick-Up Lines for the Person You’re Already Dating

Pick-Up Lines for the Person You’re Already Dating

(Source: College Humor)