It’s the most dank time of the year.
He’s the most interesting man in the…park. With a nicotine addiction.
Almost Reading: 10 Secret Body Parts You Didn’t Know You Had [Click to continue]
Nicotine and brain farts…the backbone of American culture.
TLDNR / Saying “Hi” to Tyler [Click for full post]
I’ve spent roughly half my life so far smoking cigarettes. I gave it up three or four years ago but now chain chew nicotine gum and only smoke when I’m drinking, when I’m filming something or when I feel like it. Which is all the time. I don’t even like smoking: it doesn’t taste good, I’m too old for it to look cool and my teeth are permanently a few shades closer to butter than most people find attractive. I’m sure my lungs look like the inside of a lazy stoner’s resin-caked bowl, except you can’t scrape and smoke the tar coating the inside of my body to get high… OR CAN YOU?!
Smoking my first cigarette, while extremely fun at the time, was probably the worst decision I ever made, and I have a tattoo reading “EST. 1982” on the bottom of my foot so that’s saying something. When non-smokers ask what I find so appealing about smoking I have a few stock answers I like to whip out: “When you smoke you’re never bored because you can always have a cigarette!”, “It calms me down,” and “OH, LIKEYOU'RE FUCKING PERFECT, MOM?!” But the truth is I don’t find anything appealing about smoking. I’m just addicted to nicotine and cigarettes are the easiest (and weirdly, cheapest) way to get it into my bloodstream. [Continue reading]
Guy Smoking Cigarette Apathetic to Car Roll Over [Click to animate]
"Hm, that’s strange."
Don’t worry, this won’t scar them for life.
“So I met this girl online, and we were doing a lot of chatting, just getting-to-know you kind of stuff. After awhile of getting a feel for each others’ personalities, we get into specifics of lifestyle and such, and I tell her, “I don’t drink, smoke, swear, do drugs, or mass murder.” She instantly responds back with, “I don’t drink, smoke, swear, do drugs, and you’ll never find the bodies.” I think I’m in love…”
Be careful what you wish for.
“I work as a police officer in my hometown. One night, during a routine alcohol/drugs-roadcontrol, I was charged with the task of picking vehicles out of traffic and leading them into a parking lot where the drivers had to submit themselves to an alcohol -and drugtest. During the second half of my shift, I picked out a worn out van and signaled him that he had to approach me and drive into the parking lot. The vehicle (still approaching from a distance) starts slowing down and approaches me at an extremely low speed, until it stops 30 meters (I’m Belgian) before the parking lot. Once the van stopped, the horn immediately started working. I immediately approached the van and saw a dude sleeping with his head on the wheel. The girl sitting next to him was looking at the floor, nodding her head, with a serious facepalm. When I opened the door, a cloud of pot-smoke left the van. Apparently the dude was baked like a motherf* and fell asleep while slowing down… Work sucks but this kind of shit makes it all worth the while.”
I guess I stopped watching Barney before the good episodes.
“Cigarettes are like hamsters-perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.”
“My friends and I are about 15 at this point and smoking pot because we live in the boonies with nothing to do. Turns out the guy in the apartment above us doesn’t care that we’re just kids and calls the cops on us. After we throw the pipe out the windows at the last second and spray the place down, completing the skunk pot smoke febreeze effect, cops come into my friends bedroom. Despite being incredibly stoned at that age I chatted with the cop for ten minutes about my track team events and adventures. Turns out he used to do track as well. So grabbed his partner from whatever he was doing elsewhere in the apartment and left, wishing me good luck at my next meet. Turns out, you can escape the police without running.”