I know a lot of people don’t have dates tonight, so here’s one on me.
-Sorry I’m late.
-I guess they don’t give you free bread here.
-Is it just me, or does the guy sitting next to us look like what would happen if Rick Moranis and Strom Thurmond had a baby?
-I mean, it’s not like bread costs that much.
-Is it just me, or does our waitress look like what would happen if Zooey Deschanel had a baby with the girl from Elf?
-Eh, I don’t think I actually want to order bread—seems like a waste of money.
-According to my phone, it’s actually the same lady.
-Is it just me, or does Rick Moranis and Strom Thurmond’s baby actually look like Abe Vigoda?
-Okay, if he had a baby with Latrell Sprewell.
-You know, the guy who used to play for the Knicks.
-He had cornrows, choked his coach once.
-Anyway, tell me about yourself.
-So are we still going to see The Vow, or is it just me?
-Oh, just you two? Sorry.
Alex Watt would like to take you on a date.