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News Anchor Loses It Over Ryan Lochte’s Stupidity and Cuteness

He’s a man at night and a man in the morning…whatever that means. 

Patrick Cassels vs. Ryan Lotche


The BS from you guys keeps on coming! I thought I made it clear that I was only saying I could out-swim Ryan Lochte WITH PRACTICE, but I guess that wasn’t enough. Well fine, I accept your challenge, Mr. Lochte. I will race you, but on my terms:

-You are not allowed to wear goggles

-You must to eat a full Subway sandwich and chips and not wait 30 mins before getting in the water

-I can to use a snorkel if I want

-You can only do backstroke, while I can do backstroke, front stroke, breast stroke or get out and run alongside the pool

-Every 10 meters you have to turn around go back and touch the starting block

-I can call a time out anytime and chug a Red Bull

-I can shove you, but you can’t shove me

-If me shoving you messes with my swimming it counts as you shoving me and you forfeit the race

-I’m allowed to stretch as much as I want before, while your hands and feet will be bound for the entire race

-If the lifeguard has to pull me from the water that counts as me finishing the race

-If the lifeguard is cute and a girl I get to date her

-If she doesn’t want to be my girlfriend she’s an idiot

-And no longer cute

-I’m allowed to ride you like a dolphin

-Michael Phelps or an equally fast swimmer can go in my stead

-At any point I can swap you out with my niece who I know I can demolish because she can’t even swim that good

-If I pee in the pool you can’t make fun of me

-On the day of the race if I sleep in, forget or decide I plum don’t feel like doing it that counts as me winning because we’ll never know

-If the water is cold the whole thing is off

-After the race you have to sit down with me and eat a grilled cheese sandwich with me that I make for us

(Source: patrickcassels)