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How Not to Buy Drugs

Are you my guy? Are you the guy I’m meeting? My friend said you’d be wearing a hat. That’s not very descriptive though, there are like 30 people out here wearing hats. My boy said to just drop his name. So here it goes. Ryan. Does that do anything for you? Do you know Ryan? Cool, I guess you’re my guy. Ryan’s guy with the hat, what a foolproof method, can’t go wrong there.

So he said you had good stuff at a fair price. No, I don’t want weed idiot, I want cannabis sativa. Oh, right, I was just joking. So how much tetrahydrocannabinol is in this? You don’t know? I feel like that’s something you should know. You would be a horrible salesman in the real world. Sorry, sorry, I’m just saying.

I don’t know how much I want. How much is enough for me to get high, but not too high, just like a medium high. Is a pound enough to get me high…better give me two, just in case? An eighth? Of a pound? Oh right, ounce, I knew that. A dime bag? Wow, it’s that cheap. In that case give me like 20 dime bags. I thought drugs were a lot more expensive, I guess the economy’s doing well.

So once I have it I just tie up and shoot it up into my arm right? Snort it? Smoke it? Can’t I just eat it plain? Gotcha! I’m just messing with you man. But seriously, can I just eat it? No? Ok.

What the hell is this?!? What’re you trying to sell me? A clump of green dirt? Are you trying to pull a fast one on me? Listen up mister and listen up well, I’m no fool. I looked up marijuana on Wikipedia. I know it’s a leaf with a lot of pretty petals. This stuff looks like dried up leprechaun feces.

So what’re the effects? I want to experience the world in a new light. What’s it going to do to me? I have Attention Deficit Disorder with a tad bit of severe depression, could that be a problem? My health teacher in high school said marijuana is a gateway drug. Is that true? Will I be snorting coke off a prostitute’s ass next week? This may be a bad idea. I’m really starting to freak out!

Are you a cop?!? You don’t look like a cop, but you could be undercover. Show me your badge! A cop can’t refuse to show you his badge if he’s a cop. I saw that on a show once. Fine, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re not a cop. But if you are I’ll be very disappointed. I hate being lied to.

Oh, while I’m here, do you have any opium? We were talking about that in my history class the other day, sounded pretty cool. No? That’s ok. What about tobacco? Oh, that’s legal? Convenience store, got it. 

Actually all I have on me is my debit card? Do you take Visa? No? Oh man, guess this transaction isn’t going down today

I’ll come back another time.

(Source: College Humor)

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Finish the epic conclusion to Diary of the Pinkberry Cashier, as Imagined by Me 

Unless you’ve been completely disconnected from the Internet for the last couple months, you’ve heard of “Bang with Friends” — the app that uses Facebook to allow you to connect with friends you’re interested in banging. You pick the friends you want to bang, if both parties are interested in each other, a connection is made. It’s that easy.
Interview with Colin Hodge, Co-Founder and CEO of Bang with Friends
We got on the phone with Colin Hodge, the 28-year-old co-founder and CEO of “Bang with Friends,” who may have uncovered the answer to what everyone has ever wanted since the beginning of time – casual sex with people you sort of know. 
CollegeHumor: Hey Colin, are you in the Bang with Friends office as we speak?
Bang with Friends: Yep, we’re in the Bang Pad.
CH: Nice. You want to tell us how you thought of the idea?
BWF: [laughs] I was actually working on a different dating site at the time. I was the founder of that one as well, but I was in an incubator for start-ups and we just started drinking one night and talking about how, one, we could add a unique twist to the [the start-up] I was working on, and two, how we could just take a way different approach than everybody else and do something that’s truly honest and allows you to cut through the bullshit of, y’know, typical online dating. So after some drinks we kind of hacked together Bang with Friends version 1, and it just took off from there. We immediately saw how excited people were. One of the guys in the office came in 2 days later and already had a match that was set up for that weekend. So it was pretty insane how quickly it caught on and started working.
CH: Do you consider it more of a dating site than a hookup site?
BWF: Yeah, I mean we want people to just be able to say their true intentions no matter what they are. Obviously the most taboo one that people look at is… banging, but our mobile apps allow you to say if you’d rather hang out with a person first as well, just so that first meeting you know what you’re getting into and you can kind of set expectations. That’s what we think is one of the biggest problems with dating sites – a lot of dishonesty, y’know, guys and girls not saying truly what they’re looking for or what’s on their minds.
CH: How did you find your team?
BWF: We were all working in the same incubator here in California. Basically they give you some office space and you’re there for a few months of intensive work on your startups and we were all working on different projects at the time but came together to fight this battle and solve this problem that we think is pretty big, especially for the younger generations who don’t really want to use sites that are outdated and old fashioned like eHarmony and that sort of thing.
CH: So do you guys all use Bang with Friends? Would you consider yourselves active users on the site?
BWF: [laughs] Hell yes.
CH: Yeah? And how has it gone for you guys?
BWF: It’s gone pretty well. [laughs] I mean I’m not gonna brag, but it works. I’ll say that much. 
Continue reading Interview with Colin Hodge, Co-Founder and CEO of Bang with Friends

Unless you’ve been completely disconnected from the Internet for the last couple months, you’ve heard of “Bang with Friends” — the app that uses Facebook to allow you to connect with friends you’re interested in banging. You pick the friends you want to bang, if both parties are interested in each other, a connection is made. It’s that easy.

Interview with Colin Hodge, Co-Founder and CEO of Bang with Friends

We got on the phone with Colin Hodge, the 28-year-old co-founder and CEO of “Bang with Friends,” who may have uncovered the answer to what everyone has ever wanted since the beginning of time – casual sex with people you sort of know. 

CollegeHumor: Hey Colin, are you in the Bang with Friends office as we speak?

Bang with Friends: Yep, we’re in the Bang Pad.

CH: Nice. You want to tell us how you thought of the idea?

BWF: [laughs] I was actually working on a different dating site at the time. I was the founder of that one as well, but I was in an incubator for start-ups and we just started drinking one night and talking about how, one, we could add a unique twist to the [the start-up] I was working on, and two, how we could just take a way different approach than everybody else and do something that’s truly honest and allows you to cut through the bullshit of, y’know, typical online dating. So after some drinks we kind of hacked together Bang with Friends version 1, and it just took off from there. We immediately saw how excited people were. One of the guys in the office came in 2 days later and already had a match that was set up for that weekend. So it was pretty insane how quickly it caught on and started working.

CH: Do you consider it more of a dating site than a hookup site?

BWF: Yeah, I mean we want people to just be able to say their true intentions no matter what they are. Obviously the most taboo one that people look at is… banging, but our mobile apps allow you to say if you’d rather hang out with a person first as well, just so that first meeting you know what you’re getting into and you can kind of set expectations. That’s what we think is one of the biggest problems with dating sites – a lot of dishonesty, y’know, guys and girls not saying truly what they’re looking for or what’s on their minds.

CH: How did you find your team?

BWF: We were all working in the same incubator here in California. Basically they give you some office space and you’re there for a few months of intensive work on your startups and we were all working on different projects at the time but came together to fight this battle and solve this problem that we think is pretty big, especially for the younger generations who don’t really want to use sites that are outdated and old fashioned like eHarmony and that sort of thing.

CH: So do you guys all use Bang with Friends? Would you consider yourselves active users on the site?

BWF: [laughs] Hell yes.

CH: Yeah? And how has it gone for you guys?

BWF: It’s gone pretty well. [laughs] I mean I’m not gonna brag, but it works. I’ll say that much. 

Continue reading Interview with Colin Hodge, Co-Founder and CEO of Bang with Friends

Honest Music Festival Map [Click to see what really goes down]

Does anybody know why there hasn’t been an upgrade in Porta Potty technology since the 1960s? Makes no sense.

Honest Music Festival Map [Click for encore]

Expertly navigating a music festival can be a difficult task if you’re not well-equipped. Luckily for you, we’ve pieced together a handy little guide of everything you’ll encounter.

Mouseover map to reveal the reality of music festivals

Honest Music Festival Map [Mouseover map on CollegeHumor to reveal the reality of music festivals]
Expertly navigating a music festival can be a difficult task if you’re not well-equipped. Luckily for you, we’ve pieced together a handy little guide of everything you’ll encounter.

Honest Music Festival Map [Mouseover map on CollegeHumor to reveal the reality of music festivals]

Expertly navigating a music festival can be a difficult task if you’re not well-equipped. Luckily for you, we’ve pieced together a handy little guide of everything you’ll encounter.

Yay or Nay: Is Sex Good?

It’s the best thing to get, and the worst thing to want.

(Source: College Humor)

Yay or Nay: Is Sex Good?

It’s the best thing to get, and the worst thing to want.

Check out Josh’s outtakes “here

(Source: College Humor)

Yay or Nay: Is Summer the Worst Season?

Watch us decide, if you can see through the film of sweat.

(Source: College Humor)

Jake and Amir: Citizen’s Arrest

You chose the wrong bull to tango with compende!