Things You Wish You Could Say to Your Roommate [Click for more]
It’s like, STOP EXISTING or something!
If you could be completely honest with your roommate, you’d be the worst.
Roommate Confessions: Your Protein Shake Had a Special Ingredient [Click for full post]
Remember when i had all those protein shakes in my cabinet, and you were really drunk and wanted me to make you a protein shake. Well since i took care of your clumsiness all night, i took out my dog, and mixed his shit with the chocolate powder, and when you complained how bad it tasted i would just say thats how it tastes like sinces it has more protein. yeah what now
Hey do you remember that time you blacked out and woke up the next morning thinking that you pissed and shit your bed? The reality is that I pissed and shit your bed then placed you upon it. Maybe you’ll think twice next time when you leave your drawers open and wear my sandals into the shower. BEOTCH.
Confess your appalling behaviors to us right here on Tumblr.
It was funny for me to watch you desperately try to remove your nail polish when I replaced your nail polish remover with eye makeup remover. I did sort of feel bad when you tried to take off your eye makeup with the nail polish remover. Thank god you didn’t lose your sight like the doctor suggested. Then I would have felt almost bad.
You can confess your own stories right here on Tumblr. Keep them coming.
Roommate Confessions: Superglued Her Door Shut [Click for all]
Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you’ve done to your roommate.
Your bed has gone through a lot while you were gone. I puked on it, farted on it, and dried my dishes on it. Is that not ok?
i hated my old housemates, they hated me. I had to move out so they wouldnt beat me up and i was homeless. I pissed on everybody tooth brush EVERY day and replaced facewash with piss. Sucked in dickheads!
My roommate had a really nice razor that she used for her upper lip. When she pissed me off I used to use it to shave my pubes.
You can submit your own “Roommate Confessions” like these lovely people did straight to our Tumblr.
If Congress Got Stuff Done Like Roommates [Click for full thread]
Please reply all.
I used to teach self defense classes at a local church in my area. Someone else who works there are a fitness instructor who also attends church there asked if I wanted to split an apartment together. I was like of course that sounds like a great idea to me. I was under the assumption that since he spends so much time at church that he leads a somewhat moral filled life. Worst assumption of my life. First thing is first, I am a college student and I spend what precious moments of my life that i am not working or studying relaxing. His idea of relaxing is constantly throwing parties at our apartment without my permission or even so much as telling me. He smokes pot, drinks heavily, and eats everything in the fridge. I could somewhat deal with that part of living with him but after a month of living with him he started bringing his friends around. Every time they came over my things would go missing. Keep in mind these are people that he goes to church with. So I got an additional lock for my door to keep this from happening again. My breaking point was when I came home early from work one day to find he had kicked in my door and they were raiding my room for shit to sell for drugs. We were coming up on the end of our lease and I had found a new job so I decided to get him back. I tried to talk to the pastor at his church about it but he would not do anything about it. Whenever he had parties at our house I would take pictures of all of the horrible things he would do. Keg stands, bong rips, all of the things that you should not be doing as a church goer. I uploaded all of the pictures to Facebook and tagged him as well as various members of the church in the picture album. Not only was he fired but he was asked to leave the church. On top of that his father refused to pay anymore rent for him until he went through a Christian drug rehab as well as stopped paying his car payments. Moral of the story being, not even in a church will you find a good roommate.
Presenting our first “Roommate Confession” that was Tumblr submitted. If you have a sinful story then send it straight to our Tumblr.
My roommate is so messy it’s disgusting. Weird smells come out of her room…I can’t even describe it, its like BO and sweaty gym socks and god only knows. There are crumbs all over our kitchen constantly no matter how much I clean it. I had to put out ant traps cuz I’m sure we will get ants sooner or later. She is always dropping things into the little metal things under the coils of the stove and never cleans it out after! Hello?? That stuff is gonna just burn later….when I’m cooking…. She has never once cleaned a thing in our apartment…ever. But I repay her for that because after I clean the bathroom I dry off all the surfaces with her face towel and then hang it back on the hook so she will use it to dry her face the next morning. I also put a few drops of pickle juice in her half gone gallon of milk so she thought it spoiled and threw it out….and I’ve done this a few times…love seeing her waste money. On an unrelated note….she contributed next to nothing to our apartment. Well that’s gonna bite her in the ass when I tell her I’m not renewing our lease and then she will be stuck with an apartment with nothing in it except her bed, a couch, and a frying pan. Whoops, guess she just won’t have a roommate but will be stuck here for her job ….or she can go back home and live with her parents. HA! Oh yea, and bitch has GOT to learn to chew with her mouth closed. No one wants to see half-eaten food rolling around in your mouth. DISGUSTING! Not to mention this girl is perpetually single. She has a gross face with no chin (how weird is that?). Not sure if she has ever dated anyone but she is so socially awkward I wouldn’t be surprised if she is 24 and still a virgin. I wish I could say all this to her face, or just be a complete bitch to her…but we work together…so I am forced to be courteous and nice. Lesson learned here: don’t ever live with someone you only know from work…chances are they are going to be a horrible roommate. Worst. Decision. Ever. - Corie
If you have a story like Corie (that rhymes) then submit yours straight to our Tumblr (that doesn’t)
Roommate Confessions: You Break My Snowboard, I Break You [Click for all]
Dearest Nik – remember our fun winter rooming together in that posh 2br/2ba apt? Well, I knew you were stealing my hard-earned cash out of my stashbox, using my make-up (thanks for the pink eye!), and throwing parties was I was working overnights and letting people sleep in my bed while I was gone for weekends. I also know you were the one who ‘took’ my ‘missing’ bank envelope with my $400 dollars I was going to buy a new snowboard bindings with. Just to let you know – I’m the one who broke out your tail light that night you were shitty drunk at the bar and got pulled over for it and ended up in jail, when you called, sobbing for me to come post your bail so you wouldn’t lose your job, I did have the $1500 bond, I just really didn’t feel like driving across town. Remember the many, many times you’d shut the dryer off and leave all my work clothes sopping wet, so I would be late for work? Well, I started peeing in your detergent, spitting in your foundation and letting my guy friends take your underwear. I also know you borrowed my $900 snowboard; it came back gouged the hell out of the bottom and sides, causing it to de-laminate and be ruined. Luckily for you, I WORKED AT THE SKIRESORT YOU WENT TO DUMBASS and I saw you with it that day, letting your tool boyfriend grind rails with it. Ever wonder what happened to your iPod, which I convinced you got stolen from your purse on one of your drinking binges? I pawned it. You still owe me…hm, around $1200, by the way bitch; and get a fucking job instead of stealing my money!
If you think you can top this then submit your sins to our inbox and you could be featured in the next issue.
Hard proof that opposites do NOT attract.
You like to drink so much you piss all over the bathroom floor, huh? I wonder how long it will take you to realize the smell of piss on your bath towels. - Anonymous
So my roommate was the dirtiest, fattest slob on the planet. He would always go to the frat he was pledging and drink his weight in alcohol (well over 300 lbs). There were multiple times when he would come back to the room completely trashed and stoned and pass out. A few times some guys on my floor and I would draw on his face in sharpie. Too bad he was so greasy that he would wipe it off in the morning without the use of water or soap. To get him back for all the puke and piss on my carpet, I would steal his change from the desk. Thanks to his sloppiness I didnt pay a dime for laundry the entire semester. - Anonymous
Normally I like to hear music, I’m a fan. But that shitty god awful rap music that you blast on your speaker system in the wee hours of the morning just doesn’t bode well in this thin walled dorm. So, I took my Astroglide and poured it all over your doorknob and dumped some water bottles in your bed with chocolate protein mix in them. Diarrhea shit stains much? - Anonymous
Feel the need to confess your misdeeds? Lay it on us gently here or just send us a message on Tumblr.
Roommate Confessions: Special Cookies and the Taco Massacre [Click for more]
Remember the time I drove you and your stupid friends to White Castle because you were all drunk and complaining? Then remember how you didnt give me any of the 30 burgers that I bought, because you forgot your money? Well I slept with your girlfriend and she’s pregnant. -Anonymous
You would always wear shoes with no socks and only took a shower once a week. You always ate my food. Anytime you ate something you would leave the plate out to see what would grow on it. Remember that time you got sick from eating MY cereal? Well I saved a gallon of 3 week old milk and transfered it to a new container that said it hadn’t expired yet. Oh, and also had some guy friends jizz into it. Guess you put it on my cereal you ate… - Anonymous
Remember you can submit your own stories to us RIGHT IN TUMBLR!
Roommate Confessions: String Cheese and Hamburger Buns [Click for more]
Welcome back to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you’ve done to your roommate.
You fed me moldy hamburger buns. I fed you my pubes. -Anonymous
Hey Alan, you know how I gave you discounted rent for the month you crashed at my place, because we were sort of friends last year? And you know how I didn’t even mind when you consumed my food and beer without contributing anything to the household? And do you remember that time I asked for a ride down the street and you tried to charge me ten dollars for “gas money?” Oh and do you recall that time I fucked one of your friends on your futon and then came, on your futon? Well I did. - Anonymous
I ate the last string cheese. Sorry man. - Anonymous
If you think you can top these stories, confess your sins here.