If Congress Got Stuff Done Like Roommates [Click for full email]
Read 3 MORE Facebook Messages You’ll Get (and Send) [Click it or ticket]
Roommate Confessions: I Peed in Your Laundry Detergent [Click for full post]
I peed in your laundry detergent. - Anonymous
Remember when you used to borrow all my clothes without asking? I’d either find them crumpled up in your disgusting nest of a room or back in my closet and smelling like your pungent perfume. Oh and that time when I asked you about my favorite sweater that mysteriously went missing during spring break while you were here after we all left? Well I saw it in your bag you douche canoe, I know you have it. And for that, I have been stealing your adderall. Sorry the price went up and you cant afford it anymore and are sucking in school right now. But I cant afford to constantly restock my wardrobe you fucking bitch. And thanks for never cleaning, buying food, and watching terrible tv. Expect some rotten food under your bed. I hate you. - Anonymous
I replaced my roommates bar of soap with a block of cheese. He didn’t notice and the cheese smell was still better than how he usually smells - Anonymous
7 Ways To Instantly Tell If Your New Roommate’s A Giant Slob [Click to finish]
Can’t tell if he’s avoiding the dishes or if he really DOES prefer eating cereal out of a champagne flute with a mechanical pencil?
I really appreciated that you got me a birthday present- A pedegg. Now, not only do my feet look great, but I put the shavings into your Parmesan cheese. I know how much you love to dump that stuff on your pasta, you fat whore.
Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you’ve done to your roommate. Submit your vulgar, disgusting stories straight to our Tumblr inbox.
(Source: College Humor)
You were never really around a whole lot, but I always thought you were kind of a prick. I suppose I didn’t have any really reason to, but when you would be gone for a week at a time boning your high-school girlfriend, I would pee in the sink beside your bed 5 or 6 times a night. I once jerked off into it because I was too lazy to look for an old rag. I farted all over your bed, used your razor, stole all your porn, and constantly pocketed change from your desk drawers. And I don’t know how you got so “stoned” on all that fake weed I was selling you.
(Source: College Humor)
Roommate Confessions: Who Doesn’t Flick Their Boogers? [Click for full confession]
I always flick my boogers towards your side of the room.
- Conor B
You weren’t that bad in hindsight, but when I was pissed at you I’d let the gases build up then run to the bathroom, drop my pants and underwear, and rip ass into your little pink face towel. I’m actually surprised you never came down with pink eye.
- Katie K
soo remember when you went behind my back and was talking and having sex with my boyfriend at the time? well since you wanted to be a backstabber, everytime i went to the bathroom, instead of using toilet paper i would wipe with your face towel : )
If you like to shit on your roommate’s things then we want your stories*. Submit them straight to our dirty, filthy Tumblr inbox.
Doesn’t necessarily need to be about poop, but it sure helps.
Roommate Confessions: I’m Doing Your Mom [Click for more]
Darren, You know how I always buy you drinks when we party? It’s not just because I’m generous. It’s also because when school ended and your mom came out to help you move, I exchanged numbers with her. We’ve been fuck buddies ever since you and I stopped being roommates. In my defense, she’s a divorcee that looks like a supermodel, she’s fantastic in the sack and I have a thing for older women. I figure the least I owe you is a few drinks.
If you banged someone’s mom or dad then we want to hear about it. Submit your god damn mother and father fucking stories to us right on Tumblr. We accept all confessions.
(Source: College Humor)
I’m the one who changed all your contacts to “Dennis Quaid”.
I live on my own, and go home on weekends, so this is really all I have to confess. Hey mom, that wasn’t ice cream that made the keyboard stick.
One day while complaining to my best friend about my roommate I accidentally texted my roommate and not my friend. Oops! Fortunately she was asleep at the time and I thought oh I will just grab her phone and delete it. Well it was password protected. So in order to not face a crazy bitch fest I broke her phone. It look like it fell but I actually smashed it with a hammer. Listening to her complain about the phone she broke was better than starting a fight and I let a little frustration out in the process.
Dennis Quaid accepts all Roommate Confession submissions on Tumblr so send them on over.
He’s the hero that kitchen deserves, but not the one his roommates want right now.
Roommate Confessions: Your Dog Licked My Balls [Click for more]
Hey! You were always a great roomate but your dog was a piece of shit. It shed everywhere and chewed up my nintendo 64 and Xbox and you didn’t do a damn thing about it. Your dog also loves to lick things, especially your face. So to get you back I spread peanut butter all over my balls and let your dog lick it off. It felt good. You came home shortly after and your dog gave you a big wet kiss. I hope my balls taste good!
Well that was incredibly disturbing. If you have any non-peanut butter related confessions (Jelly will do) then submit them straight to our Tumblr. We read everything.
I stare at my roommate while she sleeps. I like to guess what she is dreaming about by the way she is breathing. In fact I’m watching her right now……shallow exhales. Narwhal mating.
Roommate Confessions: I Spit on My Family’s Food [Click for more]
Every time my family pisses me off, (since i make most of their food) i usually spit a giant loogie in it. And evil smile proceeds >:3
So I had a guy over in our room late one night after I had been drinking with some friends. The guy and I played truth or dare, and I dared him to put on a pair of your underwear. Well he totally did it then put the underwear back in your drawer, so you would have never suspected anything. Ha ha, bitch.
Spit it out already and tell us your ‘Roommate Confessions’ right here right now.