Roommate Confessions: Your Dog Licked My Balls [Click for more]

Hey! You were always a great roomate but your dog was a piece of shit. It shed everywhere and chewed up my nintendo 64 and Xbox and you didn’t do a damn thing about it. Your dog also loves to lick things, especially your face. So to get you back I spread peanut butter all over my balls and let your dog lick it off. It felt good. You came home shortly after and your dog gave you a big wet kiss. I hope my balls taste good!
- Anonymous 

Well that was incredibly disturbing. If you have any non-peanut butter related confessions (Jelly will do) then submit them straight to our Tumblr. We read everything.

I stare at my roommate while she sleeps. I like to guess what she is dreaming about by the way she is breathing. In fact I’m watching her right now……shallow exhales. Narwhal mating.

Roommate Confessions: I Spit on My Family’s Food [Click for more]

Every time my family pisses me off, (since i make most of their food) i usually spit a giant loogie in it. And evil smile proceeds >:3
- i-fuck-ligers

So I had a guy over in our room late one night after I had been drinking with some friends. The guy and I played truth or dare, and I dared him to put on a pair of your underwear. Well he totally did it then put the underwear back in your drawer, so you would have never suspected anything. Ha ha, bitch.
- Rachel

Spit it out already and tell us your ‘Roommate Confessions’ right here right now.

Roommate Confessions: Your Protein Shake Had a Special Ingredient [Click for full post]

Remember when i had all those protein shakes in my cabinet, and you were really drunk and wanted me to make you a protein shake. Well since i took care of your clumsiness all night, i took out my dog, and mixed his shit with the chocolate powder, and when you complained how bad it tasted i would just say thats how it tastes like sinces it has more protein. yeah what now
- Anonymous

Hey do you remember that time you blacked out and woke up the next morning thinking that you pissed and shit your bed? The reality is that I pissed and shit your bed then placed you upon it. Maybe you’ll think twice next time when you leave your drawers open and wear my sandals into the shower. BEOTCH.
- Anonymous

Confess your appalling behaviors to us right here on Tumblr.

Roommate Confessions: Sit on a Barbed Wire Dildo [Click for more]

He pissed me off to the point where I told him to sit on a barbwire dildo and changed every language on his PS3 to different languages. some korean, others spanish, and who knows what else.
- glassspire 

My housemate went overseas for 6 months and left me with a 50 year old Iranian man who would spend close to an hour in the toilet each night and cut his nose hairs before arranging them neatly on the tap. Anyway. The day before I finally moved out I poured milk on her mattress so she would never be able to quite get that smell out of her room without getting a new bed.
- themostboringblogever 

The first time I met my freshman college roommate, I was leaving the room after having unpacked my things while he was coming in to unpack his. The second time I met him was later that day when I unlocked the door to find him sitting on the bed with a blanket over his lap with his girlfriend standing next to the bed. His parents were nowhere to be found. Mine, fortunately, along with my younger brother and sister, walked in with me.
- mariothecellist 

I was so pissed at my previous roommate that I actually pissed in some of her perfume.
- celluloidchild 

Our first entirely Tumblr submitted Roommate Confessions post. If you’d like to be featured in our column then submit your stories straight to our Tumblr. We won’t judge you, but other people probably will. 

Roommate Confessions: Superglued Her Door Shut [Click for all]

Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you’ve done to your roommate. 

Your bed has gone through a lot while you were gone. I puked on it, farted on it, and dried my dishes on it. Is that not ok?
- nihil-ex-nihil0 

i hated my old housemates, they hated me. I had to move out so they wouldnt beat me up and i was homeless. I pissed on everybody tooth brush EVERY day and replaced facewash with piss. Sucked in dickheads!
- gotdatattitude 

My roommate had a really nice razor that she used for her upper lip. When she pissed me off I used to use it to shave my pubes.
- deannamarie1990 

You can submit your own “Roommate Confessions” like these lovely people did straight to our Tumblr. 

Roommate Confessions: I Farted On Your Face While You Slept [Click for all]

I farted on your face every chance I got while you were asleep. You would wake up with headaches.
- Anonymous 

Don’t know who you were but one day a friend and I decided to take out the three-man sling-shot and pelted the dorm building from across with 30 yogurts, then we threw the remainder 7 onto the roof of your Lexus until the entire top was covered in pink and purple goo. Later that night I could hear your screams of rage from the other side of the building.
- Anonymous 

If you’ve farted on anyone’s face lately then you should submit your roommate confessions to us right here on Tumblr. We promise we won’t judge you.

Roommate Confessions: You Break My Snowboard, I Break You [Click for all]

Dearest Nik – remember our fun winter rooming together in that posh 2br/2ba apt? Well, I knew you were stealing my hard-earned cash out of my stashbox, using my make-up (thanks for the pink eye!), and throwing parties was I was working overnights and letting people sleep in my bed while I was gone for weekends. I also know you were the one who ‘took’ my ‘missing’ bank envelope with my $400 dollars I was going to buy a new snowboard bindings with. Just to let you know – I’m the one who broke out your tail light that night you were shitty drunk at the bar and got pulled over for it and ended up in jail, when you called, sobbing for me to come post your bail so you wouldn’t lose your job, I did have the $1500 bond, I just really didn’t feel like driving across town. Remember the many, many times you’d shut the dryer off and leave all my work clothes sopping wet, so I would be late for work? Well, I started peeing in your detergent, spitting in your foundation and letting my guy friends take your underwear. I also know you borrowed my $900 snowboard; it came back gouged the hell out of the bottom and sides, causing it to de-laminate and be ruined. Luckily for you, I WORKED AT THE SKIRESORT YOU WENT TO DUMBASS and I saw you with it that day, letting your tool boyfriend grind rails with it. Ever wonder what happened to your iPod, which I convinced you got stolen from your purse on one of your drinking binges? I pawned it. You still owe me…hm, around $1200, by the way bitch; and get a fucking job instead of stealing my money!
- Anonymous 

If you think you can top this then submit your sins to our inbox and you could be featured in the next issue.

Roommate Confessions: Special Cookies and the Taco Massacre [Click for more]

Remember the time I drove you and your stupid friends to White Castle because you were all drunk and complaining? Then remember how you didnt give me any of the 30 burgers that I bought, because you forgot your money? Well I slept with your girlfriend and she’s pregnant. -Anonymous

You would always wear shoes with no socks and only took a shower once a week. You always ate my food. Anytime you ate something you would leave the plate out to see what would grow on it. Remember that time you got sick from eating MY cereal? Well I saved a gallon of 3 week old milk and transfered it to a new container that said it hadn’t expired yet. Oh, and also had some guy friends jizz into it. Guess you put it on my cereal you ate… - Anonymous

Remember you can submit your own stories to us RIGHT IN TUMBLR!

Roommate Confessions: String Cheese and Hamburger Buns [Click for more]

Welcome back to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you’ve done to your roommate.

You fed me moldy hamburger buns. I fed you my pubes. -Anonymous

Hey Alan, you know how I gave you discounted rent for the month you crashed at my place, because we were sort of friends last year? And you know how I didn’t even mind when you consumed my food and beer without contributing anything to the household? And do you remember that time I asked for a ride down the street and you tried to charge me ten dollars for “gas money?” Oh and do you recall that time I fucked one of your friends on your futon and then came, on your futon? Well I did. - Anonymous

I ate the last string cheese. Sorry man. - Anonymous

If you think you can top these stories, confess your sins here.