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Roommate Confessions: Pasta With A Side of Foot
I really appreciated that you got me a birthday present- A pedegg. Now, not only do my feet look great, but I put the shavings into your Parmesan cheese. I know how much you love to dump that stuff on your pasta, you fat whore.- K.G. 
Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you’ve done to your roommate. Submit your vulgar, disgusting stories straight to our Tumblr inbox.

Roommate Confessions: Pasta With A Side of Foot

I really appreciated that you got me a birthday present- A pedegg. Now, not only do my feet look great, but I put the shavings into your Parmesan cheese. I know how much you love to dump that stuff on your pasta, you fat whore.
- K.G. 

Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you’ve done to your roommate. Submit your vulgar, disgusting stories straight to our Tumblr inbox.

(Source: College Humor)

Roommate Confessions: That Wasn’t Real Weed
You were never really around a whole lot, but I always thought you were kind of a prick. I suppose I didn’t have any really reason to, but when you would be gone for a week at a time boning your high-school girlfriend, I would pee in the sink beside your bed 5 or 6 times a night. I once jerked off into it because I was too lazy to look for an old rag. I farted all over your bed, used your razor, stole all your porn, and constantly pocketed change from your desk drawers. And I don’t know how you got so “stoned” on all that fake weed I was selling you.- M.P. 
Are you high enough to send us your confessions? If yes, then submit them to our inbox. If not, I know a guy. Hit me up in the inbox.

Roommate Confessions: That Wasn’t Real Weed

You were never really around a whole lot, but I always thought you were kind of a prick. I suppose I didn’t have any really reason to, but when you would be gone for a week at a time boning your high-school girlfriend, I would pee in the sink beside your bed 5 or 6 times a night. I once jerked off into it because I was too lazy to look for an old rag. I farted all over your bed, used your razor, stole all your porn, and constantly pocketed change from your desk drawers. And I don’t know how you got so “stoned” on all that fake weed I was selling you.
- M.P. 

Are you high enough to send us your confessions? If yes, then submit them to our inbox. If not, I know a guy. Hit me up in the inbox.

(Source: College Humor)

Roommate Confessions

You’ve been walking to class all quarter cause your bike that you leave sitting around unlocked all the time was “stolen” (at a campus where the biggest crime is bike theft… surprised much?). You waited a week to ask us if we knew anything about it, and we all said we had no idea where your bike was. We lied. We moved it to the bike racks next door… like 20 feet away, and away, and visible from our bike racks. Maybe if you actually leave the house once in a while instead of sitting inside, ordering nasty takeout food every day, leaving plates of who knows what sitting on your bed for weeks at a time and hotboxing our room and drawing the girls sunbathing outside claiming its “totally normal from an art perspective” you’d notice it, you sick fuck. Oh, and shut up about how much you can’t wait to transfer cause you don’t have any friends here and no one gets you. I’m pretty sure a creep is a creep no matter what campus you go to.
- SC

If you want to draw a picture of anyone at CollegeHumor sunbathing then submit them to our inbox. Use your imagination. Also, submit your Roommate Confessions!

(Source: College Humor)

Roommate Confessions: Who Doesn’t Flick Their Boogers? [Click for full confession]
I always flick my boogers towards your side of the room.- Conor B 
You weren’t that bad in hindsight, but when I was pissed at you I’d let the gases build up then run to the bathroom, drop my pants and underwear, and rip ass into your little pink face towel. I’m actually surprised you never came down with pink eye.- Katie K 
soo remember when you went behind my back and was talking and having sex with my boyfriend at the time? well since you wanted to be a backstabber, everytime i went to the bathroom, instead of using toilet paper i would wipe with your face towel : )- KW 
If you like to shit on your roommate’s things then we want your stories*. Submit them straight to our dirty, filthy Tumblr inbox.
Doesn’t necessarily need to be about poop, but it sure helps.

Roommate Confessions: Who Doesn’t Flick Their Boogers? [Click for full confession]

I always flick my boogers towards your side of the room.
- Conor B 

You weren’t that bad in hindsight, but when I was pissed at you I’d let the gases build up then run to the bathroom, drop my pants and underwear, and rip ass into your little pink face towel. I’m actually surprised you never came down with pink eye.
- Katie K 

soo remember when you went behind my back and was talking and having sex with my boyfriend at the time? well since you wanted to be a backstabber, everytime i went to the bathroom, instead of using toilet paper i would wipe with your face towel : )
- KW 

If you like to shit on your roommate’s things then we want your stories*. Submit them straight to our dirty, filthy Tumblr inbox.

Doesn’t necessarily need to be about poop, but it sure helps.

Roommate Confessions: I’m Doing Your Mom [Click for more]
Darren, You know how I always buy you drinks when we party? It’s not just because I’m generous. It’s also because when school ended and your mom came out to help you move, I exchanged numbers with her. We’ve been fuck buddies ever since you and I stopped being roommates. In my defense, she’s a divorcee that looks like a supermodel, she’s fantastic in the sack and I have a thing for older women. I figure the least I owe you is a few drinks.- Anonymous
If you banged someone’s mom or dad then we want to hear about it. Submit your god damn mother and father fucking stories to us right on Tumblr. We accept all confessions.

Roommate Confessions: I’m Doing Your Mom [Click for more]

Darren, You know how I always buy you drinks when we party? It’s not just because I’m generous. It’s also because when school ended and your mom came out to help you move, I exchanged numbers with her. We’ve been fuck buddies ever since you and I stopped being roommates. In my defense, she’s a divorcee that looks like a supermodel, she’s fantastic in the sack and I have a thing for older women. I figure the least I owe you is a few drinks.
- Anonymous

If you banged someone’s mom or dad then we want to hear about it. Submit your god damn mother and father fucking stories to us right on Tumblr. We accept all confessions.

(Source: College Humor)

Roommate Confessions: Dennis Quaid Is Calling You
I’m the one who changed all your contacts to “Dennis Quaid”.- Anonymous 
I live on my own, and go home on weekends, so this is really all I have to confess. Hey mom, that wasn’t ice cream that made the keyboard stick.- Anonymous 
One day while complaining to my best friend about my roommate I accidentally texted my roommate and not my friend. Oops! Fortunately she was asleep at the time and I thought oh I will just grab her phone and delete it. Well it was password protected. So in order to not face a crazy bitch fest I broke her phone. It look like it fell but I actually smashed it with a hammer. Listening to her complain about the phone she broke was better than starting a fight and I let a little frustration out in the process.- Anonymous 
Dennis Quaid accepts all Roommate Confession submissions on Tumblr so send them on over. 

Roommate Confessions: Dennis Quaid Is Calling You

I’m the one who changed all your contacts to “Dennis Quaid”.
- Anonymous 

I live on my own, and go home on weekends, so this is really all I have to confess. Hey mom, that wasn’t ice cream that made the keyboard stick.
- Anonymous 

One day while complaining to my best friend about my roommate I accidentally texted my roommate and not my friend. Oops! Fortunately she was asleep at the time and I thought oh I will just grab her phone and delete it. Well it was password protected. So in order to not face a crazy bitch fest I broke her phone. It look like it fell but I actually smashed it with a hammer. Listening to her complain about the phone she broke was better than starting a fight and I let a little frustration out in the process.
- Anonymous 

Dennis Quaid accepts all Roommate Confession submissions on Tumblr so send them on over. 

Roommate Confessions: Your Dog Licked My Balls [Click for more]
Hey! You were always a great roomate but your dog was a piece of shit. It shed everywhere and chewed up my nintendo 64 and Xbox and you didn’t do a damn thing about it. Your dog also loves to lick things, especially your face. So to get you back I spread peanut butter all over my balls and let your dog lick it off. It felt good. You came home shortly after and your dog gave you a big wet kiss. I hope my balls taste good!- Anonymous 
Well that was incredibly disturbing. If you have any non-peanut butter related confessions (Jelly will do) then submit them straight to our Tumblr. We read everything.

Roommate Confessions: Your Dog Licked My Balls [Click for more]

Hey! You were always a great roomate but your dog was a piece of shit. It shed everywhere and chewed up my nintendo 64 and Xbox and you didn’t do a damn thing about it. Your dog also loves to lick things, especially your face. So to get you back I spread peanut butter all over my balls and let your dog lick it off. It felt good. You came home shortly after and your dog gave you a big wet kiss. I hope my balls taste good!
- Anonymous 

Well that was incredibly disturbing. If you have any non-peanut butter related confessions (Jelly will do) then submit them straight to our Tumblr. We read everything.

I stare at my roommate while she sleeps. I like to guess what she is dreaming about by the way she is breathing. In fact I’m watching her right now……shallow exhales. Narwhal mating.

image

Roommate Confessions: I Spit on My Family’s Food [Click for more]
Every time my family pisses me off, (since i make most of their food) i usually spit a giant loogie in it. And evil smile proceeds >:3- i-fuck-ligers
So I had a guy over in our room late one night after I had been drinking with some friends. The guy and I played truth or dare, and I dared him to put on a pair of your underwear. Well he totally did it then put the underwear back in your drawer, so you would have never suspected anything. Ha ha, bitch.- Rachel
Spit it out already and tell us your ‘Roommate Confessions’ right here right now.

Roommate Confessions: I Spit on My Family’s Food [Click for more]

Every time my family pisses me off, (since i make most of their food) i usually spit a giant loogie in it. And evil smile proceeds >:3
- i-fuck-ligers

So I had a guy over in our room late one night after I had been drinking with some friends. The guy and I played truth or dare, and I dared him to put on a pair of your underwear. Well he totally did it then put the underwear back in your drawer, so you would have never suspected anything. Ha ha, bitch.
- Rachel

Spit it out already and tell us your ‘Roommate Confessions’ right here right now.

Roommate Confessions: Your Protein Shake Had a Special Ingredient [Click for full post]
Remember when i had all those protein shakes in my cabinet, and you were really drunk and wanted me to make you a protein shake. Well since i took care of your clumsiness all night, i took out my dog, and mixed his shit with the chocolate powder, and when you complained how bad it tasted i would just say thats how it tastes like sinces it has more protein. yeah what now- Anonymous
Hey do you remember that time you blacked out and woke up the next morning thinking that you pissed and shit your bed? The reality is that I pissed and shit your bed then placed you upon it. Maybe you’ll think twice next time when you leave your drawers open and wear my sandals into the shower. BEOTCH.- Anonymous
Confess your appalling behaviors to us right here on Tumblr.

Roommate Confessions: Your Protein Shake Had a Special Ingredient [Click for full post]

Remember when i had all those protein shakes in my cabinet, and you were really drunk and wanted me to make you a protein shake. Well since i took care of your clumsiness all night, i took out my dog, and mixed his shit with the chocolate powder, and when you complained how bad it tasted i would just say thats how it tastes like sinces it has more protein. yeah what now
- Anonymous


Hey do you remember that time you blacked out and woke up the next morning thinking that you pissed and shit your bed? The reality is that I pissed and shit your bed then placed you upon it. Maybe you’ll think twice next time when you leave your drawers open and wear my sandals into the shower. BEOTCH.
- Anonymous

Confess your appalling behaviors to us right here on Tumblr.

Roommate Confessions: Sit on a Barbed Wire Dildo [Click for more]
He pissed me off to the point where I told him to sit on a barbwire dildo and changed every language on his PS3 to different languages. some korean, others spanish, and who knows what else.- glassspire 
My housemate went overseas for 6 months and left me with a 50 year old Iranian man who would spend close to an hour in the toilet each night and cut his nose hairs before arranging them neatly on the tap. Anyway. The day before I finally moved out I poured milk on her mattress so she would never be able to quite get that smell out of her room without getting a new bed.- themostboringblogever 
The first time I met my freshman college roommate, I was leaving the room after having unpacked my things while he was coming in to unpack his. The second time I met him was later that day when I unlocked the door to find him sitting on the bed with a blanket over his lap with his girlfriend standing next to the bed. His parents were nowhere to be found. Mine, fortunately, along with my younger brother and sister, walked in with me.- mariothecellist 
I was so pissed at my previous roommate that I actually pissed in some of her perfume.- celluloidchild 
Our first entirely Tumblr submitted Roommate Confessions post. If you’d like to be featured in our column then submit your stories straight to our Tumblr. We won’t judge you, but other people probably will. 

Roommate Confessions: Sit on a Barbed Wire Dildo [Click for more]

He pissed me off to the point where I told him to sit on a barbwire dildo and changed every language on his PS3 to different languages. some korean, others spanish, and who knows what else.
glassspire 

My housemate went overseas for 6 months and left me with a 50 year old Iranian man who would spend close to an hour in the toilet each night and cut his nose hairs before arranging them neatly on the tap. Anyway. The day before I finally moved out I poured milk on her mattress so she would never be able to quite get that smell out of her room without getting a new bed.
themostboringblogever 

The first time I met my freshman college roommate, I was leaving the room after having unpacked my things while he was coming in to unpack his. The second time I met him was later that day when I unlocked the door to find him sitting on the bed with a blanket over his lap with his girlfriend standing next to the bed. His parents were nowhere to be found. Mine, fortunately, along with my younger brother and sister, walked in with me.
mariothecellist 

I was so pissed at my previous roommate that I actually pissed in some of her perfume.
celluloidchild 

Our first entirely Tumblr submitted Roommate Confessions post. If you’d like to be featured in our column then submit your stories straight to our Tumblr. We won’t judge you, but other people probably will. 

Roommate Confessions: Superglued Her Door Shut [Click for all]
Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you’ve done to your roommate. 
Your bed has gone through a lot while you were gone. I puked on it, farted on it, and dried my dishes on it. Is that not ok?- nihil-ex-nihil0 
i hated my old housemates, they hated me. I had to move out so they wouldnt beat me up and i was homeless. I pissed on everybody tooth brush EVERY day and replaced facewash with piss. Sucked in dickheads!- gotdatattitude 
My roommate had a really nice razor that she used for her upper lip. When she pissed me off I used to use it to shave my pubes.- deannamarie1990 
You can submit your own “Roommate Confessions” like these lovely people did straight to our Tumblr. 

Roommate Confessions: Superglued Her Door Shut [Click for all]

Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you’ve done to your roommate. 

Your bed has gone through a lot while you were gone. I puked on it, farted on it, and dried my dishes on it. Is that not ok?
nihil-ex-nihil0 

i hated my old housemates, they hated me. I had to move out so they wouldnt beat me up and i was homeless. I pissed on everybody tooth brush EVERY day and replaced facewash with piss. Sucked in dickheads!
gotdatattitude 

My roommate had a really nice razor that she used for her upper lip. When she pissed me off I used to use it to shave my pubes.
deannamarie1990 

You can submit your own “Roommate Confessions” like these lovely people did straight to our Tumblr

Roommate Confessions: I Farted On Your Face While You Slept [Click for all]
I farted on your face every chance I got while you were asleep. You would wake up with headaches.- Anonymous 
Don’t know who you were but one day a friend and I decided to take out the three-man sling-shot and pelted the dorm building from across with 30 yogurts, then we threw the remainder 7 onto the roof of your Lexus until the entire top was covered in pink and purple goo. Later that night I could hear your screams of rage from the other side of the building.- Anonymous 
If you’ve farted on anyone’s face lately then you should submit your roommate confessions to us right here on Tumblr. We promise we won’t judge you.

Roommate Confessions: I Farted On Your Face While You Slept [Click for all]

I farted on your face every chance I got while you were asleep. You would wake up with headaches.
- Anonymous 

Don’t know who you were but one day a friend and I decided to take out the three-man sling-shot and pelted the dorm building from across with 30 yogurts, then we threw the remainder 7 onto the roof of your Lexus until the entire top was covered in pink and purple goo. Later that night I could hear your screams of rage from the other side of the building.
- Anonymous 

If you’ve farted on anyone’s face lately then you should submit your roommate confessions to us right here on Tumblr. We promise we won’t judge you.

Roommate Confessions: You Break My Snowboard, I Break You [Click for all]
Dearest Nik – remember our fun winter rooming together in that posh 2br/2ba apt? Well, I knew you were stealing my hard-earned cash out of my stashbox, using my make-up (thanks for the pink eye!), and throwing parties was I was working overnights and letting people sleep in my bed while I was gone for weekends. I also know you were the one who ‘took’ my ‘missing’ bank envelope with my $400 dollars I was going to buy a new snowboard bindings with. Just to let you know – I’m the one who broke out your tail light that night you were shitty drunk at the bar and got pulled over for it and ended up in jail, when you called, sobbing for me to come post your bail so you wouldn’t lose your job, I did have the $1500 bond, I just really didn’t feel like driving across town. Remember the many, many times you’d shut the dryer off and leave all my work clothes sopping wet, so I would be late for work? Well, I started peeing in your detergent, spitting in your foundation and letting my guy friends take your underwear. I also know you borrowed my $900 snowboard; it came back gouged the hell out of the bottom and sides, causing it to de-laminate and be ruined. Luckily for you, I WORKED AT THE SKIRESORT YOU WENT TO DUMBASS and I saw you with it that day, letting your tool boyfriend grind rails with it. Ever wonder what happened to your iPod, which I convinced you got stolen from your purse on one of your drinking binges? I pawned it. You still owe me…hm, around $1200, by the way bitch; and get a fucking job instead of stealing my money!- Anonymous 
If you think you can top this then submit your sins to our inbox and you could be featured in the next issue.

Roommate Confessions: You Break My Snowboard, I Break You [Click for all]

Dearest Nik – remember our fun winter rooming together in that posh 2br/2ba apt? Well, I knew you were stealing my hard-earned cash out of my stashbox, using my make-up (thanks for the pink eye!), and throwing parties was I was working overnights and letting people sleep in my bed while I was gone for weekends. I also know you were the one who ‘took’ my ‘missing’ bank envelope with my $400 dollars I was going to buy a new snowboard bindings with. Just to let you know – I’m the one who broke out your tail light that night you were shitty drunk at the bar and got pulled over for it and ended up in jail, when you called, sobbing for me to come post your bail so you wouldn’t lose your job, I did have the $1500 bond, I just really didn’t feel like driving across town. Remember the many, many times you’d shut the dryer off and leave all my work clothes sopping wet, so I would be late for work? Well, I started peeing in your detergent, spitting in your foundation and letting my guy friends take your underwear. I also know you borrowed my $900 snowboard; it came back gouged the hell out of the bottom and sides, causing it to de-laminate and be ruined. Luckily for you, I WORKED AT THE SKIRESORT YOU WENT TO DUMBASS and I saw you with it that day, letting your tool boyfriend grind rails with it. Ever wonder what happened to your iPod, which I convinced you got stolen from your purse on one of your drinking binges? I pawned it. You still owe me…hm, around $1200, by the way bitch; and get a fucking job instead of stealing my money!
- Anonymous 

If you think you can top this then submit your sins to our inbox and you could be featured in the next issue.

Roommate Confessions: Special Cookies and the Taco Massacre [Click for more]
Remember the time I drove you and your stupid friends to White Castle because you were all drunk and complaining? Then remember how you didnt give me any of the 30 burgers that I bought, because you forgot your money? Well I slept with your girlfriend and she’s pregnant. -Anonymous
You would always wear shoes with no socks and only took a shower once a week. You always ate my food. Anytime you ate something you would leave the plate out to see what would grow on it. Remember that time you got sick from eating MY cereal? Well I saved a gallon of 3 week old milk and transfered it to a new container that said it hadn’t expired yet. Oh, and also had some guy friends jizz into it. Guess you put it on my cereal you ate… - Anonymous
Remember you can submit your own stories to us RIGHT IN TUMBLR!

Roommate Confessions: Special Cookies and the Taco Massacre [Click for more]

Remember the time I drove you and your stupid friends to White Castle because you were all drunk and complaining? Then remember how you didnt give me any of the 30 burgers that I bought, because you forgot your money? Well I slept with your girlfriend and she’s pregnant. -Anonymous

You would always wear shoes with no socks and only took a shower once a week. You always ate my food. Anytime you ate something you would leave the plate out to see what would grow on it. Remember that time you got sick from eating MY cereal? Well I saved a gallon of 3 week old milk and transfered it to a new container that said it hadn’t expired yet. Oh, and also had some guy friends jizz into it. Guess you put it on my cereal you ate… - Anonymous

Remember you can submit your own stories to us RIGHT IN TUMBLR!