How To F*ck All Romantic [Click for full article]

What up, lovemeisters! Lovemaster D here (formerly Sexxmasta XXxX) to answer all your hot, throbbing questions about the ladies R. E. Colon HOW TO GET THEM.

Now a lot of you always ask me, “Yo, Sexxmasta, I really wanna fuck some classy bitches, but these bitches won’t let me fuck em – what’s these bitches fuckin’ problems?” BZZZT!WRONG! There’s your first problem right there – you think the problem’s with the bitches, when the problem is really with the biggest bitch of all — YOU. And it’s a problem with only one solution: You gotta learn how to FUCK ROMANTIC.

Today, I’m gonna teach you how to fuck all romantic, so can go out and do that and be like “Thanks Sexmasta!” and I’ll be like “You can thank me after you stop fuckin plus there’s two X’s in Sexxmasta but thanks man up top!” Continue

Awkward Romance Novel Excerpts [Click for full article]

“But, but I’m your step sister,” Juanita whispered.

“Oh, yeah, totally.” I said as my face went flush.

“Is this something you’ve been thinking about?”

Juanita pulled me closer. I felt her heaving breasts press against my chest while our things touched and stuff.

“What would people say?” she purred as she brushed the crumbs from my shirt.

They’d probably disapprove, I thought. Somehow, dinner would become even more uncomfortable. I don’t really tell my dad anything, so if he found out I wanted to boink his wife’s daughter, he’d probably want to have a “conversation” with me. I hate those things. Plus, like, it’s only a conversation if you let the other person get a word in. Not knowing how to respond, I wiggled free from her lustful lock and explained that I was joking around and that she’s weird.

She fled the front porch in tears.

I made my way up to the bathroom no one uses and popped open a bottle of “no cry” shampoo. [Keep Reading]

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And then he lived happily ever after, by himself.