Valentine’s Day Video Cards [Click to watch them all]

Send them to someone special (who you now take for granted).

Conan: Tips for Valentine’s Day on a Budget

Romance done all special-like.

(Source: youtube.com)

7 Surefire Ways To Get Your Lover Back [Click for more]

For instance: sing to her or play her a song, and be a romantic comedy character.

Polygamist’s Love Letter [Click to continue]

“Despite the loosening of sexual restrictions in recent decades, open relationships and cheating remain highly stigmatized. However, focusing on the problem of cheating distracts us from focusing on the problem of monogamy…When every cell in [one’s] body is craving sex with someone else, monogamy begins to feel like sexual incarceration.”
-Eric Anderson, Ph.D., via Huffington Post - Full Post

8 People Movies Made You Think You’d Meet [Click for full article]

You were too busy rereading your ex’s break up text again to see them coming, and spilled coffee all over their fancy work clothes they had dry cleaned SPECIFICALLY for the big meeting today.

Why they don’t exist: Random public encounters sound awesome, but what you’re forgetting is the sheer volume of awful weirdos roaming the streets at all times. The chances of happening upon a hip, together life partner on your way to work are as slim as that weird white-haired guy who hangs out in the subway entrance, points at you and screams the date of your death every morning. [Keep Reading]

The Dark Knight as a Romantic Comedy

Just your classic boy-meets-girl-and-fights-nihilist-psychopath story.

(Source: youtube.com)

Awkward Romance Novel Excerpts [Click for full article]

There was a knock at the door. As I fumbled with the handle, turning it the wrong way gently, then hard, then gently again, then the right way, I took a look through the peephole. Outside stood a lady with the most heaving breasts I had ever laid eye on.

“Hi, I just wanted to come by and introduce myself,” she proclaimed as I began to fiddle with the lock on the storm door.

“Oh, you must be Juanita, my new maid,” I said.

“New neighbor Juanita,” she replied, kicking a giant hole through the metal screen and my heart.

“I came over to tell you to close your damn blinds.”

We bid each other adieu—nay, adios—and I did just that. [Keep Reading]

Awkward Romance Novel Excerpts [Click for full article]

“Hello, I’m Nurse Juanita.”

I felt a stirring in loins. Even a mangled spine couldn’t keep me from bonering up.

“You’ve been hurt badly,” she cooed. “I didn’t know anyone could get that injured on a Razor scooter. How about I do something to take that pain away?”

I did all I could to open my eyes and catch a glimpse of what had to be heaving breasts, but they were swollen shut.

“Speaking of swollen,” I mumbled to myself incoherently. “I am going to jerk off so hard when I get out of this place.” 

A pillow covered my face. [Keep Reading]

Awkward Romance Novel Excerpts [Click for full article]

Princess Juanita said something, but I wasn’t quite sure what. I had been staring at her heaving breasts ever since she started talking about how her father, The King, would never approve of her being with a peasant farmer like me. I’m not like one of those perverted jerks or anything, I just really didn’t want to hear another reason why we shouldn’t be together. I mean, I know it’s not exactly an ideal pairing—at least for anyone who isn’t myself. A royal babe liking me is enough pressure. Enough about my head, how are my rocks going to come off?

“Sh!” I said as I placed my finger too far to the left of her lips to be smooth.

“Ugh, thy nail has scratched my cheek,” she screamed. “What ho? Did thy wish to cut the Heavens?”

I drank her in like the fine wine I had previously tasted on her lips as she walked from my shack back to the palace. As I waited for the King’s men to come for me and draw blood, I huddled behind my barrow and drew my final seed. [Keep Reading]

“All I Want For Christmas Is A Latina Girlfriend” Billboard

Specifically, one who respects AOL e-mail accounts.

(Source: reddit.com)

Awkward Romance Novel Excerpts [Click for full article]

“Whoa, Juanita got a new profile picture,” I thought aloud.

I got up to make sure my bedroom door was locked. Although ever so slight, the draft coming from the hall thrusted me back towards my computer and her heaving breasts.

“Maybe I should send her a message,” I wondered. “Nah, that would be creepy.”

Her sexiness could not be denied, no matter how strange that word made me feel. It was like the a minimum of 18-years-old product of, uh, a hot lady doing it with a hot man. I liked my post twice that night. [Keep Reading]

Awkward Romance Novel Excerpts [Click for full article]

“I’m into weird stuff,” Juanita said.

I nod, doing my best to conceal my confusion and the grease stain obtained during a pre-date pizza run. How I longed for the time when “Am I eating too much bread?” was the only question I was trying to avoid.

“Like, really weird stuff.”

“Cool,” I said before giving in and asking her what exactly she meant by “weird stuff.”

“Have you ever heard of S&M?” she breathed into my ear.

“Is that the sexy M&M?” I joked. Of course I had heard of that. It’s the… I knew what it is. I leaned in to tell her about the crush I had on the melt-in-your-mouth lady in green when I was a kid, but the diet Dr. Pepper was cascading off the table before I could get the words “Well, um” out of my mouth.

My eyes parted with her heaving breasts, but by the time I returned with toilet paper to clean up the spill she was gone. The diner was out of paper towels, and I was out of luck.

I returned to my apartment and AltaVista-ed my should-have-been lover’s word of the day to make sure I definitely knew what it was and, sure enough, I totally did. To celebrate, and get the image of the lady in that weird leather thing out of my head, I thought about an old friend and melted in my hand.

“I guess I am into weird stuff,” I thought before sending my dear Juanita a text saying just that. [Keep Reading]

The 5 Types of Romantic Comedy Movie Posters [Click to view all]

Two Guys, One Girl, No Cup.

The 5 Types of Romantic Comedy Movie Posters [Click to view all]

The PIck-Up: You either love ‘em or hate ‘em

Fifty Shades of Grey Listed Under Classics

Well, on the positive side, at least people will consider it a chore to read.

(Source: twitter.com)