I Wish This Neighborhood Stayed Exactly As Gentrified As It Was When I First Moved Here

Farewell, slightly gentrified, dirty-in-a-couple-parts neighborhood I fell in love with. Hello, sterile, impersonal, fully gentrified neighborhood of today.

I’ll never forget what a cool, character-having but still completely safe neighborhood this used to be back when I was growing up in the aughts (growing from age 24 to 28). There used to be three brunch places, one of which didn’t even have its own Yelp page (but us locals knew how to find it). Now there’s SEVEN good brunch places, and choosing between them is a big ordeal every week, and “Spoon” doesn’t even include a mimosa with their $12 brunch option, and stupid “Oeuf” ALWAYS has a big line even when I get there at, like, friggin’ 3:30. When did my neighborhood get overrun by these Yuppie wannabes INSTAGRAMMING their dumb food while I’m trying to focus on my review for my French Toast Tumblr? Keep Reading

The Brutally Honest Restaurant Tip Calculator [Click for more]

Can we split this article up 4 ways? We all forgot to bring cash.

My Apartment: A Restaurant Review [Click for full review]

Stale coffee. Rubber boots. Those were the scents that welcomed me as I stepped into My Apartment for dinner on a quiet Friday night. 

My Apartment truly embraces a “catch as catch can” approach to cuisine. On an off day, one may walk in to find a full refrigerator boasting fresh and recognizable foodstuffs from all of the major food groups. On most days, however, nobody has been to the grocery store in several weeks, and any produce in the fridge is a rotting impulse buy from the local farmer’s market. 

It’s days like these that you get the true My Apartment dining experience. And I was lucky enough to dine at My Apartment on such a barren day.

My amuse-bouche was a simple Polly-O String Cheese that I ate “like a bun-less hotdog,” and not string-by-string as string cheese is traditionally eaten. Continue

Very Mary-Kate: Dinner with Hoffman [Click to watch]

Yeah, Philip Seymour Hoffman seems cool with VMK having a boyfriend.

Every Fancy Restaurant Ever [Click for full post]

Hello, my name is Pretentious Waiter. I’ll be the person who tries to guilt you into tipping me more all night. It’s annoying that you’re here. Allow me to shove this extremely large menu in your wife’s face first and now in yours. You’ll notice that even though the menu is the size of a TV, the writing is too small to be read with the naked eye. It’s also written in cursive and many of the words are in French to make you feel stupid. Continue

Jake and Amir: Dinner Joke [Click to watch]

Also, usually Amir eats alone.

The Troll: Subway, Tips, and Punxsutawney Phil [Click for more]

Jake and Amir: Dinner Joke [Click to watch]

Geez, haven’t they ever heard of @USARice?

Garlic Allergy is Serious

Whatever, serious is a subjective term.

(Source: reddit.com)

Bennigan’s Wake [Click for full menu]

The struggling chain restaurant Bennigan’s is rebranding itself in honor of James Joyce’s whimsical stream-of-consciousness literary masterpiece Finnegans Wake. You know what? I think it’s gonna work. [Keep Reading]

Don’t Take Your Date to These Food Establishments [Click for full gallery]

First dates can be stressful. Don’t make it any worse for yourself by taking your friend to a place where they may or may not contract syphilis. I mean, seriously, you can’t do better than a 1 star search on Yelp? Get it together.

Canadian McDonald’s

I’m lovin’ oot.

(Source: reddit.com)

Beauty Queen Serves Angry Woman Pancakes

Listen, sweetheart, if I wanted to eat somewhere nice, I would have gone to Applebees. Now give me my goddamn pancakes. 

(Source: reddit.com)

“Baked on a Buttery, Flakey Crust”

Bet you thought it was easy until you saw her try it.

(Source: youtube.com)

Miso Honi

Get the Meeluv Yulong Tym special.

(Source: reddit.com)