REPLY ALL: Christmas, Hail Mary, Star Wars, Sexy Rap Videos [Click for full post]

Once a week, resident chill-Internet-girl Marina will have a glass of whiskey and then answer your questions about life, love, college, sex or anything else you’ve got on your mind. There will be GIFS.

I’m spending holidays at my bf’s parents’ house again and they do x-mas way more than my family does. How do I cope with all their merriment? – CM

DRINK. THE. KOOLAID. When you’re on your boo’s home turf, you’ve got to play by his family’s rules. Bring a holiday sweater, get familiar with the Jackson 5 Christmas album, and politely smile as his drunk grandma places a ratty Santa hat on your head. His family’s level of merriment may not be what you’re used to, but it’s better to play along then be the dickhead who sits pouting in the car at the Christmas tree lot because it’s too cold outside. And honestly, letting yourself get swept up in the excitement of a holiday is pretty fun. You may have a festive nutjob waiting deep inside you yet. [Keep Reading]

Need advice? You can tweet at @marinarachael, comment below, or ask on our tumblr. Check back Tuesday to see if your question was answered!

REPLY ALL: Christmas, Hail Mary, Star Wars, Sexy Rap Videos [Click for full post]

Once a week, resident chill-Internet-girl Marina will have a glass of whiskey and then answer your questions about life, love, college, sex or anything else you’ve got on your mind. There will be GIFS.

My problem is that I prefer watching star wars to talking to real people, and thus have no friends. This would be fine except that I’m lonely. – Alex, via Tumblr

You got this. Star Wars isn’t exactly an underground indie flick. There are millions of people who love that franchise and at least a couple hundred thousand like it better than they like other people. THOSE ARE YOUR PEOPLE. Find them, and talk to them about how other people suck. [Keep Reading]

Need advice? You can tweet at @marinarachael, comment below, or ask on our tumblr. Check back next Tuesday to see if your question was answered!

Need Advice?

A new edition of our advice column, Reply All, comes out tomorrow and Marina needs questions to answer! Got a problem? Reply below or hit our ask box! 

REPLY ALL: Friend-zone, Early Classes, and Slacking Off [Full Post]

Once a week, resident chill-Internet-girl Marina will have a glass of whiskey and then answer your questions about life, love, college, sex or anything else you’ve got on your mind. There will be GIFS.

Ok so there was this cute girl at my school. I noticed her and introduced myself and she gave me her number. Well, about 40 texts in she told me she had a boyfriend but would love to be friends. I said ok but now we have been texting and hanging out for around a month. We have a lot in common and now it has gone from thinking she is cute to a crush. She still has a boyfriend though. What should i do? – Anonymous, via Tumblr

You should think about how many floats you want in the parade celebrating your election to Mayor of friend zone. In my professional girl opinion, this babe is not planning on making out with you. Maybe she likes the attention or (more likely) she generally thinks you’re a cool dude, but either way she’s got a boyfriend and you’ve got to acknowledge that.

The Internet loves to make girls the villains in a friend zone situation, but you’ve got to accept some responsibility as well on this one. She told you that she had a boyfriend and you let yourself entertain the idea of her as a romantic option anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been there too. I have politely introduced myself to girlfriends and said “Hey, I’m Marina! Great to meet you!” when what I really meant was “Great to meet you! Here’s hoping your relationship falls apart so I can swoop in, console, and hit that!”

The truth is that you’re kind of just setting yourself up to have your heart clomped to pieces. If you want to keep hanging out with this girl without losing your mind, you’ve got to realize she’s off the table as a make out buddy. [Keep Reading]

Need advice? You can tweet at @marinarachael, comment below, or ask on our tumblr. Check back next Tuesday to see if your question was answered!

REPLY ALL: Concert Groping, Long-Distance Dating, and Pagan Gods [Full Post]

Dear Marina, I recently had to deal with telling a friend that I didn’t have the same feelings for her that she has for me. This is after she cut all of her hair off because I tweeted that I find short hair sexy on women. I swear to God. Also my ex drives past my house every few weeks. So how do I handle these situations? I want a girl’s perspective and you’re smart as shit. Hook a brother up? — AVB, via Tumblr

So your dick is too big for your pants and you’ve got paper cuts from swimming in your money vault? Come on, man. Even if you are the Dude McBaberson of your town, you can’t walk around being all.

Try to be respectful of these situations and consider that it absolutely sucks to put yourself out there and then have your crush shut you down. Because if it hasn’t happened to you yet, it will. [Keep Reading]

REPLY ALL: Concert Groping, Long-Distance Dating, and Pagan Gods [Full Post]

Every Tuesday resident chill-Internet-girl Marina will answer your questions about life, love, college, sex or anything else you’ve got on your mind. There will be GIFS.

I met a girl at a concert who was very pretty and she let me feel her boobies, but I didn’t get her number. Is it weird to hunt her down on Facebook? – Anonymous via Tumblr

Yes, that is weird. A girl who lets you feel her boobs at a concert is not the the market for a long-term, committed relationship with you. Cut your losses while you’re still the mysterious hottie she made out with and not the creeper who felt her up and then tracked her down. [Keep Reading]

REPLY ALL: Careers, Roommates, Monty Python, Remembering Names

Resident chill-Internet-girl Marina will answer your questions about life, love, college, sex or anything else you’ve got on your mind. There will be GIFS. [Full Post]

What do you do if you like a girl, but can’t remember her name? It’s been a few days now and I think she’s starting to get suspicious. – John G

I don’t think I’ve ever met someone and remembered their name on the first try. In the course of writing this sentence, I’ve already forgotten yours. Justin? Maybe Jimmy? Yeah, we’re going to call you Jimmy. Listen Jimmy, you came to the right broad with a shitty memory. Assuming you’ve already tried all the basic tactics, here are a few tricks that usually work for me.

1. Find a mutual friend who’s name you DO know and try to connect the Facebook stalking dots until you can put a name with a face.
2. Get a buddy and pull a tag-team name extraction. You introduce the girl to your friend Kevin (this also works with friends not named Kevin). Kevin shakes her hand and says “Hey, I’m Kevin.” There’s a 90% chance that she’ll respond by saying “Hey, I’m so-and-so” and then you’ll have her name.
3. Have a baby with her and then sue for custody. Her name should be on a lot of the legal docs.
4. Call her Caitlin. There are a lot of Caitlins. She’s probably one.

Hope that helps, Jimmy.

[Continue reading]

Need advice? You can tweet at @marinarachael, comment below, or ask on our Tumblr. Check back next Tuesday to see if your question was answered!

REPLY ALL / REPLY ALL: Careers, Roommates, Monty Python, Remembering Names

Every Tuesday resident chill-Internet-girl Marina will answer your questions about life, love, college, sex or anything else you’ve got on your mind. There will be GIFS. [Full Post]

My dad wants me to join the army/sherrif’s department but I want to finish college and get my law degree. Any thoughts? Also, y’all are awesome. – Robin

It’s pretty normal to have some disconnect between what your parents want for your future and your own ambitions. For example, I wanted to be a Disney channel star but my parents wanted me to be “college educated” and “not likely to drive a Porsche through a stranger’s living room while on a coke binge.” Your dad has spent eighteen years making the major decisions for your life, so it’s probably a little scary to give up control to a complete life-running rookie. But ultimately, it is your life. So if what you really want is to be a lawyer, do it. Work your ass off and openly weep during the LSATs and buy power suits. Also, leave me your number because I’m going to need a good lawyer if the Disney thing ever pans out.
  

How do you gently tell you roommate that she NEEDS TO FUCKING KEEP HER SHIT ON HER SIDE OF THE DAMN ROOM? – M.V.

I’d say you have two options:

1. A series of passive aggressive notes that spiral into aggressive aggressive notes and eventually land you a meeting with the RA to explain why you’ve covered the dorm room with “Fuck you and your fucking cereal bowl” post-its.

2. Talk to her. Unless she’s some psychological mastermind, she’s probably not trying to piss you off on purpose. She might not even be aware of how much she’s invading your space. Don’t try to scold her (no one likes feeling cornered), but let her know where your head is at. “Hey can you try to keep your things on your side a little more? Sorry, stuff like that really stresses me out.”

BOOM! Angry confrontation avoided! People skills achieved!

[Continue reading]

Need advice? You can tweet at @marinarachael, comment below, or ask on our Tumblr. Check back next Tuesday to see if your question was answered!

Reply All: Unfriendly Campus, Brotherly Competition, Negging

Once a week, resident chill-Internet-girl Marina will have a glass of whiskey and then answer your questions about life, love, college, sex or anything else you’ve got on your mind. There will be GIFS.

Do internet relationships work? – P.T, Des Moines

Internet relationships sound great in theory. You can spend 15 minutes perfectly crafting a casual-but-hilarious response to every message and defy the laws of physics with your biceps. Of course, the problem with all of this is that you’re essentially just dating a photoshopped version of someone. And everything thing that makes the relationship easy—like ability to have long, meaningful conversations with them while taking a shit—can warp you into the kid who treats his love life like a sexy game of Farmville (water relationship, wait three hours, receive boob pix). Want a pen pal? Go wild. Want a relationship? Keep it offline. Boobs look better IRL anyway.

If you’re approaching a two-set at the club and trying to F-close how long do you cold read before negging to demonstrate value? – Ryan

Oh. Oh, buddy. No.

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Need advice? You can tweet at @marinarachael, comment below, or ask on our tumblr. Check back next Tuesday to see if your question was answered!

Reply All 

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…and see more Amazing Super Powers here.

(Source: College Humor)