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18 New And Improved Ways To Say “Screwed The Pooch” [Click for full post]
I still have no idea where the unsettling expression “Screwed The Pooch” came from and don’t have the heart to Google it, but since it’s already here to stay, why not just go the extra mile and truly embrace it? Here’s 18 New, Improved Ways To Say “Screwed The Pooch” that I look forward to forcing into weird conversations in the near future.
Fingerbanged the Dolphin 
Dry-Humped the Camel 
Gave the Rhino a Reluctant Handjob 
Went Down On the Chinchilla 
Drunk-Sexted the Bee 
Eiffel-Towered the Hippo 
Masturbated While Thinking About the Ostrich 
Lied About Hooking Up With the Starfish 
Talked Dirty To the Zebra Then Got Self-Conscious About It Later 
Told the Turkey You Came Too So You Could Get To Sleep 
Booked a Hotel To Re-Kindle Your Romance With the Kodiak Bear 
Made Out With The Lion-Tailed Macaque But Immediately 
Got Worried It Would Ruin Your Friendship Got Too Drunk With the Platypus And Couldn’t Finish 
Talked All Night And Really Felt A Deep Connection With the Seahorse, Y’know? 
Tried Butt-Stuff With the Marmoset 
Discussed “Ultimate Fantasies” With the Rainbow Trout But Left It At “Maybe Someday” 
Got Caught Checking Out the Tortoise and Tried To Play It Off Like It Was Someone You Recognized 
Screwed the Pooch While Secretly Thinking About the Pooch’s Hot Friend 
Others? Leave ‘em in the comments.

18 New And Improved Ways To Say “Screwed The Pooch” [Click for full post]

I still have no idea where the unsettling expression “Screwed The Pooch” came from and don’t have the heart to Google it, but since it’s already here to stay, why not just go the extra mile and truly embrace it? Here’s 18 New, Improved Ways To Say “Screwed The Pooch” that I look forward to forcing into weird conversations in the near future.

Fingerbanged the Dolphin

Dry-Humped the Camel

Gave the Rhino a Reluctant Handjob

Went Down On the Chinchilla

Drunk-Sexted the Bee

Eiffel-Towered the Hippo

Masturbated While Thinking About the Ostrich

Lied About Hooking Up With the Starfish

Talked Dirty To the Zebra Then Got Self-Conscious About It Later

Told the Turkey You Came Too So You Could Get To Sleep

Booked a Hotel To Re-Kindle Your Romance With the Kodiak Bear

Made Out With The Lion-Tailed Macaque But Immediately

Got Worried It Would Ruin Your Friendship Got Too Drunk With the Platypus And Couldn’t Finish

Talked All Night And Really Felt A Deep Connection With the Seahorse, Y’know?

Tried Butt-Stuff With the Marmoset

Discussed “Ultimate Fantasies” With the Rainbow Trout But Left It At “Maybe Someday”

Got Caught Checking Out the Tortoise and Tried To Play It Off Like It Was Someone You Recognized

Screwed the Pooch While Secretly Thinking About the Pooch’s Hot Friend

Others? Leave ‘em in the comments.

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