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I work as a police officer in my hometown. One night, during a routine alcohol/drugs-roadcontrol, I was charged with the task of picking vehicles out of traffic and leading them into a parking lot where the drivers had to submit themselves to an alcohol -and drugtest. During the second half of my shift, I picked out a worn out van and signaled him that he had to approach me and drive into the parking lot. The vehicle (still approaching from a distance) starts slowing down and approaches me at an extremely low speed, until it stops 30 meters (I’m Belgian) before the parking lot. Once the van stopped, the horn immediately started working. I immediately approached the van and saw a dude sleeping with his head on the wheel. The girl sitting next to him was looking at the floor, nodding her head, with a serious facepalm. When I opened the door, a cloud of pot-smoke left the van. Apparently the dude was baked like a motherf* and fell asleep while slowing down… Work sucks but this kind of shit makes it all worth the while.

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Alternative title: Things you should never say to anyone ever.