Screencap - I don’t think that’s how the Ke$ha version goes.
The hard-on part doesn’t come till later.
Looper Has Sex With Himself [Click to watch]
“my fiance just asked me if she could call my junk mjolnir (Thor’s hammer), i mean did she really have to ask?”
Rough Love - Names
Construction Company Has Great Slogan
Building companies tend to be growers, after all.
(Source: reddit.com)
Old Man Wears Presumptuous Sweatshirt
Good to know, grandpa. Now it’s time to go back to the nursing home.
![The Most Common Write-In Candidates
Me - I believe my 3.6 GPA, Spanish club presidency, and overall friendly demeanor make me the ideal candidate to run the world’s largest economy and military. People say I’m like really easy to talk to. If elected president, school will run on an “as needs” basis, marijuana will be legal, and Thursday will become a government-funded “Free Sundae Day.”
Mickey Mouse - The area now known as Disneyland used to be a collection of low-income housing projects, ridden with unemployment, gang violence, and drugs. When Mickey came along to establish Disneyland, he created a truly modern city with a bustling tourist economy. Who says he can’t do the same to America? He has promised to fund a commission of highly efficient wizards to replace doctors, thus, eliminating the need for healthcare. Furthermore, he will save endangered species by turning Montana into an Animal Kingdom, and fight China’s growing economy with unicorns. Sure, he can be criticized for Disneyland’s growing obesity problem, but would you rather have an obese nation wearing festive hats or a healthy one without unicorns? Think about it.
President Josiah Bartlet (from The West Wing) - Bartlet promises to distract you from pressing issues with his epic speeches while said issues work themselves out by serendipitous acts of luck or coincidence. Also, he will defend himself against any critics with awesome zingers.
Penis - I think penises are funny. I want my president to be funny, like Reagan. If these two are true, then penis = president. What will the penis do in office? Draw more dicks all over stuff, making congressional hearings lot more fun. Also, congress = boobs.
[Continue reading]
(Image courtesy of CNN)](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md2wj8EpEZ1qasthro1_500.jpg)
The Most Common Write-In Candidates
Me - I believe my 3.6 GPA, Spanish club presidency, and overall friendly demeanor make me the ideal candidate to run the world’s largest economy and military. People say I’m like really easy to talk to. If elected president, school will run on an “as needs” basis, marijuana will be legal, and Thursday will become a government-funded “Free Sundae Day.”
Mickey Mouse - The area now known as Disneyland used to be a collection of low-income housing projects, ridden with unemployment, gang violence, and drugs. When Mickey came along to establish Disneyland, he created a truly modern city with a bustling tourist economy. Who says he can’t do the same to America? He has promised to fund a commission of highly efficient wizards to replace doctors, thus, eliminating the need for healthcare. Furthermore, he will save endangered species by turning Montana into an Animal Kingdom, and fight China’s growing economy with unicorns. Sure, he can be criticized for Disneyland’s growing obesity problem, but would you rather have an obese nation wearing festive hats or a healthy one without unicorns? Think about it.
President Josiah Bartlet (from The West Wing) - Bartlet promises to distract you from pressing issues with his epic speeches while said issues work themselves out by serendipitous acts of luck or coincidence. Also, he will defend himself against any critics with awesome zingers.
Penis - I think penises are funny. I want my president to be funny, like Reagan. If these two are true, then penis = president. What will the penis do in office? Draw more dicks all over stuff, making congressional hearings lot more fun. Also, congress = boobs.
[Continue reading]
(Image courtesy of CNN)
Conserving Energy, Sexually Speaking
If that happened to me, I’d probably just fuse.
(Source: reddit.com)
Self Check-Out Gets a Little Frisky
You can do it so long as you scan the condoms first.
(Source: reddit.com)
Skeleboner is Apparently a Costume
One size fits most. Wait, the costume or boner?
(Source: reddit.com)
