“My mom is afraid to shred her old ATM card, because it still has money “IN” it.”

“The other day my mom and I were eating dinner discussing her boyfriend’s old pool table. I said to her, “He doesn’t even touch it anymore”. To which she responded, “He used to touch it….alot.” We both laughed and she yelled, “SHE SAID THAT!!!!!!” She didn’t think it was funny when i corrected her that it is actually “thats what she said”….but hey, she tried.”

“My dad was wondering why no one was commenting or liking his facebook posts anymore, he was beginning to think no one liked him. later he realized that he had changed his settings so that I was the only person that could see his posts. He claims he was trying to send me a message.”

“My mom just finished her first semester of college and is starting her second one. Yesterday she said she was too tired to stay up and “double space her paper.” Apparently, until this point, when she finished writing a paper she would go through and literally press enter after every line.”