The BS from you guys keeps on coming! I thought I made it clear that I was only saying I could out-swim Ryan Lochte WITH PRACTICE, but I guess that wasn’t enough. Well fine, I accept your challenge, Mr. Lochte. I will race you, but on my terms:
-You are not allowed to wear goggles
-You must to eat a full Subway sandwich and chips and not wait 30 mins before getting in the water
-I can to use a snorkel if I want
-You can only do backstroke, while I can do backstroke, front stroke, breast stroke or get out and run alongside the pool
-Every 10 meters you have to turn around go back and touch the starting block
-I can call a time out anytime and chug a Red Bull
-I can shove you, but you can’t shove me
-If me shoving you messes with my swimming it counts as you shoving me and you forfeit the race
-I’m allowed to stretch as much as I want before, while your hands and feet will be bound for the entire race
-If the lifeguard has to pull me from the water that counts as me finishing the race
-If the lifeguard is cute and a girl I get to date her
-If she doesn’t want to be my girlfriend she’s an idiot
-And no longer cute
-I’m allowed to ride you like a dolphin
-Michael Phelps or an equally fast swimmer can go in my stead
-At any point I can swap you out with my niece who I know I can demolish because she can’t even swim that good
-If I pee in the pool you can’t make fun of me
-On the day of the race if I sleep in, forget or decide I plum don’t feel like doing it that counts as me winning because we’ll never know
-If the water is cold the whole thing is off
-After the race you have to sit down with me and eat a grilled cheese sandwich with me that I make for us
