Remember: You can do nothing if you really don’t set your mind to it!
It might seem a lofty goal, but it breaks down to less than 3 pounds a month, approximately the weight of 4 cheeseburgers. Once a week, eat a cheeseburger and visualize it sitting in your stomach, undigested, forever.
It’s New Years Resolution Time for the Lazy [Click for full list]
It’s time to make some resolutions. Like, don’t be as dumb as you were last year.
CollegeHumor’s New Year’s Resolutions for 2013 [Click for full list]
Nothing like NYE for bringing out the many faces of vodka. And vodka drinkers.
No need to beat yourself up over the fact that you’re a failure. Instead, here are some excuses you can tell yourself:
2. Quit Drinking: Think back to when you made this decision. It was when you were really shitfaced and had just done something stupid that made you regret drinking that sixth shot. Right? Okay. First of all, if you hadn’t taken that sixth shot, everyone would have called you a pussy. You had to! And consider this: you made that decision to quit drinking when your judgment was impaired. So if you had sex with your best friend’s girlfriend two minutes before, and we know that was a bad decision, what makes you think this sobriety thing was a good choice?
(Source: College Humor)
“My new year’s resolution is to stop breaking into song any chance that I SEE NO CHANGES, WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND I ASK MYSELF, IS LIFE WORTH LIVING OR SHOULD I BLAST MYSELF? I’M TIRED OF BEIN POOR AND EVEN WORSE I’M BLACK MY STOMACH HURTS SO I’M LOOKIN FOR A PURSE TO SNATCH!”
“I resolve to hate Dubstep, then listen to it just so I don’t feel so old and out of touch, then start to kind of like it, then start to love it, then make my life about the promotion of Dubstep music and culture just in time for a new kind of music to become popular and force me to begin the agonizing cycle all over again.”
RESOLUTION: “I want to lose weight and get fit!”
UPDATE: Well, I ordered a bunch of fitness books and home gym equipment off the web. Although it took a couple trips, I got them off the stoop and into the foyer. When we had a dinner party I carried them all down into the basement. Then rainwater leaked in and my wife had me move the boxes to the second floor. Now they’re in our daughter’s closet. I think. Also, I experimented with this thing where I stretched before going to bed and again first thing in the morning.
(Source: College Humor)