It’s like looking into a mirror.
In space, nobody can hear you cream.
Awkward Romance Novel Excerpts [Click for full article]
Princess Juanita said something, but I wasn’t quite sure what. I had been staring at her heaving breasts ever since she started talking about how her father, The King, would never approve of her being with a peasant farmer like me. I’m not like one of those perverted jerks or anything, I just really didn’t want to hear another reason why we shouldn’t be together. I mean, I know it’s not exactly an ideal pairing—at least for anyone who isn’t myself. A royal babe liking me is enough pressure. Enough about my head, how are my rocks going to come off?
“Sh!” I said as I placed my finger too far to the left of her lips to be smooth.
“Ugh, thy nail has scratched my cheek,” she screamed. “What ho? Did thy wish to cut the Heavens?”
I drank her in like the fine wine I had previously tasted on her lips as she walked from my shack back to the palace. As I waited for the King’s men to come for me and draw blood, I huddled behind my barrow and drew my final seed. [Keep Reading]
It’s a real clinic-ally depressing time.
“My 21 year old boyfriend apparently had no idea that you’re supposed to masturbate using your hands.. When I asked him how the hell did he pull one off otherwise, he gave me a strange look and answered “I just rub it against my pillow, doesn’t everyone do that?” The awkward part was having to then explain the concept to him, with him continuing to stare at me in disbelief…”