The Grade School Columnist’s Splendid Tips For Making Friends!

  1. Private jokes prove you’re better friends than everyone else. Meg and I went swimming with my Stepmom off the pier. There was an incredibly hot and gorgeous sixth grader there named Ted. I can’t even remember what he said. We ate cheese and crackers that day and now when we say “cheese and crackers” it is like saying “remember Ted and how we ate cheese and crackers” but cooler because no one else knows what it means and everyone wants to know what it means.
  2. Memorize the words to the rap “Parents Just Don’t Understand” without looking at the album cover. You must also know some Steve Miller songs. That way you won’t shout “CHUG-A-LUG!” when everyone else shouts “JUNGLE LOVE! It’s driving me mad, it’s making me crazy crazy”
  3. Now I am going to talk about penny loafers. Only put pennies in your penny loafers. They are not called nickel loafers. No doy.

Keep Reading

(Source: College Humor)