The best thing about cartoon prostitutes is that they only accept fake money.
There are two sides to every happily ever after.
Finish reading If Disney Villains Had Heartfelt Obituaries
1. Ariel Goes On A Bunch Of Failed Dates With ‘Finance’ Mermen
At the start of The Little Mermaid, 16-year-old Ariel (!!) is already jaded by her underwater surroundings and is desperate to roam the earth with the humans, and instantly falls in love with a Handsome Prince after seeing that he has a dog, a statue of himself, and isn’t a direct asshole in the 4 seconds she’s around him. But why is Ariel so immediately-infatuated with Eric and completely uninterested in her own species?
There’s an answer: The original cut of the film actually included a 15-minute “dating montage” where Ariel reluctantly goes on dates with a series of lame sea dudes, including a ‘Finance Merman’ who spends a the whole dinner explaining shell-trading, a seahorse from Flounder’s intramural softball team (who’s not bad just kinda non-talkative and boring), and a recently-divorced marlin who doesn’t get any of Ariel’s early-80s cultural references.
It’s really true, it’s better under the sea.
He’s every princess’s nightmare come true.
Uh, so, your dating profile said you were a LITTLE mermaid.
(Source: College Humor)