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CollegeHumor Staff Blog

Even though these things appear on the college packing lists your mother keeps emailing, you don’t need them.

The 7 Things You Really Don’t Need to Bring to College [Click to finish]

"Uh oh, looks like this person I’ve never met is having a complete psychological breakdown. Isn’t that hilarious? Look, she’s in ENTERTAINMENT; if she didn’t want to live in a giant digital panopticon her entire life, maybe she shouldn’t like performing for people who love her. She deserves whatever horrible jokes people make about her because she’s just desperate for attention. Besides, this joke is going to get me, like fifty new Twitter followers. I know it.
FULL ARTICLE: 6 Things Less Annoying than the Jokes Made About Them

"Uh oh, looks like this person I’ve never met is having a complete psychological breakdown. Isn’t that hilarious? Look, she’s in ENTERTAINMENT; if she didn’t want to live in a giant digital panopticon her entire life, maybe she shouldn’t like performing for people who love her. She deserves whatever horrible jokes people make about her because she’s just desperate for attention. Besides, this joke is going to get me, like fifty new Twitter followers. I know it.

FULL ARTICLE: 6 Things Less Annoying than the Jokes Made About Them

(Source: College Humor)

5 Tips For Writing The Perfect Facebook Invite [Click for last 2 tips]

There you have it! The perfect Facebook invite that definitely won’t make anyone go “Huh?” 

The 7 Dumbest Scenes in Otherwise Great Movies
The Return of the King is an awesome movie. But, if you watch it again, you’ll notice that there are roughly seven different times where the movie could have comfortably ended, and then another ending scene is tacked on. You can argue the value of most of these unnecessary scenes, but not the part when Frodo wakes up in the enormous bed and then everyone comes in to excitedly greet him and have lots of weird slow laughter and creepy soft light that makes everybody look like cherub figurines. It’s embarrassing to watch.
 LOTR The Return of the King - The Fellowship Reunited

See what the 6 other movies are. 

The 7 Dumbest Scenes in Otherwise Great Movies

The Return of the King is an awesome movie. But, if you watch it again, you’ll notice that there are roughly seven different times where the movie could have comfortably ended, and then another ending scene is tacked on. You can argue the value of most of these unnecessary scenes, but not the part when Frodo wakes up in the enormous bed and then everyone comes in to excitedly greet him and have lots of weird slow laughter and creepy soft light that makes everybody look like cherub figurines. It’s embarrassing to watch.

 LOTR The Return of the King - The Fellowship Reunited

See what the 6 other movies are. 

(Source: College Humor)

The Handy Guide to Gettin’ Handies
Deploy any one of these techniques and your penis will be wrapped in the warm embrace of a lover’s grip faster than you can say “hand jobs actually aren’t that great.”
1. Ask for a blow job. This is the classic negotiation technique of asking for more than what you want, or “anchoring”. 
2. Promise to get her off afterwards. This is a classic negotiation technique called “lying.” 
3. You know how dogs will sometimes cutely nudge their noses underneath their owner’s hand so that before the owner knows it, they’re actively petting the dog? That, but with your dick. Keep reading

The Handy Guide to Gettin’ Handies

Deploy any one of these techniques and your penis will be wrapped in the warm embrace of a lover’s grip faster than you can say “hand jobs actually aren’t that great.”

1. Ask for a blow job. This is the classic negotiation technique of asking for more than what you want, or “anchoring”.

2. Promise to get her off afterwards. This is a classic negotiation technique called “lying.”

3. You know how dogs will sometimes cutely nudge their noses underneath their owner’s hand so that before the owner knows it, they’re actively petting the dog? That, but with your dick. Keep reading

(Source: College Humor)

The 7 Worst Conversations We’ve All Had [Click for more]

Them: Crazy weather we’re having, huh?

You: No.

20 Things That Definitely Need to Happen

"Be the change you want to see in the world." - Gandhi/whoever invented these glorious things.

10 Ways to Make Cats EVEN Better Than They Already Are

See more meow!

Whoa! Can You Believe these Wacky Laws are Real? [Click to finish this kooky list]

It gets even kookier. 

7 Words the Internet Should Stop Saying Right Now 

There are probably a lot of people on the Internet who are going to say I’m butthurt for writing this article, but those people are unoriginal, mentally worthless wastes of life-sustaining resources.

10 Songs You Won’t BELIEVE Are About Masturbation [Click for full playlist]
Inside the secret filthy minds of The Beatles, The Eagles, and every classical composer ever! 

10 Songs You Won’t BELIEVE Are About Masturbation [Click for full playlist]

Inside the secret filthy minds of The Beatles, The Eagles, and every classical composer ever! 

10 Goodest Ways Public Schools Failed Me
10. The koolest teachaz neva sucked mah dick. Only lamez :-/ 8. The diffrence b/w thur and thurr is crazy 2 me. 7. Bully’s dunk me in toylit alot.. 6. Every1 hav da same Stewie pj pant. 5. Every1 hav da same Cartmen pj pant. 4. No1 cum 2 bball gamez or hav spiriit n clap. 3. Waist taex $$$. 2. Kollegez say not yes @ mah apply :-””[ 1. No preying in class.

10 Goodest Ways Public Schools Failed Me

10. The koolest teachaz neva sucked mah dick. Only lamez :-/ 

8. The diffrence b/w thur and thurr is crazy 2 me. 

7. Bully’s dunk me in toylit alot.. 

6. Every1 hav da same Stewie pj pant. 

5. Every1 hav da same Cartmen pj pant. 

4. No1 cum 2 bball gamez or hav spiriit n clap. 

3. Waist taex $$$. 

2. Kollegez say not yes @ mah apply :-””[ 

1. No preying in class.

The 9 Health Tips We Actually Want To Hear [Click for 5 more awesome tips]

"It’s not a lie if YOU believe it." Peter Pan or George Constanza

5 Reasons To Quit Drinking Alcohol[Click for the last 2]

Take the pitbull by the horns and get your life together.

9 Proofreading Marks for Correcting People on the Internet [Click to see the last 3]

If there’s one thing people on the Internet love, it’s correcting each other. Correcting other people makes you feel smart while simultaneously making other people look stupid. And don’t think you can only correct people’s grammar; if you try hard enough you can correct just about anything, including fonts, opinions, and objectively true facts.

These new editorial marks let you correct people faster and more efficiently than ever before.