Finish reading —> The 5 Starbucks Habits That Should Be Punishable By Death
21 Signs You Spend Too Much Time on Your Phone
1. Your first thought upon seeing your new baby cousin for the very first time is “Valencia filter, no border.”
2. You plan your day around known charger locations.
3. You occasionally feel your thigh vibrate out of nowhere, so you’re pretty sure you know what phantom limb syndrome feels like.
4. You have tried to swipe open a book.
5. You judge people by the pattern on their iPhone case.
6. When your phone is dead, and someone asks you what the weather is like, your first instinct is to say “I don’t know” — rather than look outside or simply open the front door.
7. When you close your eyes, you see Candy Crush combos.
8. This year you have spent more time arbitrarily scrolling through your Camera Roll than you have reading a newspaper.
9. When you wake up in the morning, you check your Facebook notifications before you take a sip of water.
10. Books make you twitch with anxiety.
11. You have at least once made the conscious and reasoned decision that a trip to the bathroom without your phone is probably not worth it.
Finish reading 21 Signs You Spend Too Much Time on Your Phone
In our humble bropinion, the items on this list are for DUDES ONLY.
Finish reading 7 Things Only GUYS Will Get
WARNING: You are now entering the GUYZONE, where BROS go to chat about GUY STUFF that only DUDES XPERIENCE. U Ladies just STR8 UP WON’T UNDERSTAND! Which is why from this point on it’s strictly NO CHICKS ALLOWED!!!!!
So without further adude, here are the 7 Things that Only GUYS WILL GET.
No, that person in front of you isn’t just driving with their headlights on in the middle of the day; those are their brake lights, and you better get damn used to seeing them. As you crawl downhill at 20mph, you’ll wonder what it is that makes this person want to go so slowly. Are they deathly afraid of the speed limit? Did they get their gas pedal permanently confused with their brake pedal? Are they in some type of boring, reverse-Speed scenario, where they can’t exceed 30 mph without exploding? Maybe they’re just incredibly chill, and are trying to cruise as leisurely as possible, unlike this next driver…
Finish reading The 7 Most Annoying Drivers on the Road
1) Pause your tv before the moment you want to record.
2) Stand WAY too close to your tv. Like, RIGHT there.
3) Turn the volume way down.
4) Take out your phone and hold it at a 28 degree angle to the tv instead of just straight.
5) Adjust the focus until everything’s too bright to see.
6) Run a vacuum cleaner.
7) Hit “Record” on your phone a full 8-10 seconds before you start the actual clip.
8) Vigorously shake your phone throughout the clip. This will make the clip cool.
9) Laugh loudly throughout the clip into your phone.
10) Stop the clip at a random, jarring time before it’s finished.
11) Upload to Youtube and title it something unfindable.
12) Congrats! You are now literally Martin Scorsese.
If you did everything correctly, your clip SHOULD look like this.
1. The URL Is Actually will.i.am - As if to reinforce that will.i.am is first and foremost dedicated to the ideal that clever marketing tactics should always take precedent over any discernible substance.
The 8 Most Insane Things About will.i.am (The Website) [Finish me off]
1. Beer is about 95% water. Why be a pussy, just drink the full 100%
2. Your body is about 60% water. So when you drink water, it’s like drinking yourself. That’s cannibalism. Cannibalism is way more hardcore than drinking beer. If you really want to be cool drink water.
3. It’s cheaper.
4. If you spend your life believing that water is as good as beer, than you’d be living in a world where beer rains from the sky. That’s a really cool world.
5. Drowning, Contamination, Hyponatremia. Water causes a lot more deaths than beer, and is far more awesome and dangerous. If you die drinking beer - you’re a nerd.
6. Waters have sharks in them!
7. They talk about how water got made in the bible - the most famous book ever. That’s way cooler than that lame Guinness factory tour.
8. Women at work would be more impressed by seeing you replacing a heavy water jug, than seeing you hiccup, drunk, at your desk.
9. People have sex in water. People on Game of Thrones have sex in water!
10. Water is so tough, it breaks out of pregnant women’s uteri. 5 MORE reasons.
A comprehensive guide to 10 stock movie moments that are always a WAY bigger deal in movies than they ever are in real life.