“It’s normal that I make out the same way I try to get the extra frosting out of a Dunkaroo pack, right guys?”

“One Friday night I was at a street dance with my crush and needless to say I was a little drunk. I was talking with her waiting for some friends to show up and out of nowhere I grabbed her, pulled her close, kissed her passionately in the middle of a crowd, and then winked and walked away. She said it was the smoothest most romantic thing anyones ever done to her. Best part about it? I didn’t even know I did it until she told me the next day. Ive got more swag blacked out than i do sober.”

“Today, my boyfriend came by my dorm room. Without knocking, he thrust open my unlocked door and slammed it behind him. Then he came right over to me where I lay on my bed and began kissing me (among other things). He had me seduced when suddenly he froze. Sat up. Grabbed his ass….and ran to the bathroom exclaiming, “EMERGENCY!” It’s nice to know my kisses give him diarrhea.”