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8 Gross Infomercial Products Someone Actually Spent Time Inventing

The Comfort Wipe - ”Being a big guy has it’s advantages. And it’s disadvantages.” This commercial is gross for the obvious reason — it wants to sell you a product that lets you wipe you asshole if you can’t reach (or don’t feel like reaching). But, in case you didn’t get the picture, it also forces you to listen to a random dude tell you about the bowel movements he can’t reach because he’s too “big” or “they” are too big, or something else I don’t want to hear about, ever, thanks. 

Had a bad idea? Probably not as bad as the rest of these

(Source: youtube.com)

8 Beer Innovations We’d Actually Use

Over the years, Beer companies have attempted to improve your drinking experience with several half-assed “improvements” to their cans and bottles; and while wide-mouthed cans and cold-activated logos are nice, they don’t exactly scream “CONSUME ME AND ONLY ME FOR THEREST OF YOUR PATHETIC LIFE.” As such, I propose these actual alcoholic innovations to make drinking beer even more fun than it already was.

8 Gross Infomercial Products Someone Actually Spent Time Inventing

The Uroclub - Someone actually thought this product was a good idea? How many people need to pee in the golf course bushes that this product is relevant? Is this a club that you PLAY with, despite it being filled with piss? The questions are infinite. And even though they provide a towel so you appear to be innocuously cleaning your club instead of PEEING IN PUBLIC or possibly SOMETHING ELSE, it’s not like it’s the most inconspicuous thing ever created. This product reeks of, well, piss, and a poor sense of… everything. There’s 7 more equally if not more disgusting inventions you need to see.  

(Source: youtube.com)

The Invention Of Dancing [Click for full history]

Man’s greatest feat will get you off your feet. 

Top 10 Coolest Movie Inventions 

Disagree with these opinions? Ok! Vote on what you think is the best movie invention here.

Every Infomercial Ever Summed Up

Why does everything have to be so hard? 

8 Genetically Modified Foods I Wish Existed [Click to watch]
In Rosie's world, you could have had a little watermelon with lunch today.

8 Genetically Modified Foods I Wish Existed [Click to watch]

In Rosie's world, you could have had a little watermelon with lunch today.

18 Things That Actually Exist

See? Being alive in 2013 IS cool.

(Source: youtube.com)

The Most Important Pizza Invention Ever
So much more convenient than eating a slice of pizza with your hands like a normal human being.

The Most Important Pizza Invention Ever

So much more convenient than eating a slice of pizza with your hands like a normal human being.

(Source: thebrewery.info)

TLDNR: 3 More Inventions to Change the World [Full Post]
Fathand Salsa Jar (courtesy of Mike Trapp)

What’s the worst part of eating salsa? Sharing it. But there’s nothing we can do about that, so we have to address the second worst part of eating salsa: Salsa Wrist. This problem affects 100% of salsa eaters and is a result of lazy jar design and your inability put salsa in a bowl instead of scooping it out of the jar. When the salsa level in the jar gets so low that you’re forced to plunge your hand ever deeper into it, your wrist will inevitably make contact with the walls of the jar. It’s like trying to get the funny bone out of the guy in Operation: impossible not to make contact with anything but every ounce of your concentration. This has resulted in billions of salsa-stained shirt cuffs or, worse, wrist skin cells freely mingling with what’s left of that spicy black bean and roasted corn salsa rojo. Enter the Fathand Salsa Jar! Using patented “flower pot” technology, the Fathand Salsa Jar is wider at the top than it is on the bottom. Not only will this create a larger dippable surface area but it will eliminate the scourge of Salsa Wrist. [Keep Reading]

By the way, if you have a fun invention you don’t mind giving out to the world, email it to me at Streeter.Seidell@CollegeHumor.com and I’ll include it (with credit, of course) the next time I post one of these.

TLDNR: 3 More Inventions to Change the World [Full Post]

Fathand Salsa Jar (courtesy of Mike Trapp)

What’s the worst part of eating salsa? Sharing it. But there’s nothing we can do about that, so we have to address the second worst part of eating salsa: Salsa Wrist. This problem affects 100% of salsa eaters and is a result of lazy jar design and your inability put salsa in a bowl instead of scooping it out of the jar. When the salsa level in the jar gets so low that you’re forced to plunge your hand ever deeper into it, your wrist will inevitably make contact with the walls of the jar. It’s like trying to get the funny bone out of the guy in Operation: impossible not to make contact with anything but every ounce of your concentration. This has resulted in billions of salsa-stained shirt cuffs or, worse, wrist skin cells freely mingling with what’s left of that spicy black bean and roasted corn salsa rojo. Enter the Fathand Salsa Jar! Using patented “flower pot” technology, the Fathand Salsa Jar is wider at the top than it is on the bottom. Not only will this create a larger dippable surface area but it will eliminate the scourge of Salsa Wrist. [Keep Reading]

By the way, if you have a fun invention you don’t mind giving out to the world, email it to me at Streeter.Seidell@CollegeHumor.com and I’ll include it (with credit, of course) the next time I post one of these.

Hexaflexamexican Food

Most of it goes over my head, but luckily, all of it went into my mouth.

(Source: youtube.com)

TLDNR: 3 Incredible Inventions to Change the World [Click for full post]
In fourth grade my school participated in something called The Invention Convention. The idea was that every elementary school student in the country would dream up an idea, create a working model, and be ranked by an elite group of third, fourth, and fifth grade teachers who were stupid enough to volunteer to judge the competition. My invention was for a new type of mailbox that had a tray attached to the door. When you opened the door the tray would slide out with your mail on it, making it easier to grab. I got the idea after watching my dad struggle to reach into our mailbox from the car which, while funny, seemed like a setup that could be improved upon. One time he was struggling to reach so much that he farted, which was another reason my invention would be useful, as I, riding shotgun that day, was in the direct line of fire.
My father had also participated in an Invention Convention when he was a kid, but only came up with a device called the Egg Crusher, which was a hammer, secured to a piece of wood, that would drop and smash an egg. He did not place well for the fairly obvious reason that crushing an egg, should you ever need to do that, is easy enough without a hammer-wood contraption. I was determined to reclaim my family’s good name with my sliding tray mailbox idea.
As I scanned the convention hall (gym), I was fairly confident. Most kids had egg crusher-level inventions on display: hastily made devices that served no real world purpose. Mine, on the other hand, was an improvement on a device everyone in my town used daily. When it came time for the awards I was defeated by the single stupidest one in the room: An automatic bed maker. The perfect invention for a stupid kid whose worldview consisted only of their own home. The winner, who shall remain nameless except that her name was Molly Bradley, proudly accepted the award for her foolish, impractical invention while I was left with nothing but a working prototype of a revolutionary device.
By the way, sliding tray mailboxes hit the market about two years later, leading me to believe that the Invention Convention is just a ploy to steal little kids’ ideas and create them before they’re smart enough to see they’ve been robbed. I still constantly think of inventions but now, many years older, I’m not naive enough to think I can personally benefit from my thoughts. As with the rigged Invention Convention, some huge corporation will just copy my idea and I will be stuck draining my savings trying to sue them. So now I invent for invention’s sake, or because I just want these products and ideas to exist. So go ahead and steal them. I’ll ask that you cut me in on the profits but you, like the thieves who stole my mailbox ideas, will probably just play dumb.
The Rolling Suitcase Seat
I travel a lot for shows and work which means I spend a lot of time standing around, miserable, draped in heavy luggage. Should I be lucky enough to score a seat somewhere, society dictates that I, as a healthy 20-something male, must give it up to literally anyone else. I don’t want to be rude so I’m almost always stuck standing in terminals, in trains, in waiting rooms, anywhere, which is annoying because I generally don’t like supporting my own weight. But what if I always had my own chair? What if my rolling suitcase could be turned into a little personal seat that I wouldn’t have to give up to anyone? Dream no longer!



All the elements are there: the top of the bag is the seat and the retractable handle is the back board. You don’t want your chair sliding all over the place so there is a kickstand-like device that will deploy a small set of legs, similar to how you park a moped. Finally! A way to not have to give old ladies a seat! [Continue reading]

TLDNR: 3 Incredible Inventions to Change the World [Click for full post]

In fourth grade my school participated in something called The Invention Convention. The idea was that every elementary school student in the country would dream up an idea, create a working model, and be ranked by an elite group of third, fourth, and fifth grade teachers who were stupid enough to volunteer to judge the competition. My invention was for a new type of mailbox that had a tray attached to the door. When you opened the door the tray would slide out with your mail on it, making it easier to grab. I got the idea after watching my dad struggle to reach into our mailbox from the car which, while funny, seemed like a setup that could be improved upon. One time he was struggling to reach so much that he farted, which was another reason my invention would be useful, as I, riding shotgun that day, was in the direct line of fire.

My father had also participated in an Invention Convention when he was a kid, but only came up with a device called the Egg Crusher, which was a hammer, secured to a piece of wood, that would drop and smash an egg. He did not place well for the fairly obvious reason that crushing an egg, should you ever need to do that, is easy enough without a hammer-wood contraption. I was determined to reclaim my family’s good name with my sliding tray mailbox idea.

As I scanned the convention hall (gym), I was fairly confident. Most kids had egg crusher-level inventions on display: hastily made devices that served no real world purpose. Mine, on the other hand, was an improvement on a device everyone in my town used daily. When it came time for the awards I was defeated by the single stupidest one in the room: An automatic bed maker. The perfect invention for a stupid kid whose worldview consisted only of their own home. The winner, who shall remain nameless except that her name was Molly Bradley, proudly accepted the award for her foolish, impractical invention while I was left with nothing but a working prototype of a revolutionary device.

By the way, sliding tray mailboxes hit the market about two years later, leading me to believe that the Invention Convention is just a ploy to steal little kids’ ideas and create them before they’re smart enough to see they’ve been robbed. I still constantly think of inventions but now, many years older, I’m not naive enough to think I can personally benefit from my thoughts. As with the rigged Invention Convention, some huge corporation will just copy my idea and I will be stuck draining my savings trying to sue them. So now I invent for invention’s sake, or because I just want these products and ideas to exist. So go ahead and steal them. I’ll ask that you cut me in on the profits but you, like the thieves who stole my mailbox ideas, will probably just play dumb.

The Rolling Suitcase Seat

I travel a lot for shows and work which means I spend a lot of time standing around, miserable, draped in heavy luggage. Should I be lucky enough to score a seat somewhere, society dictates that I, as a healthy 20-something male, must give it up to literally anyone else. I don’t want to be rude so I’m almost always stuck standing in terminals, in trains, in waiting rooms, anywhere, which is annoying because I generally don’t like supporting my own weight. But what if I always had my own chair? What if my rolling suitcase could be turned into a little personal seat that I wouldn’t have to give up to anyone? Dream no longer!

TLDNR: 3 Incredible Inventions to Change the World - Image 5

All the elements are there: the top of the bag is the seat and the retractable handle is the back board. You don’t want your chair sliding all over the place so there is a kickstand-like device that will deploy a small set of legs, similar to how you park a moped. Finally! A way to not have to give old ladies a seat! [Continue reading]

Special Comb for Bald Men
Comes with a free prescription for Prozac.

Special Comb for Bald Men

Comes with a free prescription for Prozac.

(Source: humortrain.com)

Parry Gripp - Spiral Cut Hot Dogs

Does anyone have a lighter? I want this grill to start after the encore.

(Source: youtube.com)

The Popinator

Shut up and feed me popcorn while I watch “Futurama.”

(Source: youtube.com)