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I guess there is such a thing as being too safe…

Introducing the Scroguard, a Condom for Your Crotch. Just Creepy.

(Source: youtube.com)

Show of hands: How many of you have ever been 5 minutes late for something because you couldn’t remember where you put your phone? I can’t see you, but I’m gonna assume that 99% of you have your hands in the air, and the remaining 1% is a bunch of filthy liars. I personally have spent countless hours of my life on my knees, tearing my home apart only to find that my that my phone was crammed between couch cushions, rolled up in a blanket, or, for some reason, buried in the vegetable crisper. If Apple were to include an external keychain remote with with every device they sell, they could ensure that no phone is ever lost again. Just click the panic button and to set off a loud, blaring alarm that will instantly let you find whatever bizarre place you left your iPhone. I mean, think about. Cars have panic buttons, and while I lose phones all the time, I’ve only ever misplaced two cars.

Finish reading —> 6 New Features We’d Like To See On The iPhone 6

Why It Motivates You: Hopefully someone already explained this one to you a while ago…
How It Works: It’s like a normal alarm, only it’s shaped like your favorite erogenous zone, and instead of turning it off with a button you…like, do sex stuff with it…? Alright, I haven’t really worked all the kinks out of this one, but trust me, when I can figure out how to make it not disgusting, it will sell.
Finish reading —> 5 Alarm Clocks That Would Totally Motivate You to Get Up

Why It Motivates You: Hopefully someone already explained this one to you a while ago…

How It Works: It’s like a normal alarm, only it’s shaped like your favorite erogenous zone, and instead of turning it off with a button you…like, do sex stuff with it…? Alright, I haven’t really worked all the kinks out of this one, but trust me, when I can figure out how to make it not disgusting, it will sell.

Finish reading —> 5 Alarm Clocks That Would Totally Motivate You to Get Up

Why It Motivates You: Though it mostly goes unsaid, perhaps the greatest thing motivating our lives is the knowledge that, one day, our lives will end. The average person will live for less than 30,000 days. Do you really want to waste the little time you have in bed?

How It Works: Bring the burning anxiety of your inevitable demise from the back of your mind to the front with an alarm that’s not so much an alarm as it is a lighter glued to clock, and placed near a pile of oily rags. Once that bad boy goes off, you’ll have mere moments to go and separate the two before the rags go up in flames, speeding up your march into oblivion. You’ll never think of the saying “You can sleep when you’re dead” the same way again.

Finish reading —> 5 Alarm Clocks That Would Totally Motivate You to Get Up

The sex will be so much more rewarding if you survive this.
Watch —> Dangerous Condom Applicator

The sex will be so much more rewarding if you survive this.

Watch —> Dangerous Condom Applicator

Why It Motivates You: Not all motivators have to be negative. If our country’s ongoing obesity epidemic is any indicator, the prospect of having something tasty to munch on is one of the best way to get us up off our fat asses. Think about it. If you smelled bacon cooking from the next room over, would you ignore it? Of course not. You’d drop what you were doing and immediately go investigate it because that’s human nature.

How It Works: Though most of us aren’t lucky enough to have someone wake us up with the smell of sizzling bacon wafting from the kitchen, we are lucky enough to live in a golden age of food laziness, and have easy access to technologies that can easily approximate such a lovely scene. Using food delivery services like Seamless as a template, the food alarm would have you floating out of bed like you’re a cartoon dog that’s just gotten a whiff of a pie. Just place your order and the time you want to get up, and the next morning, a delivery man will greet you with a bag full of deliciousness, instantly transforming you into a morning person.

Finish reading —> 5 Alarm Clocks That Would Totally Motivate You to Get Up

People have been inventing stupid shit since the dawn of time. Here are 13 products from the past 50 years that failed to take off for obvious reasons. 

Finish reading 13 WTF Products The World Just Wasn’t Ready For

Yes, it’s essentially no different than a plastic cup, except it is. And what took so long? It’s almost as if inventors of alcohol-related products quit trying after the flask and that hat that lets you drink beer through a straw. If you’re reading this, Anheuser-Busch V.I.P. guy, let’s set up a think tank and brainstorm some new products for all the drunks of tomorrow. They deserve it. 

Yes, it’s essentially no different than a plastic cup, except it is. And what took so long? It’s almost as if inventors of alcohol-related products quit trying after the flask and that hat that lets you drink beer through a straw. If you’re reading this, Anheuser-Busch V.I.P. guy, let’s set up a think tank and brainstorm some new products for all the drunks of tomorrow. They deserve it. 

People have been inventing stupid shit since the dawn of time. Here are 13 products from the past 50 years that failed to take off for obvious reasons. 

Finish reading 13 WTF Products The World Just Wasn’t Ready For

Summer fashions to keep you COOL in more ways than one.

Finish reading 5 Summer Clothing Innovations We’d Actually Use

The Invention of Email

The Year 1971:

Two computer scientists, Ray and Vern, sit at two giant proto-computers set at opposite ends of the room.

Ray: Now sending data packet to remote station two.

Vern: Data received.

Both scientists look up at each other.

Ray: We did it. We sent a file from one networked machine to another.

Vern: We’ve invented electronic mail, Ray! We’re going to revolutionize the way people communicate!

Ray: Our names will be remembered forever.

Vern: You’re right about-oh, hey, I’ve got mail. What’d you send me?

Ray: Just read it.

Vern: Second email ever, right? Let’s see what we got here… it’s asking… it’s asking if I’m satisfied with the size of my penis.

Ray: Well?

Vern: Why did you send this? Why would you send me an email saying my penis is too small?

Ray: So you think it’s too small?

Vern: That’s not funny, Ray! These are the first emails ever; people are going to remember this stuff! Now in the future there’s going to be a museum exhibit about how small my dick is! 

Ray: I… I’m sorry, Vern. I don’t know what came over me.

Vern: Look, let’s just forget about it, okay? We invented email. It’s a great day.

Ray: Damn right it is. By the way, I sent you those photos you asked for.

Vern: Well, thanks. I don’t remember asking for any photos, but oh my god, what the hell is this?

Ray: It’s a virus.

Vern: Why? Why are you doing this?

Ray: Uh, maybe because it’s funny? Don’t be such a n00b, Vern.

Vern: Don’t- what? We’re both newbies! We invented email five minutes ago!

Ray: Sorry, I’m sorry. Listen, let’s put all this behind us. Here, check out these hot XXXsluts I’m sending you.

Vern: I will check out these hot XXX sluts, but it’s only for research.

Ray: Nice, huh?

Vern: Well, yes. Two girls, wow. What are they doing with that cup of oh god oh fuck you, Ray. Fuck. You.

Vern gets up to leave.

Vern: We had a beautiful thing here, Ray. A beautiful thing that you destroyed.

Ray: Destroyed? My poor Vern. This is only the beginning. You think you can escape this by leaving the room? This is going to be everywhere. Everywhere! There’s no escape! LOL!

Vern: Did you-sorry, did you just say “LOL”?

RayLOLLOL!

Vern leaves. Ray continues to shout “LOL" maniacally.

The Year 2015:

A grandfather finishes putting a small child to bed.

Grandfather: …and that’s the story of how e-mail was invented, and how five thousand years of language was reduced to a cheap slurry of half-formed sentences, pornography, and arbitrary aggression. Sleep tight, fucker.

Child: Fuck you too, grandpa.

Grandfather smiles warmly.

Grandfather: Die of AIDS.

Elon Musk

Smells rich.

(Source: youtube.com)

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Alright guys, so I have this AMAZING idea. You ready? Ok, so I have been thinking, what if we took the restaurant — and put it on wheels? Like our same restaurant, but in a van or better yet, some kind of truck!
The Invention of the Food Truck [Click to finish me off]

Alright guys, so I have this AMAZING idea. You ready? Ok, so I have been thinking, what if we took the restaurant — and put it on wheels? Like our same restaurant, but in a van or better yet, some kind of truck!

The Invention of the Food Truck [Click to finish me off]

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