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CollegeHumor Staff Blog

How to Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch:

Step 1: Count your chickens. Step 2: Count the total number of eggs laid by your chickens. Step 3: Add the total number of eggs to your total number of chickens.

How to kill two birds with one stone:

Step 1: Find a decently sized rock.
Step 2: Drive to pet store that sells birds.
Step 3: Take rock and kill one bird in pet store with it. (Because their wings are clipped, they won’t be able to escape)
Step 4: Using same rock, kill a second bird.

How to Shoot Fish in a Barrel: (It’s Easy!)

Step 1: Purchase a barrel.
Step 2: Drive to pet store.
Step 3: Be denied entry because the last time you were there, you killed two of their birds with a rock.
Step 4: Drive to different pet store.
Step 5: Purchase several fish.
Step 6: Put fish into barrel.
Step 7: Purchase shotgun.
Step 8: Shoot fish.

How to Pay the Piper:

Step 1: Hire a Piper to get rats out of your city.
Step 2: Watch as he succeeds.
Step 3: Pay him for doing his job so he doesn’t kidnap your children.

German Man Does Not Like “Shooting Fish in a Barrel” Idiom

More like STUPidiom, amirite? Cool, thanks for agreeing with me.

(Source: College Humor)