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Why It Motivates You: Though it mostly goes unsaid, perhaps the greatest thing motivating our lives is the knowledge that, one day, our lives will end. The average person will live for less than 30,000 days. Do you really want to waste the little time you have in bed?

How It Works: Bring the burning anxiety of your inevitable demise from the back of your mind to the front with an alarm that’s not so much an alarm as it is a lighter glued to clock, and placed near a pile of oily rags. Once that bad boy goes off, you’ll have mere moments to go and separate the two before the rags go up in flames, speeding up your march into oblivion. You’ll never think of the saying “You can sleep when you’re dead” the same way again.

Finish reading —> 5 Alarm Clocks That Would Totally Motivate You to Get Up

Do you think it’s only fair that there be a White History Month? Then we’ve got the soda for you!
Watch —> Kinda Racist? Try Diet Racism!

Do you think it’s only fair that there be a White History Month? Then we’ve got the soda for you!

Watch —> Kinda Racist? Try Diet Racism!

The Shining is a gripping, unique horror film that holds up extremely well and still looks incredible, but watching it now, one can’t help but notice that the famous climactic “Here’s Johnny!” line — which is also the DVD cover — ends up being a really minor part of the film’s explosive final sequence. The Jack character painstakingly axes his way through the bathroom door while his wife screams, then he sticks his face through the door, delivers the line, and instantly gets stabbed in the hand then hears someone at the front door and leaves.

It’s still a super-awesome and terrifying scene, it’s just slightly amusing how instantly-defeated he gets. Then he gets outsmarted by his son and freezes to death. It’s a pretty rough twenty minutes for that dude.

Finish reading 10 Famous Movie Moments That Were Actually Really Anticlimactic

Brazil's Mr. Balls Looks a Lot Like Jonah Hill »

I Think My Draw Something Partner Might Have Been Kidnapped

Go to CollegeHumor.com for funny, new original videos and articles everyday. 

Finish reading —> 6 Bar Games You Can Play with Just Your Smartphone

Why complain about people checking their phones when you could make a whole game out of it? Next time you’re at the bar, try these simple smartphone-based games to liven up even the most boring of bars.

Yes, I am prepared to be your hero.

Go to CollegeHumor.com for funny, new original videos and articles everyday. 

 

Time is DEFINITELY not on your side.
Finish reading —> This is Why You’re Late For Work Every Morning

Time is DEFINITELY not on your side.

Finish reading —> This is Why You’re Late For Work Every Morning

Ever Wonder What Full House Would Be Like Without Michelle?

Everywhere you look, everywhere you go - nope, still not there.

(Source: youtube.com)

Jake and Amir: Headshots

A picture is worth a thousand ME.

Celebrate National Dog Day by spreading awareness of “The Truth About Purebred Dogs.”

Okay, I get it. You love your purebred bulldog! Who could resist that loose skin, those stubby legs, and that adorable underbite? Well, I hate to break it to you, but that lovable little freak — along with almost every other breed of dog — was created by Victorian eugenicists less than one hundred years ago. What’s more, the breeds they created are now getting so inbred that most of them are sicker than … well, dogs! Check it out: Adam breaks down the awful truth for you in the newest episode of Adam Ruins Everything.

For more information, watch the BBC documentary Pedigree Dogs Exposed, or check out the following sources:

Finish 13 Inanimate Objects That Look Like They’re Having an Existential Breakdown

Happy Birthday Macaulay Culkin
Now read —> 10 Parts In Home Alone That Still Bother Me

Happy Birthday Macaulay Culkin

Now read —> 10 Parts In Home Alone That Still Bother Me

Weird Al Made Up His Own Lyrics for The Emmy-Nominated Shows

Weird Al continued his domination of the summer of 2014 by singing the lyrics to several of this year’s Emmy-nominated shows. Specifically the one’s that don’t have any lyrics to begin with like Mad Men, Game of Thrones, Homeland, and Scandal.

 I’m now going to have Al’s lyrics “here come dragons galore and some boobs..” stuck in my head every time I watch Game of Thrones from here on out.  

(Source: youtube.com)

I like to imagine this is Chandler Bing and Janice.
Finish reading 9 Problems That Weren’t Solved by Advice Columns

I like to imagine this is Chandler Bing and Janice.

Finish reading 9 Problems That Weren’t Solved by Advice Columns