How to Be Unique While Posting the Same Bullshit as Everyone Else [Click for more]

Fit in while standing out, just like everyone else!

How To Make a Dildo

That doesn’t seem at all accurate, but what do I know, I’m not a dildo farmer.

(Source: youtube.com)

Complete Guide to Summer Music Festivals for Newbies [Click for full description]

Who knew having fun was so complicated.

So You Want To Design A Cool Alien Spaceship? [Click for full read]

Looking to build the perfect classic alien spaceship, huh? Well you’ve come to the right place! My design firm has built thousands of these things, so I’ll throw some ideas out and you can tell me what you think:

For the interior, first off, I’m thinking CATWALKS. We should have sterile, metal catwalks spiraling all over the damn place, and every inch of every wall should be covered in tubes. What kind of tubes? Insider Tip: It doesn’t matter, they’re just there for decoration, but if any of them get pulled out of the wall, they’ll start shooting out dry-ice smoke for some reason. Sure, these smoke-shooting purposeless tubes will run you a few extra Rembulaxx (our form of money, as you already know), but it’s the direction everyone’s going in, and it’ll definitely up the resale value. Keep Reading

How to Have Sex Told By a Grade Schooler

That pretty much covers it. 

(Source: reddit.com)

So you’re graduating from the four-year orgy of overindulgence we call college and moving on to the grueling existential crisis that is adulthood. Congrats! The party may be over, but that doesn’t mean you have to spend the next forty years of your life drowning in a vast, inescapable sea of student loan debt and lolcat forwards. Here’s some advice for making the jump from someone who’s been there.

How to Write Bestselling Erotic Fiction [Click for all your “How To” tips]

Erotic fiction is all the rage these days — and if you’re anything like me, your first response to this trend is, “No thanks,” and your second is, “But wait — can I cash in on that?!” Well, you are in luck! I am here to tell you that writing high-quality smut is as easy as I heard you were in high school. Tramp.

There are several important guidelines to follow when writing straight-up filthy filth for the masses. Keep these simple points in mind, and in no time at all you’ll be on board the gravy train that is the growing erotic fiction market. Just don’t think about the gravy too much. Let’s get started.

The Pet Care Manual for Your Drunk Friend 

If you’re a good boy we can get you a treat at Wendy’s. 

Find out if he needed to be neutered the next day.

Video: How to Build a Ball Pit in Your Living Room

Now there’s no need to scare all the kids at Chuck E. Cheese.

How to Music Really Good (ft. Dr. Dray)

Like music to my bleeding ears.

(Source: youtube.com)

How to Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch:

Step 1: Count your chickens. Step 2: Count the total number of eggs laid by your chickens. Step 3: Add the total number of eggs to your total number of chickens.

How To Make Your Bed and Lie in it:

Step 1: Make Bed.
Step 2: Lie in that motherfucker.

How to kill two birds with one stone:

Step 1: Find a decently sized rock.
Step 2: Drive to pet store that sells birds.
Step 3: Take rock and kill one bird in pet store with it. (Because their wings are clipped, they won’t be able to escape)
Step 4: Using same rock, kill a second bird.

How to Shoot Fish in a Barrel: (It’s Easy!)

Step 1: Purchase a barrel.
Step 2: Drive to pet store.
Step 3: Be denied entry because the last time you were there, you killed two of their birds with a rock.
Step 4: Drive to different pet store.
Step 5: Purchase several fish.
Step 6: Put fish into barrel.
Step 7: Purchase shotgun.
Step 8: Shoot fish.

How to Pay the Piper:

Step 1: Hire a Piper to get rats out of your city.
Step 2: Watch as he succeeds.
Step 3: Pay him for doing his job so he doesn’t kidnap your children.

How to Float

Putting David Blaine to shame.

(Source: reddit.com)