“Even though we have Verizon Fios, which has a guide built right in, my parents insist on using the channel guide in the newspaper and reading it out loud to each other so they can decide what to watch.”

“I was a tour guide at a cave when I was in high school. Many times, fathers in my tour groups would feel insecure about being under the watch of a teenager and would ask stupid questions like “What if I touch this formation?” or “What if I fart in the cave?” just to throw me off. As often as I felt appropriate, I’d respond with, “Well then we’d all die…” and then I’d turn the lights of and scream. I didn’t get tipped much.”

“

Many people diminish St. Patrick’s Day as amateur hour, “nothing more than a glorified frat party.” And while scientists, theologians, and scholars have yet to specify what exactly is wrong with that, the stigma remains.

However, it is not all binge drinking and puking (unfortunately).

If you are entering the shamrockified fray for the first time, you’ll do well to arm yourself with these few tidbits to prove you are no dilettante when it comes to the lore and custom of the “Old Country.”

Oh, and a shillelagh. You might want to arm yourself with a shillelagh too….