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CollegeHumor Staff Blog

Greetings, sir or madam,

Your current station in life has attracted the attention of the omnipotent rulers of the universe, us, the Illuminati. We would hereby like to invite you to join our order of infinite power. However, while we are inviting you, please realize turning down the “offer” is not possible. If you don’t join you will be sent to another dimension. A dimension where we have even more power and our invitations are even more threatening. We can do that.

You have undoubtedly heard whispers of our existence and deeds, but let us now reveal the true scope of our society. Every government power but one is under our command, and the one that isn’t is because we don’t want it. It can keep its banks, watches, and neutrality. We already have Switzerland.

The global economy is our plaything. Sometimes we flip a coin to determine whether or not coins should still have value. So far the world hasn’t had to deal with worthless coins, but statistically it’s only a matter of time before the arcade industry plummets. For you see, we can make any industry crumble at any given moment. You remember Beanie Babies, I’m sure. Due to us, they didn’t grow into Beanie Adults.

Click to finish: Congratulations! You’ve Been Invited to Join the Illuminati!

(Source: College Humor)


A Guide to Lunchtime Social Groups, Through Life [click to see more]

A Guide to Lunchtime Social Groups, Through Life [click to see more]

(Source: College Humor)

Gathering of the Gingers
The name Burning Man should really be reserved for red-headed events.

Gathering of the Gingers

The name Burning Man should really be reserved for red-headed events.

(Source: College Humor)