Ralph Wiggum: (taking a bite of tomacco) Oh, Daddy, this tastes like Grandma!
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
“My dad is always touting the latest and greatest gadgets to anyone who is in earshot. So after he plugged the Kindle to my grandmother, telling her it would make it that much easier and convenient to read any books she wanted, she decided to buy one. She then came back from the library with some books, put them next to her new purchase and asks my dad “so how do I now put them in this?””
How would he even know? She’s been missing since right before they entered the spread business.
“My grandma called asking for help looking for used cars online. Conversation went exactly like this: Grandma: I need to get to craigslist Me: you have to type craigslist into the address bar G: But i’m stuck in autotrader, will that get me out? Me: Yeah just type in craigslist.org G: and that will get me out of autotrader? Me: what if you just google it? G: but how do I get to google if i’m stuck in autotrader? she still doesn’t know how i got her ‘unstuck’ from autotrader.com”
“My mom was attempting to explain to my Grandma (her mother) how to attach a picture to an e-mail. My Grandma’s first response was, “What’s e-mail?”. Needless to say, my mom gave up explaining it to her.”
“I met my girlfriends mother for the first time recently. I had been dating her for about two months, when her mom asked me in private if she was pregnant yet. I responded by saying that of the few (lies) times we have had sex, I have been diligent wearing a condom. She then asked me to start poking pin holes into them, and knock her up. WHAT THE FUCK?!”
“I used to work at a grocery store that also sells movies. I was closing the store one night and there was one customer left in the store. She walked up and couldn’t have been younger than 70. All she bought was 3 “adult” movies, a can of vaseline, and an overly large cucumber…I say “have a good night” and she gives me this wickedly sinister pedo-smile, winks and says “oh you know i will baby…” I then went home and took the longest, hottest shower of my life.”
“My grandmother, trying to keep up with the times, wanted a facebook. After taking many hours trying to help her set it up her statuses started popping up on my newsfeed. Not too long after she got it I noticed her statuses were things like “chicken recipes” or “funny cat videos”. My grandmother had thought that her status bar and the google search bar are the same thing.”
“I had to explain rock paper scissors to my grandmother. She said she’d always seen people playing it, she just never understood. She had a lot of trouble with the concept - when I told her that rock beat scissors, because it could smash them, she asked, “But why would anyone do that?!” She still doesn’t know how to play.”
I need 64 bottles of coke and one old lady. How much will that cost?