If he isn’t, may he strike down the person reading this caption where they sit.
Alright, everyone, thanks for coming to the first meeting for 2nd Floor McCullen Hall! Yay! I’m your RA. My name is Amun-Ra, but you can just call me Ra ‘cause I’m chill like that. Let’s break the ice with a little “Two Truths and a Lie.” We’ll say two true things about ourselves and one lie, and it’s up to you to guess which one is not true. Got it? Okay. 1) I brought forth everything in creation by saying its secret name, 2) I have a falcon for a head, and 3) I’m lactose intolerant. What do you guys think…
Wrong! It’s the second one. I have a falcon’s HEAD for a head, not a whole falcon. That would look stupid. That’s also a lesson about language. We all need to be sure that we choose our words carefully and keep communication open. That way we’ll all avoid conflicts. Also, avoid using “angry” words like “stupid” in public spaces. That was my bad, there. But that’s also a lesson about me. Sometimes I make mistakes too. I’m a student just like you! I also just happen to have some administrative disciplinary powers, and the power of flight. And the power to create and destroy with a word.
Now, we’re all living in the same space, so let’s try to respect each other, okay? When it’s late, keep the noise down. I know some of you are going to want to party, but some of us will be studying, or sleeping, or preventing a giant snake from devouring the sun, so just keep that in mind. Party smarter, not harder.
You can also find a basket of condoms on my door. Those are for you guys. And they’re free. I’m not your dad, except in the abstract sense that I created all of you, and I don’t care who you’re shacking up with or whose lettuce you’re jizzing in to establish dominance over them. Just be safe. Safety can be cool! Finish reading
God is Baffled by Pomeranians [Click to finish article]
God: “Wait…that used to be a WOLF? What the hell is wrong with it?”
And on the third day God said, “Let there be ballers!” And there were ballers. And God saw the ballers, and it was awesome.
Why shepherd your flock when you could ruin their day instead?
(Source: College Humor)
In the name the sun we pray, amen.
It’s an advertising campaign of biblical proportions.
Puritan Valentine’s Day Cards [Click for more]
For the person who makes your heart tremble almost as much as The Lord does.
TLDNR: Goddamn Cold and Flu Season [Click to read]
Streeter’s got some great old-fashioned tips that’ll improve your (spiritual) health.
He’s kind of a must-hire.
His miracles are amazing… from certain angles.
God Pitches Winter [Click for full pitch]
You know how when you come home from a really long day of work or school, it’s still nice and bright and warm outside, so you feel obligated to accomplish errands or do something active and healthy and/or leave your room for recreational or social purposes?
Well what if – and this is a crazy idea but bear with me – what if, when you got home, it wascompletely pitch-black outside? And! Not only pitch black, but also it was REALLY FUCKINGCOLD? [Keep Reading]
God Pitches Winter [Click to continue reading]
Ok, ok, so hear me out.