Looks like he ordered a not-so-happy meal.
Not everything has to pop like your heart.
Loneliness “likes” this.
There’s an equation for how short a girl will cut her hair after a break-up.
Pizza Is My Girlfriend [Click for nail-biting ending]
So this is what true love feels like.
Aww, time to mend that broken Mass Effect 2.
We explore the similarities between these two fragile relationships.
The HoBro Code: A Vagrant’s Guide to Your College Dorm [Click for full whiteboard]
In the early 1900’s, American hobos developed a set of shared secret symbols they used to let fellow bums know what to expect from the residents of any town they drifted into. Now, in the 21st century, the code has been revised so that shitty college kids can exploit the kindness of their dorm mates. Keep reading to learn the secrets of the HoBro Code!
Do You Have Time To Masturbate? [Click for full version]
Our messiest flowchart yet.
What Will Definitely Happen When I Go to This Cool Nightclub [Click for full post]
A packed club. Two VERY ATTRACTIVE GIRLS are gathered at the bar, avoiding all ATTRACTIVE, ATHLETIC GUYS.
GIRL 1: Ugh. I’m so sick of dudes thinking they can just like… talk to me because they’re fit and masculine and attractive and in high paying, high power jobs and have really good social skills and are nice and would make good boyfriends and have awesome, thoroughly satisfying sex with me.
GIRL 2: I mean… where are all the guys who got beat up at a Third Eye Blind concert in eighth grade?
GIRL 1: Seriously.
GIRL 2: Or, like, the guys who got called gay in fifth grade for saying “No Strings Attached” by *NSYNC was their favorite album?
GIRL 1: Or the guys with BOTH those things?
GIRL 2: Ha! Yeah. Right. A girl can dream.
GIRL 1: Is that really too much to ask?
GIRL 2: Once again it looks like it is. Oh well, let’s just call it a night and go see if anyone’s tweeted anything about comedy podcasts.
GIRL 1: Sounds like a plan. If we can’t actually FIND the guys of our dreams, at least we can admire them from afar, and then take it from there, sexual fantasy-wise.
WILL enters the club, dropping and then picking up his wallet off the floor after proudly paying the cover charge in EXACT CHANGE. He blocks the entrance for a brief, sexual moment.
GIRL 1: Wait, wait, wait. Twelve o’clock. Um… do you see what I see? Continue
“I work in a drugstore. One day this guy in his twenties comes in, picks up some normal male condoms, and comes to the counter. He said, “Don’t worry, these are for my girlfriend.””
Manti Te’o’s Dead Girlfriend Hoax: Twitter Reactions [Click for full list]
The bombshell report that Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o’s dead girlfriend turns out to be a hoax has sent the Twitter universe afoot with, first, utter disbelief, and next, jokes. The sheer balls that are behind this story almost make any joke pale in comparison to the facts themselves. Almost. [Keep Reading]