Aww, time to mend that broken Mass Effect 2.
Aww, time to mend that broken Mass Effect 2.
We explore the similarities between these two fragile relationships.
The HoBro Code: A Vagrant’s Guide to Your College Dorm [Click for full whiteboard]
In the early 1900’s, American hobos developed a set of shared secret symbols they used to let fellow bums know what to expect from the residents of any town they drifted into. Now, in the 21st century, the code has been revised so that shitty college kids can exploit the kindness of their dorm mates. Keep reading to learn the secrets of the HoBro Code!
Do You Have Time To Masturbate? [Click for full version]
Our messiest flowchart yet.
What Will Definitely Happen When I Go to This Cool Nightclub [Click for full post]
A packed club. Two VERY ATTRACTIVE GIRLS are gathered at the bar, avoiding all ATTRACTIVE, ATHLETIC GUYS.
GIRL 1: Ugh. I’m so sick of dudes thinking they can just like… talk to me because they’re fit and masculine and attractive and in high paying, high power jobs and have really good social skills and are nice and would make good boyfriends and have awesome, thoroughly satisfying sex with me.
GIRL 2: I mean… where are all the guys who got beat up at a Third Eye Blind concert in eighth grade?
GIRL 1: Seriously.
GIRL 2: Or, like, the guys who got called gay in fifth grade for saying “No Strings Attached” by *NSYNC was their favorite album?
GIRL 1: Or the guys with BOTH those things?
GIRL 2: Ha! Yeah. Right. A girl can dream.
GIRL 1: Is that really too much to ask?
GIRL 2: Once again it looks like it is. Oh well, let’s just call it a night and go see if anyone’s tweeted anything about comedy podcasts.
GIRL 1: Sounds like a plan. If we can’t actually FIND the guys of our dreams, at least we can admire them from afar, and then take it from there, sexual fantasy-wise.
WILL enters the club, dropping and then picking up his wallet off the floor after proudly paying the cover charge in EXACT CHANGE. He blocks the entrance for a brief, sexual moment.
GIRL 1: Wait, wait, wait. Twelve o’clock. Um… do you see what I see? Continue
“I work in a drugstore. One day this guy in his twenties comes in, picks up some normal male condoms, and comes to the counter. He said, “Don’t worry, these are for my girlfriend.”
Manti Te’o’s Dead Girlfriend Hoax: Twitter Reactions [Click for full list]
The bombshell report that Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o’s dead girlfriend turns out to be a hoax has sent the Twitter universe afoot with, first, utter disbelief, and next, jokes. The sheer balls that are behind this story almost make any joke pale in comparison to the facts themselves. Almost. [Keep Reading]
TLDNR: 5 Easy Steps to Get Rid of Someone Standing Behind You While You’re on the Computer [Click for full article]
We’ve all been there! You’re sitting down at your computer to browse around, play some games, do some shopping, whatever, but then someone up and stands right behind you. They probably don’t mean any harm but it’s certainly hard to enjoy your time on the computer with Big Brother looking over your shoulder. Here’s how to get rid of anyone – a sibling, a parent, a roommate, a girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife – in 5 simple steps! Stacy, honey, I’m trying to do that article right now, OK? Just give me a few minutes. Please.
1. Give them the time of day! Maybe the unwanted lurker just has a quick question and doesn’t want to interrupt. Turn around and say something like, “Hey! What’s up?” More often than not, the lurker will ask a question, you can answer and the situation is resloved in no time. Yeah, I know I spelled it wrong, Stacy. I’ll go back and fix it in a minute but I’m trying to get a first draft done. This is how writing works, babe, OK? You’re not a writer so you don’t really get it. Just hang in the living room and I’ll be in when I’m done. [Keep Reading]
“My girlfriend is amazing. She’s a tiny blonde who was a gymnast for 12 years. The only problem is we’re doing the long distance thing. At school I started playing a lot of Magic and managed to keep it hidden from her for 4 or 5 months because I thought it was way too nerdy for her to know. She found out and asked me to teach her how to play a few times and when I asked her why she wanted to learn she said “Because I don’t want you to think Im not cool.” BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER!”
“Every time I yawn around my girlfriend, she would have the idea of just poking me in the stomach and, thus, totally interrupting the satisfaction I try to get from a natural yawn and she has done this since the beginning of our relationship. Fast forward to 5 months later - Now every time I yawn around her, she doesn’t have to poke me anymore… because I developed the habit of flinching in fear of her poking me which, ironically, interrupts my own yawns.”
This isn’t her first quest.
“So today after classes I tried to give my boyfriend a good luck kiss, because he had a wrestling meet later that day, and unfortunately I couldn’t stay. He stopped me before I could kiss him and told me that he can’t, and I looked at him, puzzled. He then proceeds to explain to me how he can’t kiss “at least 24 hours before a wrestling meet because it lowers a guy’s testosterone levels”, which made me even more confused…. I asked him who told told him this, and he said his coach…. My boyfriend would rather listen to his coach then me.”
Here’s 12 Kids That Could Steal Your Girlfriend [Click for full gallery]
And they’d still be home for nap time. P.S. My name is Chris Hansen, why don’t you and your girlfriend have a seat.
The best buds you ever had no choice but to have.
“The Six” - The adventures of you, written by us. See the whole series here!