The Russian president’s Olympics are the best laundered money can buy.
Hey Beyonce, What’s That You’re Hiding Behind Your Ear?
All the single toppings.
18 Close Calls That Would Probably Make You Poop Yourself
Good thing you wore your Depends today.
Sky Control Stunt Plane Looks Worried [Click to animate]
But damn, check out that flawless pirouette.
1. The Anglerfish has a goddamn glowstick on its head.
2. The Tomopteris is a glow worm thingy that would slither through your nightmares.
3. This thing that is literally a crossbreed between Predator and a shrimp.
4. The Magnapinna Squid which is the Slenderman of the sea.
5. Holy shit this fucking Ctenophora jellyfish creature that is ready to go to a rave in hell.
6. The Purple Man O’ War that at first you’re like aw, yer a cute little fella, and then you realize is so poisonous it will fuck your day with it’s bubble body.
7. The Sarcastic Fingerhead that is not actually sarcatic but will eat your face.
Disclaimer: Everyone was harmed in the making of these shows.
"I will return to you, my love."
1. The Crying Indian Commercial
Parodied By: The Simpsons, Mr. Show, Wayne’s World 2, Married With Children, Kingpin, and many more.
Volume One in a 10,000-Part Series. See 9,996 MORE AWESOMENESS.
This guide will help you prepare for the transition from barely-functioning man child to barely-functioning man child with a baby sitting on his shoulders.
Throwing Your Niece/Nephew Around
The appropriate way for an uncle to greet a niece or nephew is to pick them up and throw them like an Italian stereotype throwing around some pizza dough. With luck your niece or nephew will forever associate you with the euphoric feeling of flying. You may be concerned that tossing them around may make them uncontrollably excited, and unable to sleep. Don’t worry! This will be your sibling’s problem. Here are the three tossing techniques most recommended by top uncles.
The Lion King
The Problem Child
So You’re Going to Be an Uncle [Click to start reading]
Guy Enthusiastically Cheers on Football Team Eating a Turkey Leg [Click to animate]
Buy me some peanuts and hearty meat.