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CollegeHumor Staff Blog

A Klondike Bar and a Candy Bar Really Want to Get it On

What Klondike Wanted Was A Sexy Date Night…He Got a Child

These Guys Definitely Got Their Money’s Worth

These Guys Definitely Got Their Money’s Worth

(Source: reddit.com)

Tired of Lifehacks and “Things You’re Doing Wrong”

Tip: Save the time you would have spent watching lifehacks by watching this.

(Source: youtube.com)

Facepalm: Pizza

Sound the dumbass alarm, because here comes the king. Let me explain:

I just had a super long/busy day at work (Internet was slow, printer was broken, blah blah blah), so I had not eaten all day. So I get home, too lazy to cook, and order a 2 liter bottle of Pepsi and a PIZZA. Pepperoni, Mushrooms, Olive, Extra Cheese. Perfection.

I wait the longest thirty minutes of my life and finally my doorbell rings (Best sound ever?). Sure enough, it’s the pizza guy. I give him exact change (no tip – haha) and shut the door.

I set the 2 liter Pepsi down, open the pizza box, and lo and behold, there she is: Extra large pie, pepperoni, mushrooms, olives, and extra cheese. Beauty.

Okay, so. I take the entire pizza out of the box, and put it on my kitchen counter. So at this point there are three things on my kitchen counter, the Pepsi bottle, the entire pizza, and the empty box.

At this point I’m literally starving to death… so I take the “pizza” over to my living room and, sitting indian style two feet away from my television, I begin devouring the “pie” and watching Tosh point 0. (Or at least, I think it’s the pie. Keep reading.)

One slice down, another slice down, I do not look down once. My eyes are fixated on the show (web redemption for the win). Keep in mind, this entire time, the pizza tastes a little off. Not terribly wrong, but like cardboard and pizza grease moreso than dough, cheese, sauce, and toppings. (You’ll see why. Keep reading.)

After downing SIX slices of the “pizza” my throat and stomach are starting to hurt. Not like insane pain, but like, the kind of pain you feel when you’re eating sharp-ish triangles of paper. “Whatever, pizza is pizza” and I keep eating.

After about two-and-a-half hours I finally finish the “pie” (Anybody who says I can’t eat a whole pizza is a liar lol) but at this point my throat is really torn up and my stomach is experiencing sharp pain. Just then, I remember: THE PEPSI!

I crawl over to the kitchen (at this point I can’t even stand up haha) and what do I see? It’s the entire pizza pie on my kitchen counter. For a split second, I think I ordered two pies and forgot (Yeah — I was that hungry) but then I realized… wait… DID I JUST EATTHE BOX AND LEAVE THE PIZZA IN THE KITCHEN!?!?

I stumble back to my living room, sure enough, there it is, scraps of pizza box, napkins, and paper plates. It looked like my dog had gotten to it (he’s a lovable dumbass lol.) Even the little plastic table that they put in the box for decoration has two legs missing. Turns out, my thoughts in the kitchen were right: I ATE THE ENTIRE PIZZA BOX AND LEFTTHE PIZZA IN THE KITCHEN!

And they say humans are the smartest animal because…?

(Source: College Humor)

Banned Grey Poupon Ad

I can’t remember the last time I saw a Grey Poupon ad on TV, and unfortunately that’s probably not about to change. YouTuber OBVS has uploaded a “banned ad” and even it if is just a spoof — which I suspect it might be — it’s a damn clever one. It doesn’t exactly make me hungry for a sandwich, though.

Wow. I Thought I Knew How to Cut a Cake. Until I Saw This.

(Source: youtube.com)

Finish reading 10 Food Pick-Up Lines That (Probably) Won’t Work

Banned Grey Poupon Ad »
How You Know It’s Time To Get A Job
Strengths include: organizational skills.

How You Know It’s Time To Get A Job

Strengths include: organizational skills.

(Source: reddit.com)

DRAWFEE BREAK - Nathan’s Ghost Pepper Vision Quest

Caldwell and Nathan draw what Nathan saw while he was under the influence of the ghost pepper.

Popeye Discovers the Consequences of Eating a Can of Spinach »

You can’t fit a round peg in a square hole unless you REALLY force it in there.

Finish - Well THAT Does Not Belong In There: 12 VERY Out-of-Place Things

This Guy’s Helmet is BANANAS
It’s Chiquita Banana, but comes with better helmet hair.

This Guy’s Helmet is BANANAS

It’s Chiquita Banana, but comes with better helmet hair.

(Source: twitter.com)

Watch Our Illustrator Nathan Lose a Bet and Have To Eat a Ghost Pepper While Drawing A Caricature

How long do you have to wait before you can talk about how bad it was?
What You Can Do After Sex, Based on How Long You’ve Been Together

How long do you have to wait before you can talk about how bad it was?

What You Can Do After Sex, Based on How Long You’ve Been Together