1. Cars: Cars can’t talk. This is supposed to be a heartwarming tale about a cocky protagonist learning what really matters in life, right? Too bad the audience is COMPLETELY unable to focus on this aspect because, oh yeah, all of the characters are CARS, but they all somehow manage to speak PERFECT ENGLISH! I tried talking to MY car in English once, and all it did was sit there silently and remind me how LONELY I am!
2. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone: Magic isn’t real. This movie starts out great when it looks like it’s going to be about how to ostracize people who are weird and small. But then, all of a sudden, it turns out that the wimpy kid with glasses has MAGIC POWERS! Oh, wow, totally believable, except that MAGIC DOESN’T EXIST! I’ve known this ever since a magician came to my sixth birthday party and said he was going to pull a rabbit out of a hat but wound up just having sex with my mom.
3. The Fox and the Hound: In real life, it is impossible to overcome differences. I haven’t spoken to my brother in TEN YEARS because he thinks Paul McCartney is more talented than John Lennon, but I’m supposed to believe that a fox and a hound will IGNORE the roles society has already laid out for them and become FRIENDS? No way. Also, I REALLY MISS my brother.
4. Rookie of the Year: The Cubs are terrible. Seriously, have you seen their record this year? It’s pathetic.
1 MORE HUGE Plot Hole in a Classic Children’s Films [Click to read]