20 People Mitt Romney Probably Doesn’t Want Voting For Him [Click to continue]
Both candidates are scrambling for votes today and the election’s close to statistically tied. But Mitt Romney would still probably give up the support of these twenty Twitter users, even if it meant losing twenty Ohio votes:
20 Things You Say About Politics, and What You Actually Mean [Click to continue]
The Best Fictional President results are in [Click for full results]
While everyone is waiting to see who wins the vote for President of the United States, we want to figure out who the best fake president is. It’s probably of equal importance.
Foreign Correspondent: A Brit’s View of the Presidential Election [Click to continue]
How to Survive Election Night on Social Media [Click to continue reading]
Me - I believe my 3.6 GPA, Spanish club presidency, and overall friendly demeanor make me the ideal candidate to run the world’s largest economy and military. People say I’m like really easy to talk to. If elected president, school will run on an “as needs” basis, marijuana will be legal, and Thursday will become a government-funded “Free Sundae Day.”
Mickey Mouse - The area now known as Disneyland used to be a collection of low-income housing projects, ridden with unemployment, gang violence, and drugs. When Mickey came along to establish Disneyland, he created a truly modern city with a bustling tourist economy. Who says he can’t do the same to America? He has promised to fund a commission of highly efficient wizards to replace doctors, thus, eliminating the need for healthcare. Furthermore, he will save endangered species by turning Montana into an Animal Kingdom, and fight China’s growing economy with unicorns. Sure, he can be criticized for Disneyland’s growing obesity problem, but would you rather have an obese nation wearing festive hats or a healthy one without unicorns? Think about it.
President Josiah Bartlet (from The West Wing) - Bartlet promises to distract you from pressing issues with his epic speeches while said issues work themselves out by serendipitous acts of luck or coincidence. Also, he will defend himself against any critics with awesome zingers.
Penis - I think penises are funny. I want my president to be funny, like Reagan. If these two are true, then penis = president. What will the penis do in office? Draw more dicks all over stuff, making congressional hearings lot more fun. Also, congress = boobs.
(Image courtesy of CNN)
1. You’ll have to put pants on.
If you didn’t already have to, let’s face it, you weren’t going to. Now you have a reason to do something with your day, other than the fact that they’re finite and becoming more fleeting by the day.
2. You’ll get complimented.
Most of the people volunteering at polling places are elderly women. No one compliments others like a sweet old lady. Outside of those who want money from you, they’re the only creatures on Earth that will call you handsome just for being alive.
3. You’ll have something to talk to strangers about.
“Who are you voting for?” might be off limits, but if a fellow patriot catches your eye, you can talk to them about the length of the line, what the elementary school gym you’re in smells like, or why you suck at speaking to women.
4. You’ll have something to talk to your parents about.
Take advantage of one of the few times you’ll actually have an answer to “How was your day?” Your day was great, you got to suggest to the Electoral College who they should pick to be president. Not as cool as picking a president on your own, but it still beats whatever it is you do that elicits a “Good.” This time, who you voted for is definitely off limits. If you ever want them to call back that is. I suppose that’s up to you.
5. You’ll get to avoid working out.
Putting an entire nation on your back, as well as all of those in other countries who’d stop at nothing just to be able to vote? That’s like 10 sets of whatever workout that screaming guy in the Affliction t-shirt does.
How to Vote [Click to continue]
He’s not the devil, but he is endorsed by him.
Consider this as a reminder to get out and avoid the crazy people.
He’s one hell of a candidate
Voting is never a bad choice.