Follow Us

CollegeHumor Staff Blog

8 Minor Movie Characters I Still Feel Really Bad For [Click for full post]
1. The Guy Who Gets Shot in The Hallway In “Terminator 2”
Terminator 2 was the first R-Rated movie I saw in the theaters, and as a child, I wasn’t tooscarred by the specific, graphic violence throughout the movie (certainly not to a Temple of Doom nightmare-inducing degree), but I always felt really really bad for this random sad dude walking around the back-hallways of the shopping mall who gets unceremoniously shot to death by the T-1000.Think about it: The guy is ALREADY a professional “behind-the-scenes mall worker,” which is friggin’ sad enough — the ONLY PERK of that boring dead-end life is that you don’t get remorselessly shot seven times for happening to be in the same hallway as two killer robots settling a future-war.
Honorable Mention: The chubby hospital security guard who gets stabbed through the eye. Equally sad, but also pretty bad-ass, and at least the T-1000 meant to kill him. To this day I still look over my shoulder every time I use a Keurig.
Finish reading 8 Minor Movie Characters I Still Feel Really Bad For

8 Minor Movie Characters I Still Feel Really Bad For [Click for full post]

1. The Guy Who Gets Shot in The Hallway In “Terminator 2”

Terminator 2 was the first R-Rated movie I saw in the theaters, and as a child, I wasn’t tooscarred by the specific, graphic violence throughout the movie (certainly not to a Temple of Doom nightmare-inducing degree), but I always felt really really bad for this random sad dude walking around the back-hallways of the shopping mall who gets unceremoniously shot to death by the T-1000.

Think about it: The guy is ALREADY a professional “behind-the-scenes mall worker,” which is friggin’ sad enough — the ONLY PERK of that boring dead-end life is that you 
don’t get remorselessly shot seven times for happening to be in the same hallway as two killer robots settling a future-war.

Honorable Mention: The chubby hospital security guard who gets stabbed through the eye. Equally sad, but also pretty bad-ass, and at least the T-1000 meant to kill him. To this day I still look over my shoulder every time I use a Keurig.

Finish reading 8 Minor Movie Characters I Still Feel Really Bad For

5 Incredible Disney Deleted Scenes That Explain Everything »

How did you LITERALLY just spend a million dollars??

Read A Letter From The Financial Planner For The Guy From The Song “Santeria”

Wow. This person is speechless. She literally couldn’t BELIEVE what happened next. But what happened next… restored her faith in humanity. That’s right, she had lost her faith in all of humanity before this. But it’s back now. Which is good, because it’ll help her get through the day.
Finish reading The 7 People Who Post CONSTANTLY On Facebook

Wow. This person is speechless. She literally couldn’t BELIEVE what happened next. But what happened next… restored her faith in humanity. That’s right, she had lost her faith in all of humanity before this. But it’s back now. Which is good, because it’ll help her get through the day.

Finish reading The 7 People Who Post CONSTANTLY On Facebook

This Opposite-Of-A-Sheep (Wolf? Some weird, inside-out sheep? Sheep Wario?) just sees through all the BULLSHIT, y’know? He knows everything’s BULLSHIT, and everyone’s BOUGHT AND PAID FOR and it’s all ONE BIG CIRCLEJERK and even that circlejerk is a buncha BULLSHIT.
It’s his personal duty to inform the rest of us dumbass pawns Re: ALL THE BULLSHIT by constantly sharing links to websites with the word “Truth” or “Mind” in them, usually between hyphens and shit (Popular Examples may include: TheTRUTH-Fairy.org, OPEN-your-MIND-by-clicking-this-THING.info, and TRUTH-MIND-TRUTHMINDtruthy-TRUTHTRUTH.com)
Finish reading The 7 People Who Post CONSTANTLY On Facebook

This Opposite-Of-A-Sheep (Wolf? Some weird, inside-out sheep? Sheep Wario?) just sees through all the BULLSHIT, y’know? He knows everything’s BULLSHIT, and everyone’s BOUGHT AND PAID FOR and it’s all ONE BIG CIRCLEJERK and even that circlejerk is a buncha BULLSHIT.

It’s his personal duty to inform the rest of us dumbass pawns Re: ALL THE BULLSHIT by constantly sharing links to websites with the word “Truth” or “Mind” in them, usually between hyphens and shit (Popular Examples may include: TheTRUTH-Fairy.org, OPEN-your-MIND-by-clicking-this-THING.info, and TRUTH-MIND-TRUTHMINDtruthy-TRUTHTRUTH.com)

Finish reading The 7 People Who Post CONSTANTLY On Facebook

Here’s a simple life philosophy: "Be more aware of where your food comes from, and make a daily effort to eat better."

The Health Truther knows that this philosophy is for PUSSIES. Forget “just trying to eat well” — this Facebook vet knows that EVERY SINGLE DAY, 3 more foods are revealed to have NEAR-MAGICAL HEALING POWERS OF IMMORTALITY and 3 other foods have been scientifically proven to MURDER YOU AND EVERYONE YOU CARE ABOUT (and those foods KNOW who you care about).

These reports often conflict, or are completely exaggerated for click-baiting effect, or are wholly inaccurate, but that’s not important. What IS important is that this person must post EVERY SINGLE ONE in an effort to make you aware of your inevitable impending death and to let you know that they’re now immune to liver cancer because they ate cilantro twice.

Finish reading The 7 People Who Post CONSTANTLY On Facebook

AKA, "The Employed Person Who Is Somehow Never Not On Vacation"

Whoa! This person just posted SEVENTY-ONE new photos from Halong Bay, Vietnam! That’s pretty impressive, especially considering they were literally in Santorini, Greece three weeks ago, and even MORE impressive considering they SOMEHOW HAVE A FUCKING JOB?

How are they off work 90% of the time? Did they secretly get fired years ago but also embezzled billions of dollars on their way out? Are they Photoshopping themselves into 71 Google Images? Or are they just Australian??? HOW??

Finish reading The 7 People Who Post CONSTANTLY On Facebook

Finish reading If Your Fitness App Were Brutally Honest

So you’re looking to SPICE UP your sex life with a little ‘S&M’ action, but you don’t know the first thing about how to incorporate ‘pain’ into your pleasure? Don’t worry! Here are some super light S&M techniques that anyone can do (sometimes even intentionally!) to help you work your way up, starting with just a little bit of mild discomfort!

Finish reading 5 Incredibly Simple S&M Sex Moves for Beginners

10 Things We Have TOO MANY SONGS About »

Nothing’s tougher than a knuck tat.

Finish reading The 12 Best Possible Knuckle Tattoos

Finish reading 5 Self-Help Pamphlets For Your Super Easy Life

1. We are replacing the ENTIRE government — House, Senate, myself, you name it — with three sagely dudes in white robes with long white beards.

We will call them “The Three Clerics” or just “The Three,” and they will convey all government decisions to us through telepathy while floating in a giant chamber in the “Temple of Elders” (the middle guy will float a little higher than the other two).

I realize this is a radical, abrupt departure from our current system of Constitutional checks and balances, but I assure you, I’ve looked towards the future, and three vaguely-magical dudes proclaiming cryptic wisdom is definitely the way to go. Also they’ll have orbs.

2. All major cities will be renamed something cool and futuristic.

Finish reading 10 Things That Will Happen Before Every Futuristic Movie

We are performing LIVE TONIGHT in NYC at the Upright Citizens Brigade in Chelsea!
Our monthly show has some of the best stand-up/sketch comedy in the city and you can RSVP here for free! 

newyork.ucbtheatre.com


We are performing LIVE TONIGHT in NYC at the Upright Citizens Brigade in Chelsea!

Our monthly show has some of the best stand-up/sketch comedy in the city and you can RSVP here for free! 

newyork.ucbtheatre.com

CollegeHumor is LIVE TONIGHT in NYC at the Upright Citizens Brigade!
Get your tickets now - You can RSVP here for free! 

newyork.ucbtheatre.com


CollegeHumor is LIVE TONIGHT in NYC at the Upright Citizens Brigade!

Get your tickets now - You can RSVP here for free! 

newyork.ucbtheatre.com