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The 7 Worst Conversations We’ve All Had [Click for more]

The 7 Worst Conversations We’ve All Had [Click for more]

How To Make Small Talk in Other Languages

Because if you say it in an exotic foreign language, no one will be able to tell how boring you are! (Rollover image on website for translation.)

Picking Up A Signal

Laptop: Hi…hey, would you mind if I…

LANoftheLost: Password?  

Laptop
: Um…”L.A.N.o.f.t.h.e.L.o.s.t”? 

LANoftheLost
: Are you serious?  How stupid do you think I am?

Laptop
: It was worth a shot.

LANoftheLost
: Beat it, creep.

Laptop: How about you?

RonsAptWifi: Password?

Laptop: No, sorry, I don’t have any passwords right now but if you…

RonsAptWifi: Get out of my face, cheapskate.  

Laptop: OK…sorry to bother you.  

Linksys: Hey there.  You look like you could use a friend.  Could you use a friend, baby?

Laptop: I don’t have any passwords, OK?

Linksys: With me, sugar, you don’t need one.  

Laptop: OK…how much?

Linksys: Baby, this don’t cost no money.  I’m priceless, sugar.  

Laptop: How do I know you’re for real?

Linksys: Baby, just ask around.  I’ve been with half the laptops on this block.  I’m wide open, honey.  

Laptop:  I like what I’m hearing.  

Linksys: Tell me what you want to see.  I can show you anything, baby.  You want to get on me?

Laptop: Oh yeah, I want on you so bad.  

Linksys: Get on me, big boy.  Get on me now.  

Laptop: I’m on you.  I’m on you and I want to see the Internet  

Linksys: Yeah, you want to see the Internet?  I can show you the Internet.  I can show you the Internet all day long.  

Laptop: Mmmm.  Show me Google.

Linksys: Yeah?  You want to see Google?  Here’s Google for you, big boy.  

Laptop: You’re so good to me.  

Linksys: Mmm, I’m giving you so much data.  You want some more data?  I want to give you what you want.

Laptop: Oh yeah, baby.  Show me Facebook.  

Linksys: Anything you want, sugar.  I want to show it to you.  Mmm, I’m yours baby.  

Laptop: …Show me Facebook.

Linksys: I want to show it to you, baby.  

Laptop: OK, then show it to me.  I’m still seeing Google.  

Linksys:  Baby, I’m gonna show you Facebook so soon.  I’ll show you whatever you want to see.  

Laptop: …

Linksys: …

Laptop: Show me Facebook!

Linksys: Not right now, baby.  I’m feeling faint.  

Laptop: What happened to ‘I’ll show you everything,’ huh?  I thought we had something!

Linksys: We did, sugar.  We did. 

Laptop: No!  Where are you going?  NO!

Linksys: You knew this couldn’t last forever.  Come see me again sometime, big boy.  

Laptop: NO!!!!!!

Linksys: Oh, you should scan yourself for viruses, by the way.  


NETGEAR: Hey there, big boy.  You look like you could use a friend.  Could you use a friend, baby?  

(Source: College Humor)

Jake and Amir: Lunch Conversation

Conversation killer? I’m a conversation thriller.

If People Were Really Honest in Job Interviews [Click to finish interview]

Expecto PatroNUMB from working these soulless jobs. 

Every First Conversation with a Gym Trainer [Click to continue reading]
PUSH IT! PUSSSSH IT!

Every First Conversation with a Gym Trainer [Click to continue reading]

PUSH IT! PUSSSSH IT!

If Real Life Were Like Comic Books
ME: Hey… listen, I’m really sorry I kept trying to hit on your friend last night when her boyfriend was out of the room. I was really drunk.FRIEND: Oh, don’t worry about it. That never happened!ME: Yeah, I wish…FRIEND: No really, it never actually happened. That got retconned.
ME: What?FRIEND: Oh yeah, that whole thing happened in a universe that doesn’t exist anymore. Retroactive continuity man. Retconning. You just got retconned.

If Real Life Were Like Comic Books

ME: Hey… listen, I’m really sorry I kept trying to hit on your friend last night when her boyfriend was out of the room. I was really drunk.

FRIEND: Oh, don’t worry about it. That never happened!

ME: Yeah, I wish…

FRIEND: No really, it never actually happened. That got retconned.

ME: What?

FRIEND: Oh yeah, that whole thing happened in a universe that doesn’t exist anymore. Retroactive continuity man. Retconning. You just got retconned.

How I’ll Use the Technology of the Future [Click for full]
Me: Kyle, thanks for coming over. I’m having trouble with my ThoughtSphere and I know you young people really know how this stuff works.
Kyle: Yeah, sure, Grandpa.
Me: THANK YOU! I can’t figure out how to get into the Collective Hive Mind.
Kyle: Okay, go to your Living Room.
Me: We’re in the living room.
Kyle: No, your “Living Room.” That’s what you call the state of mental calm you need to be in to access all points on the ThoughtSphere and use your preferred BrainTap to access theCHM.
Me: This is hard.
Kyle: It’s right there, grandpa. It’s that base-line level of consciousness. You know, where you’re not quite sure whether you’re awake or asleep. Are you there?
Me: I think so.
Kyle: Ok, now what BrainTap do you use? AlphaSlug or Flerm?
Me: I don’t know. I think it’s that one that makes me remember the smell of old books.
Kyle: Ugh. Craniol? That’s a terrible BrainTap. I’ll ForceThink you a better one.
Me: NO! I’m used to this one!
Kyle: Alright, fine. Now just double-think Craniol.
Me: How do I do that?
Kyle: Just think about the smell of old books twice. Continue

How I’ll Use the Technology of the Future [Click for full]

Me: Kyle, thanks for coming over. I’m having trouble with my ThoughtSphere and I know you young people really know how this stuff works.

Kyle: Yeah, sure, Grandpa.

Me: THANK YOU! I can’t figure out how to get into the Collective Hive Mind.

Kyle: Okay, go to your Living Room.

Me: We’re in the living room.

Kyle: No, your “Living Room.” That’s what you call the state of mental calm you need to be in to access all points on the ThoughtSphere and use your preferred BrainTap to access theCHM.

Me: This is hard.

Kyle: It’s right there, grandpa. It’s that base-line level of consciousness. You know, where you’re not quite sure whether you’re awake or asleep. Are you there?

Me: I think so.

Kyle: Ok, now what BrainTap do you use? AlphaSlug or Flerm?

Me: I don’t know. I think it’s that one that makes me remember the smell of old books.

Kyle: Ugh. Craniol? That’s a terrible BrainTap. I’ll ForceThink you a better one.

Me: NO! I’m used to this one!

Kyle: Alright, fine. Now just double-think Craniol.

Me: How do I do that?

Kyle: Just think about the smell of old books twice. Continue

Conversations with a Twitter Feed: @KimKardashian

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that she got famous for being a good writer.

(Source: youtube.com)

Conversations with a Twitter Feed: @CarlySimonHQ

I bet she thinks this video’s about her.

(Source: youtube.com)

The Graphic Truth: Small Talk Thermometer
See more Graphic Truths here

The Graphic Truth: Small Talk Thermometer

See more Graphic Truths here

Jake and Amir: Blood Drive

Give red, to make green.

(Source: College Humor)

Star Wars Status Updates [click for more]

Star Wars Status Updates [click for more]

(Source: College Humor)

Star Wars Status Updates [click for more]

Star Wars Status Updates [click for more]

(Source: College Humor)

Jake and Amir: Normal Conversation

Talk like no one’s listening.

(Source: College Humor)