Follow Us

CollegeHumor Staff Blog

My roommate is a bitch, but that has nothing to with why I did this. I wanted to take naughty pictures for my girlfriend one weekend while my roommate was gone, and my roommate’s side was cleaner than mine, so I did all my naked posing on her desk. She eats at that desk, and she still has no idea.

My roommate is nearly 20 years old and still uses the baby pacifier she has had since she was a kid.

I get stoned and eat all the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms.

This Week’s Best Roommate Confessions

When me and me friends went to Germany with the school (we live in the UK) we were staying on the bottom floor . We were getting ready to go in to the village and my friend who had been pulling pranks on us all through the trip was in the shower so the rest of us went outside and told every one to come stand in our room. We then took the towels from the bathroom. We shouted goodbye and pretended to leave the room. A few minutes later he came out the shower and shouted for a towel. We stayed quiet so he thought we were out of the room. He came out of the bathroom naked where we stood with cameras and about 30 other people. He freaked out and had to stay in another room on the floor for the rest of the week.

More Roommate Confessions

(Source: College Humor)

One Thanksgiving I decided to drive to Canada just to have something to do over the holiday since I couldn’t visit my family. I left Las Vegas, NV right after class that day and drove for 19hours straight. I get to the border not having slept for 24hrs. They asked where I was coming from and I told them, then they asked why I was visiting Canada and I said like a smart ass “Adventure.” I was pulled out of the line for a drug inspection and a urine test. They told me I looked like a tweaker smuggling drug across the border.

An ex actually asked me once, “Are unicorns real? Like I know they don’t exist now…but did they ever exist, like in ancient times?”

Hey Javon, you know how you smelled like shit all year and kept stealing from my wallet thinking I didn’t know? Well, last time you decided to fuck with me, I left my laptop’s webcam on and caught you on video stealing money from me. Enjoy getting arrested you dirty thieving bastard.

This week’s Roommate Confessions get real

(Source: College Humor)

Whenever my friends or roommate pass out with their shoes and socks off I make it a point to put unlit matches between their toes then light them and watch the results. Funny thing is they still havent stopped falling asleep with bare feet.

Check out this week’s top 5 Roommate Confessions

(Source: College Humor)

Last semester I had a roommate who would always make me look bad in front of friends, especially really cute girls. When ever he gets invited to a party he always asks me for a ride because he doesn’t have a car. So one day while we were eating lunch a couple of girls invited him to a party. Later on that night he started whining about how his stomach hurts. I was in the bathroom showering when he came pounding on the door telling me to hurry because he had to take a major dump. I told him to wait, that I was almost done. He kept complaining and said he was gonna ask someone else. As soon as he ran out, I ran to the kitchen and grabbed the saran wrap and wrapped the toilet seat, knowing he wouldn’t look before he sat down. I went in the hall and told him I was out the shower. He pushed me out the way and ran into the bathroom. 10 seconds later he was yelling and I knew exactly why. He started yelling asking me to bring him so more toilet paper because I had taken it out. I stayed quiet so he’d think I had left the room. When he came out I took pictures of his butt covered in crap with my camera phone. I went to the party without him. When the girls asked where he was, I told them he had a wardrobe malfunction. He transferred out at the end of the semester out of fear that I had showed everyone his dirty mishap.

It’s been an entire week since your last Roommate Confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out this week’s top 7 submissions.

(Source: College Humor)

I moved in with my buddy and his parents 2 months ago while I save up for school in the fall. He’s a chill dude but when he plays hockey on the ps3 and scores a goal I can hear him go ape shit and call his mom all the time. “MOM!! COME SEE THIS GOAL!! MOOOOMMMMMMM!!! HURRY YOUR GOING TO MISS IT!.” This guy is 26.

See more of this week’s top Roommates Confessions

(Source: College Humor)

Yaarden, I was the one that deflated your air mattress that you slept on instead of a real bed. I was wielding your Claymore sword around in your room and clipped it. A thousand apologies, bro.

Check out more of this week’s Roommate Confessions column

(Source: College Humor)